The one to give
by Tina Chaves1
Summary: Can Ross and Rachel's marriege survive major changes?
1. Chapter 1

**The one to give**  
by Tina

* * *

Right. I know I said I was gonna finish "Can't fight the night", but... Thing is, I've changed my mind. I just... can't! I couldn't even go through re-reading it. I'm sorry, that fic just gets me really down, I really don't like it and probably will never finish it. I've promised myself I'm gonna treat my writing as what it is, a hobby. So I'm just gonna write what I want, when I want. I'm sorry, but I'm gonna keep on being selfish in order to keep them coming. When I'm into these fics, I write more and better :) Hope you understand! 

This fic... it was an old-old fic of mine that I'm rewriting. I never got around to finish it though, it was in the "unfinished fics" session of my site (took it off though so it wouldn't spoil those who haven't read it!). I just got _really_ in the mood to write it this weekend, when I went to Rio de Janeiro for the first time (which is a royal shame, given that I've lived in Brazil my whole life and am currently living right next to it!). This information probably won't make much sense right now, but I'm not giving away clues about anything. Specially because I have _no_ idea how it's gonna end. It's a complicated matter, and, well, pay atention to the title. 

Hope you enjoy it and, well... the more feedback the better! :) So please post me a review when you're done, they mean so much to me! I can't say I'll post as often as I did with my last fanfic, but I'll try! :) Now on with the story! And remember, English is not my main language! Also, this prologue is just fluffy-fluffy stuff! 

**Important** detail I was forgeting to mention... :) Duh me! I started this right after _"The one with Monica and Chandler's wedding"_. So you need to forget everything that was said after it! I am, however, leaving a few things from the show. You'll know what I mean as the story moves along...! :) 

**Disclaimer:** These characters (sigh) do not belong to me, they belong to Bright Kauffman and Crane, in association with Warner Bros. No profit is being taken from this, just... entertainment (mine and, hopefully, yours!)!

* * *

Fading out of a dream into a new one. That's how Rachel could describle her mornings. The soft and quick motion of her eyelids represented their transition. The real touch of the smooth sheet fabric against her cheek and the soothing sound of the even breathing next to her confirmed it. It was time to wake up to her dreamy life. The one that she new that couldn't possibly be labeled as _perfect_. But it was _hers_. 

And _his_. 

It was a sunday, no rush to get up. She let herself stay in the same position, facing the pale purple wall and smiled. For some reason, the memory of the day they'd finally come to an agreement of the decoration of their bedroom crept into her mind. Ross was resistant to the thought, but she always had her ways of convincing him. 

_"It remindes me of the old apartment. You know, it's like somehow we'll be keeping something from before" _

And even though they missed the past, the present was just as bright. Ross and Rachel had been married for two years and seemed to still be living in the honneymoon phase. She'd begun to wonder if she could still call it a phase, it seemed like a permanent thing now. They lived in the same neighbourhood as Monica and Chandler, in Westchester. Joey lived in L.A., but visited oftenly. And Phoebe had recently began house hunting around with her husband Mike. 

Things had changed, but the love that linked them together had done nothing but grown. They too had grown. From twenty something singles, they'd become responsable thirty year olds, balancing households and careers. 

Rachel heard Ross inhale deeply and turned around to face him. He was still deep asleep. She ran a hand up his arm, softly. Poor thing, he had been working so hard lately. It didn't bother her though, she was past the time she'd let those things get in the middle of her relationship with him. She knew he loved her, and for now that was all that mattered. He was still caring sweet old Ross, the same geeky older brother of Monica's she had fallen in love with so many years ago. 

Tough her hand was so gentle, Ross opened his eyes seconds after it touched his skin. The sight of her made him smile, as it did every morning. 

"Goodmorning", he whispered. 

"Morning", she whispered back, moving closer and snuggling up to him. 

They cuddled for a few minutes, allowing themselves to be lazy. 

"What time is it?" 

She turned around and spotted the alarm clock resting on the bed stand. 

"Eight twenty" 

"How long do you think it will be untill Mike gets up?" 

She looked up at him and smiled. 

"Well, I don't know, why? Have things in mind, Dr. Geller?" 

He smiled back and kissed her temple twice, stroking her back. She closed her eyes softly. A comfortable silence filled the room untill Ross spoke again. 

"I love this, you know? Just us, together, cuddling, talking... or not" he held her closer as he went on "I don't think I say this enough, I just want you to know that this is just... everything I've always wanted." she smiled wider "I love you, Rach" 

She touched his cheek and kisses his lips lightly. 

"I love you too" 

She looked deeply into his eyes and kissed him again. "And, I know what you mean" 

"Yeah?" he asked, kissing her shoulder. 

"Yeah" 

They made love, all the while filled with love and recognition of how lucky they were. Lucky they had found their way to each other. Lucky they had someone who _fit_ perfectly. In all the meanings that statement could get. 

Ross was in the shower when Michael Geller Green got up. Much too mature for his age, Mike was as independant as a three years old could be. He climbed out of his new bed by himself and walked up to his parent's room, knocking on the door. With his mother's consent, he walked in and found her still laid in bed, smiling at him. 

"Hey, sweetie, how did you sleep?" his mother greeted, inviting him to the bed. 

"Good!" Mike climbed up with little help needed from Rachel. "There was a monkey in my dream! Can we go to the zoo, mommy?" 

"We'll see about that" she kissed his blonde hair. "What did the monkey do?" 

"He was eating my banana" 

Rachel chuckled and wrapped her arms around her son, embracing him gently. 

"And what did you do?" 

"Nothing, I just watched. I don't like bananas that much" 

Rachel couldn't believe just how much she loved her son. The way he spoke oftenly reminded her of Ross, even though physically he was nothing like him. He was all Rachel, in that aspect. Blonde straight hair, deep blue eyes. He was slim and little, which just made it funnier to watch him talk. He spoke so well. 

Ross stepped out of the bathroom and watched Rachel and Mike for a few seconds, unnoticed. Both had their eyes closed again and Rachel was stroking his hair. It was a truly beautiful scene that could've easily brought tears to his eyes. 

Somehow sensing his presence, she opened her eyes and saw him standing by the door. 

"Mike wants to go to the zoo. What do you think?" 

The little boy opened his eyes and smiled at his father. 

"Yes, daddy, please!" 

Ross smiled even more, he loved how much Mike got interested by nature. Maybe someday he could follow his own steps into the science field, maybe? One could hope. Whatever the case was, this was still very close to the picture he had for so long in his mind. Waking up next to Rachel (_smoking body!_) and fighting with his son over the science session of the newspaper. 

"Sure, that sounds like a good idea. Monica and Chandler would also like taking the twins there, it's a nice day outside" 

The prospect of an evening with the gang filled Rachel with love. 

"Then I'll call Phoebe too, let's make a day out of it. We can go to Central Perk after that!" 

Ross was oftenly touched by how much Rachel wanted to stay in touch with that phase of their lives. When she ran away from her wedding with Barry, she never looked back, something that caught his atention. Yet now, every chance she had, she wanted to revisit places that were scenery of some important moments of her life. She tresured that so much. 

"That'd be nice" 

Rachel got up from the bed and took Mike by the hand, leading him outside and telling him to start the shower. Ross simply watched as she began gathering a few things and, before she could leave after their son, planted a soft kiss on his lips. 

"Go get ready, we better leave soon if we wanna make it to the city in time to do everything we've planned"

* * *

Mike let go of his parents' hands and ran towards the monkeys. He leaned against the fence among other parents and children, barely able to see beyond due his little height. 

"Daddy, come here, help me!" 

Ross chuckled and approached, picking Mike up on his arms. Rachel carried on with Monica and Chandler, who were both pushing a double stroller, where one year old twins Erica and Jack rested. Chandler had a protective arm around his wife, sign of the affection that never seemed to wear off after four years of marriege. 

"So, what did Phoebe say?" Monica asked. 

Rachel finally took her eyes off of Ross and Mike. 

"She said she's feeling a bit of a morning sickness today but will try her best to be at Central Perk later" 

"Man, this is weird... Mike, Jack and Erica and now Phoebe's baby. Have they picked a name yet?" 

Those days it seemed like Rachel was the one in better touch with everyone. 

"Well, they've decided not to know the sex yet, so they've narrowed it down to uh, Rain or Summer for a girl and Mike Jr or Joseph for a boy." Rachel chuckled. "I say go with Rain, my suggestion, by the way, or Joseph, 'cause it'll get confusing around here with another Mike!" 

"Wow, Joseph... Has she been talking to Joey lately?" Chandler asked. 

This could so not be considered as gossiping... 

"Yes, aparently now they have that little dinner of theirs to discuss us over the phone. And I really mean dinner, both are actually eating on each side of the line." Rachel chuckled even more thinking of her friends' ideas. 

"That should be fun to watch" Monica chuckled back. 

"That explains a lot" Chandler said, a disgusted expression taking over his face. The girls looked at him, a bit frightened to ask. 

"What?" Monica finally said. 

"Last time I went to visit him, his phone was..." Chandler searched his brain for an appropriate word. "Well, let's just say there was a bucket of skinless chicken on the counter next to the phone" 

"Right, 'cause that's the thing to eat when you're the phone" Rachel rolled her eyes, mentally reminding herself never to use the phone at Joey's. 

Monica and Chandler stopped and started nursing one of the babies who had just started crying. Rachel watched, standing there. She was so happy for her friends, they deserved those children and all that love so much. Monica picked little Erica up and rocked her gently. Rachel remembered what it was like to hold Mike when he was this young. She missed it. 

Shifting her sight back to the monkeys fence, Rachel spotted Ross and Mike right away. Ross was knelt down and she knew he was rambling on and on about things she couldn't help but be bored with. But Mike had such an interested look on his face. His smile was so true, his eyes sparkled so brightly. It wasn't science, Rachel knew it. It was his daddy right next to him, teaching him. The bonding, the love. 

Rachel's heart melted at the recognition of how much Mike loved Ross. And it was a mutual feeling, she knew Ross would give his life for their son. 

They were so _lucky_. 

Yes, maybe she was allowed to think about expanding their happiness. She looked back at Monica and Chandler, each now holding a baby, and opened a wide smile, planning things she never knew she wanted to much.

* * *

Weeks later, Rachel's hands were trembling like mad holding the pregnancy test. She'd left Mike watching one of his favorite dinosaur cartoon movies while both waited for Ross to come home from work. She had not told him about her late period, she wanted to have a real reason to be worked up. She knew he'd probably be even more frustrated if the results came out negative. 

Even though they had not openly talked about the matter, she _knew_ just how much he _wanted_ another child. So she figured it wouldn't upset him if she stopped taking birth control pills, on the side. It would be her little surprise to him, her little gift. 

She looked at the timer, one more minute to go. My God, was time standing still?? Funny, if she wasn't in such a rush, she was certain the damn thing would had already rung! She sat down on the toilet and sighed, trying hard to prevent some thoughts to take over her mind. But she failed. She kept thinking of how their baby would look like. Were they going to get a girl this time? It didn't matter, another boy would be just as welcome! 

No, she couldn't. She didn't want to get disapointed. 

This was so much different than when she got pregnant with Mike... 

Oh my God, what if Ross got upset? What if he got mad at her for not telling him about it? Maybe he wanted to wait a little longer... 

_Bing!_

The ringing startled her. It took her breath away. 

She reached for the results and let out a sigh. 

It was positive. 

Brushing away happy tears, Rachel sat down on the couch. Mike was on the floor, eating popcorn, something Rachel wouldn't usually allow at 6pm. That night, however, it didn't matter. Mike could do whatever he wanted. Mike would be a big brother! She played scenes on her head of him teaching the baby things, caring for the new member of the family. 

Key noises announced Ross' arrival. 

"Honey, I'm home" Rachel smiled at the cliché. 

"In the t.v. room" she shouted back. 

She saw as Mike's head eagerly turned to the door. 

"What's up, what are you guys doing?" 

He stepped in and walked to the couch. He sat down and kissed Rachel's hair. 

"Mike wanted to watch a movie" 

"'Land before time', nice!" Ross said to Mike, refering to the dinosaur movie his son had chosen. 

"Can I watch another one after dinner??" 

Ross frowned, it was a school night. He hated to say no, but- 

"Of course you can!" Rachel's answer interrupted his thoughts. Ross looked at her, confused. There was something different in the way she smiled. 

"What?" he asked privately, smiling at the thought that something good had happened. 

"Later", she said, simply. 

Eager to know what was going know, Ross had to force himself to contain more questions and wait untill after dinner. 

After all the plates had been picked up from the table, Ross moved to the sink and started washing them. Rachel helped Mike to the shower, but the little boy insisted on doing it by himself. She picked him an outfit, left it by his towel and left the bathroom. 

She touched her stomach lightly on her way to the kitchen, amazed by the thought of life growing there. 

Ross was quieter then usual through dinner, but a goofy grin remained present the whole time. She knew this was killing him, but she enjoyed watching how respectful he was to her decision of postponing the news. 

However, now, she was the one who couldn't hold it any longer. She wanted to share it with him, make him happy. He'd be so happy...! Yes, he had to be. 

"Sweetie?", she sweetly wrapped her arms around his waist. He turned around after washing the soap off his hands on the sink. 

"Yes?" 

"There's something I wanna tell you" 

He just looked at her and nodded. 

"Sure" 

She took his wet hand and lead him to the table, where they sat down. 

"I know we haven't exactly... planned this or talked about it, but..." she trailed off, but by the look on his face, he somehow knew where this was going. She could tell he didn't want to get ahead of himself, though, so she went on "I'm pregnant" 

Sure enough, his smile grew. Wider than she'd ever seen it. 

"You're.. you're pregnant?" he chuckled and she nodded. "Are you sure?" 

"Well, it says on the box that these pregnancy tests are very accurate and I took three, so, hm, yeah, probably" she shrugged and chuckled with him. 

He said nothing for the time being, he just hugged her and kissed her everywhere his lips could reach. Her cheeks, her lips, her neck, her shoulders, her ears... She kept on giggling, thinking there hasn't been a time she'd ever been so happy like that. 

"So you're not mad?" 

He quickly ceased his acts, looking deeply into her eyes. They said so much. 

"God, no, Rach...! I'm so happy." she sighed, relieved. He kept watching her, seriously now _"Thank you"_

His words, too, said so much. Only fully understood after a complete study of their history. 

_So_ much. 

She stroke his hair and said nothing in return. Instead, she leaned in and kissed him briefly, embracing him into a long hug afterwards. 

"Mommy, I'm done!" 

They broke their hug and saw Mike standing on the doorway, wearing the pijamas Rachel had picked out. 

"What, already?" 

He nodded. 

"No, no, Mr! C'mon, back to the shower, you're making me do this, now" 

Ross chuckled. 

"But mo-om, we still need to rewind the tape and I have to be in bed soon, I can't waste time!" 

"Your father will work on the tape, now let's go!" 

Mike sighed and walked back into the bathroom. Rachel sighed and smiled, looking at Ross. 

"Get ready for that in double!" he said. 

"Oh, boy..!" 

Ross entered Mike's bedroom in search for his tapes and DVDs. The walls were pale blue, with numerous shelves full of toys. Ross let his eyes simply travel around the room for a while, it seemed like he hadn't been in there in a while. He mentally kicked himself for working so much these days. But things were going to change. Yes, they were. 

A framed picture on the nightstand caught his atention. He sat down on the bed and picked it up, staring at it for a long time. Rachel was holding newborn Mike on a hospital bed and Ross had one arm around her. They looked so happy. Not only it was the day their child was born, it was also the day they became engaged. 

With great comfort, he let his mind recollect that magical day accurately. 

_Ross and Rachel couldn't get enough of looking at little Mike. He was so little, looked so fragile. Rachel was so afraid of making sudden moves that could somehow hurt her son. So she just stared at him, merged on the love she never imagined one could be able to feel. _

Ross inspected every inch of the baby with his eyes. He was perfect. He had Rachel's nose. Rachel's eyes. Rachel's hair and even her feet. It was all hers. Thankfully, it was all hers. He thought of the engagement ring in his pocket and smiled. They had got back together shortly after Rachel announced her pregnancy and things had been so great... They were always so great. He couldn't risk losing her again, this time. 

His nose touched her ear and he kissed her neck. She closed her eyes softly. It was perfection. 

"Marry me" he whispered. 

Her eyes opened imediately. 

"What?" her voice was soft. In the blur she was surrounded, she must'd misheard him. 

"Marry me", this time his voice was clear, steady. He was looking straight into her eyes. 

She opened her mouth, but words failed to come out. 

"I know this may sound crazy and rushed, but..." he trailed off and looked at the baby. Rachel followed his gaze, but quickly looked back at him. "I love you. Both of you. And I'm just here looking at you and the baby, this beautiful, perfect baby, and I just..." he paused briefly "Wanna take you both home and never let go. Ever" 

She smiled. 

"I... whoa" she sighed and smiled "Yes" she chuckled. 

Ross looked rather surprised by her answer. He couldn't believe how lucky he was. 

"Yeah, you-you'll marry me?" 

"I'll marry you" she repeated, smiling wider. 

"You'll marry me" he said, emotionally, feeling rather stupid to be acting so foolish. He couldn't help it. But she loved it. 

He kissed her before saying anything else, but couldn't help talking some more after they broke. This time, directed to the baby. 

"I promise you, Mike, I'm gonna love you and your mommy forever" 

Ross put down the picture frame and smiled. Yes, he still kept his promise. Nothing could change that love. What did have to change were his hours at work, he had to be around more. Mike loved him. And he loved Mike so much. He wanted to be there for him, forever and always. And now they were going to have another baby. Another baby. 

Filled with anxiety and hope, he finally found the tape and walked out of the bedroom. 

Indeed, things were going to change.

* * *

Well, this is it! Quite longer than I expected! :) The time line is weird, but whatever...! I'm not gonna be watching myself all the time with this. It's for f-u-n!! Hope you liked it! Please leave me a review?? :) It'd mean a lot to me! See ya next chapter!! :D 


	2. Chapter 2

**The one to give**  
by Tina

* * *

I'm sorry if some of you didn't get the whole scenery from the first installment. I guess it's not pretty clear, is it? Just clearing it up: Ross and Rachel got back together right after Rachel announced her pregnancy, therefore the Joey thing never happened. Mike's supposed to be Emma (as I said, I started this after watching _The one with Monica and Chandler's wedding_ and, even though I'm changing some initial ideas and adding things that happened after that on the show, I'm gonna keep things I planned since the beginning. One of them is the baby being a boy. The other things will come with time). 

And thanks for being so supportive guys, your reviews pull me up in such a great mood! :D And also push me into writing more and more!

* * *

Rachel clutched her blood exam which confirmed her pregnancy in one hand and Ross' hand on another. They were leaving Dr. Long's office after the first apointment after lunch break with shameless smiles on their faces. She watched the other pregnant women sitting down on the waiting room as they moved towards the door, some with fully grown bellies, some with subtle three months bumps. All equally beautiful. 

Ross politely said goodbye to the atendant with an enthusiasm Rachel labelled as fresh. 

They entered the elevator that seemed to be waiting for them and pressed the button to the ground level. 

Happiness radiated from them. Words were not necessary, the simple brightness on their eyes said it all. They were beaming with joy and the corner of Rachel's lips were starting to ache. But she couldn't help it. And didn't even want to try. 

He leaned in and kissed her forehead respectfully. She wrapped her arms around him and sunk into that simple act, as if it was the deepest sign of affection for the time being. 

"You going back to the university?" 

"Yeah, still got a couple of classes to teach and students to talk to" he kissed her hair "Never thought I'd say this again, but midterms are a bitch" 

Rachel laughed out loud. 

"When have you _ever_ said that before?" 

"It's an expression" he shrugged, embarassed. 

She chuckled into his chest, adoring his ways. 

The door opened at their floor and they stepped out, heading towards the exit. 

"You going home?" 

"Yeah, I need to pick up Mike and I promised him I'd take him to the park. Wanna butter him up real nice before we tell him about the baby tonight" 

Ross smiled as if it was the first time he was hearing about the pregnancy. In always seemed like it was. 

They stopped by a cab. 

"Alright, I'll see you later then" 

"See ya!" 

They kissed and each took a different path. Ross walked to NYU, it wasn't far. Rachel took the cab to the parking lot where she left her car every morning. After years of work at Rauph Lauren, Rachel now took a better position at Gucci. When it hit the point when she knew she wouldn't get any much further at her previous job, she had to jump off. 

She was daring and so in love with fashion. 

Though it seemed careless, she quit when she found out she was pregnant. She had saved enough money to mantain herself despite Ross' protests to chip in, so she waited untill she was ready to be back. All her unactive time, though, was filled with studies. She had to run after the great things to fill her CV. She owed that to her son. She had to get herself a better job, for him. They'd be independent and need no one. 

No one? 

Sure she needed Ross, she could not deny that. But just the feeling that she could support herself if something came to happen was comforting enough. She'd already endured too much to be sure about anything. It wouldn't hurt to be prepared now, would it? 

The hard work had indeed paid off. Her new job was promising, she was rising like oil on water at the new office. Not just she had the power, she also had the respect. Her opinion was always asked, her decidions never questioned. Simply because she was _good_ at it. Plainly for that. 

The recognition and generous paycheck were only a match to the fact Rachel could make her own hours. She just worked down at the city part time. After her lunch break, she picked up Mike from his little school and tried getting as much work as she could at home. Sure these days that was no problem, with a laptop and a mere DSL conection everything seemed possible.

* * *

Ross closed the door of his office after himself. He was exausted by the end of his second class. Though teaching seemed like a good idea at first, after many years it seemed like he couldn't take it anymore. This is ridiculous, he thought. Weren't he the one who loved rambling on about dinosaurs, trying to share his knowledge with his friends, much to their displeasure? It wasn't the lack of interest, this time, that wore him off. Even though some, maybe most, of the students were there just to get their credits, there were still those whose eargerness to learn inspired him. 

Yeah, maybe before. 

Now, Ross hopelessly watched them exasperated. He didn't want to be there anymore. 

Rachel's career turn around had inspired him, he had to admit it. It must'd taken a lot of guts from her, though, he concluded as his belly quickly filled with nervous butterflies and he felt rather nauseous at the simple thought of doing the same. He was the sort of guy who needed stability. Besides, he had a family to think about, to support. He couldn't allow himself to make mistakes, to be careless. 

But at the end of the day, would misery be the way to achieve responsability? 

He gathered his notes scattered around his desk still merged into his questions. He still had to talk to a few students about their grades. "Heck, I should just fail them and call it a night". His carelessness scared himself. 

Had Ross secretly learned how to perform telepathy? 

"Professor Ross Geller?" 

Ross quickly turned around and surprisedly faced Dr. Luprano. He was so deep in thought he had never even heard the door open. It was a surprise, he had only met Dr. Luprano at a few cocktail parties thrown by the university. He was the headmaster, the Mr. Big Shot, if you will. 

"Dr. Luprano, hi." 

"You can call me James, Ross" 

Ross smiled at the warm expression Dr. Lup- hm, James, had on his face. What could this possibly be about? 

James' eyes, aged by his 65 years, quickly wandered around Ross' neat office. He spotted a framed picture and picked it up. 

"Ah, Rachel is truly beautiful" Ross raised his eyebrows quizzically. He never even knew James knew his wife's name. "All the other Professors around here have an eye on her, I'd be careful if I were you" he joked and Ross smiled. 

"Nothing to worry about, Sir. She's got enough lecturing to be bored for a century with me, I don't think she'll look around for any more of that" 

James laughed and put the picture down, still gazing at it. 

"And the boy, what's his name again?" 

"Mike" Ross replied, starting to get confused by where this small talk was leading them to. 

"Right, little Mike" 

James looked up and knowingly nodded. 

"I bet you're wondering what I'm doing here talking about your lovely young family" 

Ross again smiled, amazed by the simplicity he never expected from Dr. James Luprano. He couldn't help but chuckle. Whatever was going on, it didn't seem like it was going to be a bad thing. 

Yet, who had decided upon a definition for that?

* * *

Ross turned the engine of his car off and stared straight ahead for a few more minutes. So many questions. Snapping out of it, he turned the headlights off and had no hurry gathering up his things. He fought, but couldn't help but smile. He chucked audibly and shook his head, feeling embarassed for his silly behaviour, alone at the garage. 

When he entered the kitchen, Rachel was finishing setting the table. She looked at him and smiled. 

"Hey. Dinner will be right out. Monica made us a lasagna. Sort of a way to thank us, really. Her babysitter's here with the twins, aparently Monica couldn't trust her alone with the babies, so she's supposed to be babysitting for an experimental basis over here for a while" she rolled her eyes "Go figure!" Rachel ignored the thought that she too was resistant to trusting Mike to unknown people. 

He just looked at her. 

"What?" she smiled and blushed "What is it, why are you looking at me like that?" Ross shrugged and Rachel chuckled "Well, stop it" 

"I can't" 

Rachel couldn't explain how she still felt like a teenager sometimes around Ross. Though they had outgrown imaturity, these sweet details remained to remind them of how great they were together. 

"Daddy!" 

Mike rushed in at the sound of his father's voice and hugged his legs. Ross pulled him up and shook him jokingly. The child's laughter just pushed Ross into playing more, saying nice things to his son. Rachel chuckled watching. Ross seemed to be so happy with the baby news. Possibly even more than she had expected. 

But was that all? 

"Oh, that's enough Mikey, you're getting too big for me" 

Ross put Mike down and Rachel stood behind him. 

"Or maybe you're getting too old for him" she whispered into his ear. 

He looked back at her and gave her a sarcastic look. Quickly he leaned in and stole a kiss from her. She giggled. 

"Do you wanna... tell him now?" she whispered. 

Ross got a serious look, which she noticed. 

"Actually, I wanna talk to you before" 

"Okay" silence followed "Now?" 

"Could be now, yes" 

She smiled worriedly, this seemed important. 

"Mike, could you go and be with your cousins and Lindsay for a while? Dinner will be right done" 

"Okay" 

Still breathless, Mike left. 

"So...?" 

Ross took Rachel's hand and both sat down on the table, facing each other. 

"This is big, Rachel" 

Rachel blankly blinked. 

"Good big or...?" she trailed off. 

"Could be good. Or just..." he shrugged "not so much of a big thing. Not a bad thing, though" 

"Okay" she sighed in relief. "What is it?" 

"I uh... I got a job offer. No, no, actually... an _amazing_ job offer" 

Rachel allowed her muscles to stretch her lips as much as her skin let them. 

"That's great, such a great timing! I mean, with the baby and the fact you were getting frustrated at the universitiy!" she leaned across the table and kissed him proudly. "I'm so happy for you, sweetie." Ross was smiling, but seemed too quiet. "What is it, what will you be doing?" 

"It's a new Museum of Natural History they're opening, they want me to run it" even Ross couldn't believe his words. 

Rachel gasped. 

"This is amazing. They've picked you?" 

Ross chuckled. 

"Is it that hard to believe?" 

Rachel covered her mouth with her hands, though Ross knew she was smiling. She removed them to talk. 

"No, but this is so great for you. You deserve this so much, after all the hard work and studies.." she beamed with pride. 

Ross smiled, giddy. 

"This is really, really big, Rachel" she just smiled wider "But there is a _but_..." 

That didn't scare her. Whatever it was, had to be worth it! Anything would be to keep Ross this happy. 

"What?" she was still smiling. 

His gaze drifted to the floor. 

"We have to move to Brazil" 

Her smile was still there. Then it lost strengh. It faded slowly and Rachel was left with a blank sight once again. 

"What?" 

"The museum. It's in Rio de Janeiro. We'd have to live there" 

Rachel was still lost. Her lips were now parted, but she couldn't say a word. 

"Dr. Luprano said that I had the knowledge they needed, plus we're young, starting our family, we'd fit in fine" 

She couldn't believe his words. 

"Plus, as I said, this is huge... We're gonna have the biggest paleontology department in the whole South America and-" 

Her eyes windened up. 

"You said _'we'_" she interrupted his words. 

"What?" 

"You said _'we're gonna have the biggest paleontology department'_" he looked at her. "You've already made this decision, haven't you?" 

"No, Rachel. This is something we'll both think about, alright? We're in this together. You, me and Mike." he paused "And the new baby" 

Rachel looked down. 

"Brazil?" he also looked down "That's like.... a new country, Ross. It's a different language, different people and, oh, I- I don't know. Mike will have to learn it all again and- God, and us!" 

"He'll be fine Rachel, he's so smart...! And you won't have to worry about speaking Portuguese, there will be support for us there, okay?" 

"Oh God..." Rachel looked away, getting teary eyed. 

"Hey, honey, come here." he hugged her tight "We don't have to do this if you don't want to. 

She broke the hug and looked into his eyes. 

"But you do." 

Silence filled the kitchen. 

"Yes..." His guilt for wanting this so much couldn't let his voice be too strong.

* * *

I was going to write more, but then I'd have to rush things a little. I'll leave here and try to develop the whole thing better later :) Still, I think next chapter will be too small! But anyway... what do you think so far? I still got major-major plans for this! Reviews are so welcome! 


	3. Chapter 3

**The one to give**  
by Tina

* * *

You guys are so sweet, I love you! lol! :) Alright... before I begin this, I wanna say that I love Brazil. I've lived here my whole life (practicly) and I have a lot to be thankful for here. I'm very proud to say that, no matter what, my heart will always be brazilian ;) So I don't want anyone to take me wrong!!

* * *

Rachel's stomach was having a hard time keeping breakfast down that morning. As she laid in bed, she tried to somehow mentally make herself feel better. But her headache sure wasn't helping. Morning sickness? Sure, maybe. Or perhaps something else. Maybe all of it. Yeah, probably. 

Agonised tears escaped from the corner of her eyes. She had been doing so well so far. So much for believing Dr. Long when she said the second pregnancy usually took it easier on you. 

She rolled on her empty bed and sighed, closing her eyes. 

Ross had gone off to work, but she had called in sick. She asked him to drop Mike at his little school, she wanted to be by herself. Maybe then she could at least try and think about everything that was going on. There was too much going on, it seemed. 

But before she could think any further, she quickly ran up to the bathroom and vomited. 

After splashing some water on her face at the sink, she looked up at the mirror with great disgust. She had black half rings under her puffy eyes, due the lack of sleep the past night. Her hair was a mess and she was now sweating. 

Pregnant glow, yeah, right... 

She carefully laid back down on the bed and, as a cue, the phone rang. 

"Hello" Ross could tell how she felt by the tone of her voice. 

"Hey sweetie..." But he still had to ask "You feeling better?" 

"No?" 

Ross sighed. 

"I'm sorry..! Have you taken that thing Dr. Long told you to?" 

"No, I'm too lazy to go downstairs" Ross chuckled and Rachel couldn't help but chuckle back. "I will, soon." 

"Sorry, I wish I were there to help" 

"That's fine" 

A short silence followed. 

"Well, I gotta go. I just called to see how you were feeling, really" 

Rachel smiled. 

"Okay" 

"I'll try to be back early. Love you" 

"Love you too" 

She hung up and closed her eyes again. 

Ross was so happy with this. It was painful for her to recognise it, but he had really got the chance of his life time. That was it. He had been chosen out of God knows how many people and that made her so proud. He was finally getting the recognition he deserved. The one even she and the other four always failed to give him. 

Rachel then let herself imagine how different life would be in a new country. And what did she even know about Brazil? Hm, beaches? Carnival? Jungles and animals? Was she willing to sacrifice her dear life in the Unites States for the sake of her husband? Her wedding vows said yes, but in real life it seemed _so_ hard. 

Besides, he had said they wouldn't have to go if she didn't want to. 

But would she ever be able to live with the fact of knowing that she had held him back? What sort of wife would do that? This just wasn't right. 

Only leaving didn't feel right either. 

Things going back to the way they were, that felt right. Was that too much to ask? 

Yeah, probably. 

She got up and went downstairs to take some medicine and try to eat some crackers.

* * *

"What?" Chandler accidentally dropped the hammer he was holding, causing a loud noise to rise. It made him jump up in a startle, a reaction that would usually be funny to watch. This time though, Ross was little amused by the scene. Snapping out of it, Chandler looked back at Ross "You guys are moving to Brazil?" 

"No, no, we haven't made up our minds about that yet" 

"Wow, this is crazy" Chandler's mind raced. First Joey and now Ross? _And_ Rachel? 

"I know" Ross looked down and sighed. 

Chandler noticed his behavior. This must be a hard decision, he thought. Moving to another country was going to be hard, and making it happen would take so much more than just wanting it. He knew Ross couldn't let himself be selfish, and that was sure was the last thing his friend would do. He thought of what he would do if it was him in Ross' shoes. How would Monica handle it? 

"When do you have to make up your mind?" 

"Anytime untill the next three weeks" 

"Well, that's a reasonable deadline" Chandler shrugged, not really knowing what else to say. 

But not so much time if compared to that would come after it, so very much affected by his decision, Ross thought. 

He sighed and sat down on a bench, at Monica and Chandler's garage. For some reason, Chandler had bought of bunch of tools and seemed to be wanting to built something. Ross was confused, but did not ask. He already had too much to worry about than his brother in law's new hobby. Chandler sighed and sat down across from him. 

"Any ideas on what you're gonna do?" 

Ross looked up. 

"What kills me is that I really, _really_ want this. But I don't want her to do this unless she wants to too" 

"Yeah, I guess the decision is pretty much in her hands now" Chandler concluded. 

Ross couldn't help but wonder. 

"But what if she says no?" 

"She'll know what's best, Ross. If she says no, then this is something you'll have to do for her. And uh, if she says yeah, this is something _she_ will do for you." 

Ross let that thought sink in. 

"And she's to decide who should sacrifice?" 

"Well, yeah. Fate will interfeer though." Chandler looked thoughtful for a while. Had he just said _fate would interfeer_? He needed a joke to steal focus of that! "Either that or, I don't know, a dime should do it" 

Chandler pulled a coin out of his pocket and Ross shot him a look. 

"Rachel, that's like, a whole new country!" Monica was swinging her wooden spoon up in the air madly, making Rachel rather frightened. 

"No kidding" 

Monica looked down and approached Rachel, stroking her hair. That was so surreal. Could Rachel be leaving her after all of those years? Would they stop seeing each other practicly everyday? She didn't know if she could bear another major change in their friendship. 

"Have you guys decided anything yet?" 

"No." 

"And do you have any clue of what you're gonna do?" 

"God, no..." Rachel looked down shortly "I know he really wants this, Mon, but what if doesn't work out? We need to consider everything here, right? I mean, there's you guys and our families. I really want Mike and the baby to be in touch with their family, and Ben and-" 

"I'm sorry, "baby"?!" Monica cut her. 

Rachel realised she hadn't told Monica about the baby yet and smiled for a while. 

"I'm expecting, Mon" 

"Aw, honey, that's so great!" Monica hugged Rachel just untill something came to mind. "And when exactly were you expecting to tell us? Or would you do like when you were expecting Mike, making Phoebe find _your_ pregnancy test and making her tost on our fake baby during the wedding reception?" 

( One of the things I was refering to when I said I started writing this after _"The one with C&M's wedding"_) 

Rachel smiled weakly, remembering that day. 

"Okay, _that_ was really funny!" she chuckled. 

Monica simply shot her a look. 

Later that night they were all gathered around the dining room, eating. Silence filled the air while Rachel cut Mike's steak into little bits and Ross watched. The child looked rather sleepy. Monica kept eyeing Chandler in a way that told him, or, better yet, demanded him, to say something, anything. 

"So, hm, er, Mike! How was your nap?" was all Chandler could think of. 

"Fine" he rubbed his eyes. 

"Hm, good" 

Chandler looked at Monica, defeated. But she did not take that as an answer and shot him a harder look. Chandler felt rather scared and sat up straight. 

"So, a little bird told me about a certain job offer in Brazil!" he said brightly, getting a horror glare from his wife. 

Ross and Rachel eyed each other. 

"Who's going to Brazil?" Mike asked. 

"No one's going to Brazil so far, okay, honey?" Ross quickly said at the sight of Rachel's visible discomfort. 

"What job offer?" Mike insisted. 

"Hm, daddy got a job offer there, but your mother and I haven't decided anything about it yet, okay?" 

"Okay." 

Rachel finished cutting Mike's pieces and looked back at her plate. She poked her food twice and then looked at Ross and Mike. 

"Hm, I'm not really hungry, I- excuse me." she stood up and walked up to the kitchen. After a second, Ross excused himself and followed her. 

Rachel put her plate in the sink and just stood there for a while. With a deep sigh, she got the water running, but was stopped by Ross' presence. 

"You should eat something, Rach. At least for the baby" his voice was not demanding. It was sweet. 

She turned around. 

"I'm feeling kind of nauseous right now, actually. I'll try and eat something later, I'm not at my best today" 

He nodded. 

"Okay" 

Rachel gave him a sad smile and sat down on the table, keeping her eyes on him. 

"Hey, listen" he approached and knelt down in front of her, taking her hands. "I don't want things to be weird around us, Rach" Looking at her that very moment, Ross realised nothing in this world would be worth losing her "What I told you the other day still stands. I have what I want, okay? Sure, I would love that job and all, but it just wouldn't be worth it if you were unhappy" 

She smiled differently now. Hearing his sweet words always pulled her up in a better mood. 

How could she say no to that? 

How could she deny something to that man? 

Disregarding all of her previous thoughts, she started giving in. 

Being taken away by the moment, by the wish to please him, she started thinking things through. 

Or did she really? 

People move away like that all the time, it shouldn't be too hard. They were still young, they'd have a lot of new things to look foward. And she had a good job in the US, sure, but she could get another one, right? It was not the end of the world! She'd miss her friends and of course they could never be replaced, but she could also make new ones. 

Things _could_ be simple. 

Rachel leaned in and kissed Ross. When they parted, he still spotted a thoughtful look on her face. 

"You really think this is gonna turn our lives around, don't you?" 

She thought about what he asked. 

"Yes" 

He looked down and kissed her hands. 

"But..." she closed her eyes and sighed "Let's do it" 

Ross quickly looked up. 

_"I want her everywhere,  
and if she's beside me I know I need never care,  
But to love her is to meet her everywhere,  
Knowing that my love is to share..."_

* * *

Not particulary crazy about this chapter, but I promise things are gonna get more interesting next one. This was only stuff I had to add in order for the story to work better later :) Notice that some of the stuff I said there were things Rachel was thinking, not the "truth". You'll see what I mean later.   
  
Oh, at the end, a piece of _'Here There and Everywhere'_ by the Beatles. I screamed out loud here when they played it on Phoebe's wedding :) Anyway... ah, reviews, please? :D 


	4. Chapter 4

**The one to give**  
by Tina

* * *

I'm gonna be true to you guys. I like writing subtle things, but I think (actually, I'm very sure of it!) that I suck at it. 'Cause everytime I try to write a clue to what's about to happen, subtly (and yet it's an important detail to the story as a whole), I fear you're not gonna pick it up. Not because you're not sensitive enough, lol, but because I think I can't make it subtle and yet sort of clear at the same time. Does that make sense? 

Plus, it's little things that will only make sense on future chapters. So I think you might all forget about them! It's complicated, but it's bothering me. Last chapter was full of those things. But I got some reviews that made me happy, you guys sort of picked some things up. Yes, Rachel's not thinking things through. Her decision's been an impulse. 

Now... I just wanna say that the last 3 chapters have only been background information. The real story starts now. So please don't complain about it (lol!). At the end of the chapter I'll get back to that, I don't wanna spoil anyone, anymore :) So on with the story!

* * *

Ross was driving his black Jaguar down Barra da Tijuca beach. His dark sun glasses went either too well or not at all with his black suit. The few girls at the beach whose heads turned to watch him drive by certainly agreed with the first choice. But Ross didn't even seen to notice them. Loud music surrounded him and he sang out long, banging on the steering wheel. 

_'American woman, stay away from me. American woman, mama let me be... Don't come hanging 'round my door, I don't wanna see your face no more. I got more important things to do than spend my time going on with you...'_

He wasn't paying atention to the lyrics. 

The ride to the museum wasn't long. Ross parked his car in his exclusive lot and entered the builting. It was an old looking huge construction in the middle of a park. Ross had been told it used to be a mantion of the Portuguese court in Napoleon times, when the king had to be relocated to Brazil and Rio de Janeiro temporarily became a piece of Portugal. 

Indeed, it had an unique royal look. The ceilings were high and a lot of other things remained they way they should have looked like back then. Others, however, had been given a modern treatment. There were computers, cameras and other eletronic devices everywhere. Antique works of art filled some hallway walls, but interactive screens and displays filled the rooms. 

Ross crossed the hall towards his office and greeted his secretary. 

"Good morning, Juliana." 

She was on the phone. 

"Oh, Dr. Geller has just entered the builting, can you hold untill I pass the call? Okay, thank you." she held a hand over the speaker "Goodmorning, Dr. Geller, it's Dr. Morris Phillis from the London Institute" 

"Great, any other calls?" 

"They're all written down in your desk" 

"Thanks" 

Ross entered his office and threw his briefcase on the couch, quickly picking up the phone. 

The days were always so busy at the museum. 

Thank God.

* * *

It was a beautiful sunset to be admired at the beach. Ross didn't want to go home, so he parked his car and walked along the sand. He loosened up his tie and hung his head. Why had he been feeling so low lately? It'd been almost two years since she left, it should had eased up the pain. 

Only it never did. 

Everytime he thought things were looking better, he somehow managed to feel worse. Nothing had to happen. His mind just drifted, a bit too far. 

But he didn't want to think about that. The more he did, the more confused he got. Three years ago they had moved and the problems began. Yet, he still couldn't understand exactly what happened. Exactly who was to blame for the end of his happiness. 

Who was he kidding, after all? Driving his fancy car, living in his fancy big apartment, wearing fancy clothes? What did it matter if, at the end of the day, it would be just him and his things? They couldn't do the things his family did. 

They were simply fancy lies. 

However, going to work still gave him perspective. It seemed like the only thing that made life worth those days. 

On the past, Ross would swear he'd leave it on a heartbeat if Rachel asked him to. But not after all they'd gone through. Rachel had changed. She was a complete different person now and she'd made it very clear she didn't want him back. She didn't want him back into her life, or even into the same country as her. She wanted him there, doing _his_ own things. 

As if they had never shared anything. 

Not love, not life, not ceilings, not kids... not anything. 

Their kids, he barely saw them. Mike was still the same sweet boy so much in love with him. It broke Ross' heart to se how much he still cared for him. Sometimes he wished he didn't. It hurt to see the tears in his eyes everytime he had to leave. Ella... Ross never had the chance to be around her much. Not long after she was born, Rachel was already moving out. The way his little girl looked at him scared Ross. He was a stranger to his own daughter. 

Ross looked at his watch. He should head home, he had to call his kids and tell them the news.

* * *

Since Rachel and the kids took off, the apartment seemed to have tripled its size. It was scarily big. 

Ross turned the lights on and stood by the door for a while, just looking around. On his way to the kitchen, he saw the answering machine blinking. 

_"You have seven new messages"_

He sighed and carefully listened to the six messages concerning his job. When the last one started, though, Ross somehow already knew it was a different one. 

_"You got the machine, so be quick"_ that faded voice was unforgetable. Ross shivered at the simple sound of it. 

_"Hey dad!"_ Mike's voice kicked in. _"How are you? We're fine. Well... Anyway, we called your office to talk to you and Juliana said you're coming to Miami! We just wanna know if you're coming over for a visit"_ Mike went silent for a few seconds. _"I hope so"_ Ross looked down. _"Ella, say hi to dad!"_

_"Hi, daddy"_ her baby voice was almost inaudible. 

_"The phone won't bite you, Ella! She's just embarassed, dad... Anyway, call us back when you have an answer, okay? Bye!"_

_Beep!_

Ross sighed and shook his head. So they already knew? 

Only now Ross had second thoughts. He always did when he was about to see them again. _Her_, again. And everytime he called he had to give himself good five minutes to get ready, on a good day. On a bad one, it could take hours. Or he'd just wait for a better oportunity. 

This time, Ross walked up to the stereo and put on a CD to help chill out. 

_"I don't have plans and schemes. And I don't have hopes and dreams. I don't have anything, since I don't have you" _

Ross made himself a drink. 

_"And I don't have fond desires. And I don't have happy hours. I don't have anything, since I don't have you."_

He walked up to the balcony and gazed at the sea. It was calm, the streets were quiet. 

It was all just awfully too quiet. 

_"Happiness, and I guess, I never will again. When you walked out on me, In walked ol' misery, And he's been here since then"_

Annoyed, he walked back into the apartment. First thing his eyes caught was a framed picture of Mike and Ella. He picked it up and stared at it. 

It was a rather recent one that they'd sent through the mail. Mike was getting everyday more like his mother. His hair was now rather long and he had managed to grow like any other six years old boy would. 

Ella, on the other hand, was a spitting image of Ross. She had chocolate brown eyes and hair. Her skin was milk white and she was very little. She was nothing like her brother Mike. Neither physically nor psychologically. Ella was quiet. The only person for whom she showed warm true affection was her mother. She rarely spoke, but her eyes were always capable of saying more than words. However, they almost never said good things. They usually just showed sorrow, the one she seemed to try to hide. 

Ross put the picture down. It wasn't helping. 

But the thought of wanting to see them again pushed him into picking up the phone. 

So he did. 

His shaky hand held it while his brain tried to remember the number to Rachel's new house. 

_"I don't have love to share, And I don't have one who cares. I don't have anything, Since I don't have you..."_

* * *

It's a little shorter and more dramatic than I had in mind! lol, but it works...! As I said, I'm done seeking perfection around here :) I'd rather have some fun ;) And since _I_ can't seem to have both...! 

Alright, listen. Yes, they're divorced. Why? You'll see why later. Actually... it's been said here. Rachel's changed. I'll elaborate that later. And I'll elaborate everything else later, too. This chapter is only to show that and Ross' life, sort of. Next one will be all Rachel, sort of like this one, only with more stuff. 

Then the story will begin for real ;) 

Ah... reviews? Please, I need to know what you think! :) Who knows, I might change some stuff I got in my mind! 


	5. Chapter 5

**The one to give**  
by Tina

* * *

These last reviews really got me in a good mood :D So here we go, this chapter will be longer (yay). And sorry this took long, but... _many_ things got in the way. Uh, one thing I wanna say. I always try to add Ben to my stories as much as I can, but this time I won't. It's just so complicated as it already is! I'm sorry.

* * *

Rachel took off her reading classes and sighed, pushing away the binders, folders and loose papers that filled her desk top. She looked at her watch and wasn't surprised to see it was three in the morning. Why should she bother changing into pajamas and going to bed if very soon she'd be up anyway? And even if she did get the guts to lay down for a few hours, who'd garantee that she'd manage to sleep? 

No, not tonight, she thought. That night was one of those when it all just came back, too strongly. When she couldn't push it away, they found a way into her mind. They wouldn't let her sleep. They'd _scream softly_ into her years. No matter how much time had passed, those thoughts wouldn't fade. 

Probably because even after all those years, she still felt guilty. But guilty for what? 

Rachel was always so thorn between conclusions: 

_Had she had the right to react like that?! Yes, she was leaving too much behind! _

But hadn't she said yes? Sure, but under a heavy load of pressure! 

Then why didn't she tell him? 'Cause he wanted it so much! 

So hiding it and diving into changes was the way to do that? Hm, yeah, maybe... 

And then what? Giving up and let him be the only one making effort to make things work? Make him eventually come back, as if nothing had ever happened? Make him actually feel guilty for bringing her there in the first place even though she'd **agreed**? 

Hmmm. 

Guilty. 

Rachel sighed and brushed tears away. 

Whatever. 

It'd been too long, it didn't matter now. He had his little life there, she had hers. She still didn't want to live there and was now pretty sure he wouldn't return. Her time to ask him to come back for her had passed. Each of them had things they weren't willing to leave behind this time. So she'd just have to face the fact that this was how things were going to be. 

Too much had changed. Bruises were still too recent. 

Time had healed nothing so far. If anything, it'd opened some cuts. The silent treatment only got her wondering. 

What was he up to? Did he have a new girlfriend? What was he doing that exact moment? 

She shouldn't...

* * *

"Mommy?" 

Silence. 

"Mommy??" 

A soft touch on her leg. 

"_Mommy_, are you up?" 

Rachel finally opened her eyes and saw her little girl looking at her. She smiled softly. After being hit by the sudden realisation that she'd slept on her home office though, she startled. 

"Baby, what time is it?" 

Ella just shrugged. Rachel didn't know if it was the sleepy mood she was still merged on, but she could see Ross clearily through their daughter's gesture. She always did. 

"Where's your brother?" Rachel sat up straight and rubbed her eyes, finally looking at her watch. It was almost seven o'clock. 

"I don't know" Ella threw herself onto her mother's arms and just stayed there, yawning. 

Rachel simply hugged her baby tight and kissed her hair, recalling her thoughts from the previous night. 

Their beautiful, precious little baby... 

"Mom?" 

"In the office" 

Mike entered and eyed his mother, confused. 

"Did you sleep in here?" Mike had a concerned look on his face. 

Rachel sighed. He always acted like the man of the house. She pondered and frowned. He really was. 

"What do you guys wanna do today? It's saturday and I got nothing to do all day" 

Mike looked down. He knew his suggestion wouldn't be taken, as it never seemed to be. 

"Do you wanna go to the zoo, Mike?" 

He looked up at her and disserted. 

"No" 

Rachel sensed how upset he was. She knew what it was. 

"I do, mommy" 

Rachel looked at her daughter and smiled weakly. 

"But dad's gonna call" Mike reasoned. 

"He can call my cell, sweetie" 

"Does he know the number?" Rachel went silent. "I'm staying" Mike pouted. 

Rachel quickly looked down and nodded. She could use a day in to rest, after all. 

"Okay"

* * *

Ross left the gate holding his one small piece of lugage, so little he could take it in the plane as handbag. He wouldn't need much anyway. By the next morning he'd be done with his business in Florida and ready to fly up to New York. His stomach double flipped. First chance he got, he picked up a phone and dialed Rachel's number, once again fearing the sound of her voice. 

Much to both his relief and disapointment, Mike was prompted right next to the phone, waiting for his father's promised call. At the slightest sound of the first ring, the boy dove for it. 

"Hello?" Mike's voice was hurried, as if ready to hang up the fastest he could if that wasn't his father. 

"Mike?" Mike smiled. "It's dad, hi!" 

"Hi dad! Have you arrived yet?" 

Rachel eyed them from a few feet behind. 

"Yeah, I just got to Miami. I'll be leaving early in the morning, I'll see you for lunch, okay? Tell you mother I'll pick you and Ella up, okay?" 

"Okay!" he couldn't wait. 

And so the day went by quick. Before Ross knew it, he was already turning off the engine of his rented car in front of Rachel's new house. It was the first time he'd ever come by. Last time he visited, she was living in an apartment in town. Now she lived in a rather large house in Long Island. Ross couldn't understand why she'd chosen to move back to the place where both of them grew up, but decided he wouldn't ask her, anyway. 

He picked up the presents he'd brought for his kids and nervously walked up to the front door. But he didn't have to go very far. Before he could approach the three-steps stairs, the door opened and Mike ran to his father's embrace. 

"Dad!!" 

Ross dropped to his knees and hugged his son. God, he'd missed that. 

"Hey, buddy. How are you doing?" 

Mike broke the hug. 

"Fine! C'mon!" 

Mike got his hand and dragged Ross into the house. 

His eyes were looking around for so much. For signs of his family's new life, what'd they been up to? For his little girl. For _her_. 

"Ella!! Dad's here!" 

Ross tried not letting his daughter's absense bring him down. He kept looking at Mike to try to make him feel better. But all the while, he wondered why Ella couldn't be as excited as her brother. Was he not a good dad to her? Nah, she probably just considered him an average guy who visited from time to time and brought presents. 

And ruined her mother's life. 

'She's just two years old', Ross tried to remember himself. 'This is just who she is.' 

"C'mon, dad, she's just in the livingroom, with mom" 

Ross swallowed hard and followed his son. They entered the livingroom. It was large and well decorated. Rachel was holding the telephone, aparently having just turned it off. She looked so beautiful. It took his breath away. Right next to her, stood Ella. She was looking at her father with a blank expression. Still, she made him smile. She was _so_ beautiful. Despite everyone's comments about how much she looked like him, he could still see so much of Rachel in her. Him and her mixed into one amazing little girl. 

"Hi Ella" Ross melted. 

Ross noticed the nudge Rachel gave on their daughter. The little girl crossed the room and Ross hugged her. 

Pure bliss. 

"Hi daddy" 

"How are you?" 

She just shrugged. 

"Hm, I brought presents" 

As if that would change everything. 

Ella smiled weakly and took her present. Mike thanked his father with a huge smile on his face and opened his. 

"This is so cool, dad, thanks!" 

Another fancy toy that must've cost his a fortune. Rachel just watched. 

Ross moved his sight and looked at her again. She'd aparently done something different with her hair again. It was long, still very blond, loose, cascating in soft curls. She was still as fit, as fashionable as she'd always looked, even wearing an average outfit. It hurt even more to admit how much he was still atracted to her. 

"Hi, Rachel, how have you been?" he politely asked. 

"Fine. You?" 

"Good" 

Rachel helped their daughter picking up the wrapping paper from the floor and then looked up at him again, trying to act cooly indifferent. 

"Good. How's Rio?" 

Her ways almost made him fall quiet. But the small talk was needed, for their kids' sake. 

"Hm, still there" 

She gave him a fake smile and he smiled back, much like her. 

"Dad, come and see my bedroom, I wanna show you something!" 

Mike once again grabbed his father's hand and dragged him up. This time it didn't take him much effort though, Ross was glad to escape from the coldness of the room. 

As she pressed the wrapping paper tight inside her hands, Rachel looked down at Ella and saw the glow in her eyes as she looked at the teddy bear she'd just got. Presents could still buy a lot those days, it seemed.

* * *

After a long drive by many restaurants, Ross finally ended up taking his kids to McDonalds. Ella remained quiet, sucking on her straw. Mike, on the other hand, was fussing around the Happy Meal boxes while rambling on about something he'd seen on t.v.. 

"But it's not as good as it used to be, they killed off my favorite character!" Mike looked inside his box again "Ella, did you get my toy?" 

Ella just smiled innocently and kept drinking her beverage. Mike sighed and Ross couldn't help but chuckle. 

"So, have you guys seen Aunt Monica?" 

Mike was taken aback by the question. 

"Hm, what?" 

Ross noticed his nervousness. 

"Your Aunt Monica, have you seen her lately?" 

Mike looked down. He knew that would make his dad upset with his mom. So he just felt silent and very slowly shook his head. 

"What? Why?" 

He didn't want to speak and make things harder. But lying to his father didn't seem like a good thing to do either. 

He simply shrugged. 

Ross realised the position he was putting his son in and sighed. He'd have to talk to Rachel about it. He never did because the thought never crossed his mind, he didn't think it would be necessary. He had to know one thing though. 

"When was the last time you saw her?" his voice was calm this time. 

"Hm, Christmas? Grandma called and invited us to go there. We went there for a couple of hours" 

Ross ruffled his son's hair and tried to smile. 

"What do you say we go over there now so you can see your cousins? I bet Jack's catching up to you" 

Mike smiled, pleased. 

"Yeah" 

Ross hugged his son and kissed his hair, while he looked at Ella. She was still quietly focusing in her drink. 

He missed these simple things.

* * *

Mike's eyelids were falling softly as Ross watched. Each time they took longer to open, but the little boy seemed eager to stay awake. His father was leaving in the morning, this was going to be the last time he saw him in God knows how long. He had to stay awake... to savour this... to have a daddy... 

They didn't open again for that night. 

Ross kept watching him for a little longer. Having already put Ella down aswell, this left him nothing else to do at that house. But he couldn't move, he couldn't leave just now. 

After what seemed to a whole hour, he got up and closed the door after himself. 

Downstairs, Rachel was picking up toys from the floor. Ross stood by the doorway not wanting to interrupt her, to bother her. He should just leave. 

But... no. He had to ask her. 

He cleared his throat to draw her atention. Sure enough, she looked up. 

"Well, both of them are down." 

"Good" was all she answered. 

Ross' mind raced. How should he begin? 

"Rachel, hm, listen. There's something I want to ask you." Her entire body froze. What could this be about? Oh, so much. "Can I..." he trailed off and motioned to the couch. 

"Sure, sure, sit down" 

He sat down and she followed his steps, sitting on a near by chair. 

"What is it?" 

There was so much he _wanted_ to ask, to say to her. But no, this time he'd stick to the one thing he'd been thinking about for so long. 

"Well, as you know, summer vacation is coming and Mike will be free from school..." She sighed, it couldn't be "...and I was just wondering if the kids could come down to stay with me for a while" It was fair, but Rachel was blinded by her so many feelings "It's just that I haven't seen them much the past two years and I just..." he stopped and tried to melt down her cold expression with his warm words "...I miss them" 

Rachel looked down and sighed. They'd never gone by a single night away from her. 

No! No, no, no! 

Saying no was so easy. 

She looked up at him. 

No... saying no to that face of his was not easy. 

"The whole summer, Ross?" 

"No, maybe not the whole summer, they probably woulnd't take that, but...! A few weeks, I don't know. You can come too, they're gonna miss you. This way they'll have a good time and I'll get to be with them. It's just that I can't get time off that time of the year and it's the only time Mike will be able to tag along and, God, Rachel, I miss them" 

"I _had_ plans for the summer, you know?" her voice was annoyed. 

"Whatever it is, you can do it there, Rachel" 

"Yeah, I'll take the kids to Disneyland in Brazil, that makes perfect sense!" she shot him an angry look. 

He was starting to lose his temper aswell... 

"God Rachel, don't be selfish! You spend the whole time with them, I just get to see them once in a while. Do you think this is easy for me?? They're as much mine as they are yours!" 

He paused. Her response to that terrified him to death. 

Amazingly enough, it seemed he'd hit a safe spot. 

So many scenes flashed in her mind, along with their so many feelings... 

"And what about my work?" her voice was softer. 

"Can't you get a week or two off? I mean, you were going to take it anyway to go to Disneyland." Silence followed. "Please, it'd mean a lot to me, Rachel, you have no idea" 

She looked at him and looked a bit down... There was a moment of silence. 

"I'm just not sure I can go back there so soon." He noticed her eyes glistening with tears and stopped breathing. He had no idea. "I mean, we moved in there and all the fights began, Ross, I- I don't know... It would just be hard for me" 

Ross looked a bit down. He didn't want this to come out the wrong way. 

"Hm, you don't have to come if you don't feel comfortable" 

She shot him a look. That did sound terrible. 

"But I don't wanna be away from them." 

"Neither do I, Rachel! And yet, that's how it's been for two intire years for me!" They kept looking at each other for a while. He had a point, she noticed. This really must be horrible for him... "You know how important these children are to me. If you don't wanna go, that's fine. But, as a parent, I also have the right to be with my kids once in a while" 

Silence. 

"Okay. It's only fair" 

"Thank you!" he said as if this was _just_ fair. 

"But I'm going with them."

* * *

lol, I got nothing to say :) If you do, you know what to do (errrr, review!! :)). See you (hopefully) soon!! :D 


	6. Chapter 6

**The one to give**  
by Tina

* * *

Thanks so much for the great reviews :D Now... life's been busy lately and my brother's been using the computer way too much for my taste, lol! Which explains why the chapters are taking longer to come around... Sorry for that! 

Note to brazilians: I don't know if that airport at the beach in Rio de Janeiro (Santos Dumont, is it?) makes international flights. If it doesn't, let's say Rachel switched planes in Cumbica (the international airport of São Paulo :P). It's pretty irrelevant, I know, but I get all sorts of e-mails and comments saying these things shrugs

* * *

Ross opened the door to Ella's old bedroom. He had to run a few adjustments here and there over the last few weeks to suit his daughter's current age and now it was perfect. The walls were still the same pale pink they were when she left, but the old crib was replaced by a small bed. Most of her toys had been taken back to the States, but Ross had bought new ones to refill her shelves. The room was rather large and, when visiting the furniture store, Ross couldn't help himself. It was now completely packed with all sorts of things for Ella. 

Nothing would ever be too much for his princess. 

He walked in and picked up one toy. That one was an old one, Ella had got it at the hospital the very day she was born. Despite the hardness of the circunstances, Ross still recalled that day with great affection. 

His parents and the whole gang had flown down to Brazil to meet the baby. Rachel had a C-section this time, so she was able to set a date and everybody planned a one week trip. By then things were already rough between the two of them, but he always figured it was the pregnancy. Blaming her hormones was the easier choice. 

He placed the stuffed animal down again and shook those thoughts away. That didn't matter now. What mattered was the next few weeks and all the plans he had for them. He felt he had the need to satisfy everyone. Mike was sure going to love it anyway, but he had to finally win Ella. And Rachel... as long as she could just realise how much this meant for him, it'd be enough. 

He sighed and looked around the room one last time. For weeks now, this had been some sort of ritual. He would go there and long for the day they'd arrive. 

And that day had finally come. 

Why wasn't he prepared?!

* * *

Rachel couldn't control the sweating of her hands. Nor the mad butterflies in her belly and the strong beating of her heart. She dared looking out the window of the plane, to which Mike had his face pressed against. It was a sunny day outside, the sky was so blue. She managed to see a bit of the sea and green tops of mountains. At the flight atendants' message, she leaned against her chair and sighed. 

They'd be landing in about fifteen minutes. 

She looked down at Ella, between her and Mike and saw the girl simply clutching on the stuffed animal her father had given her on his last visit. Ella usually got tired of her toys after a week or so, but she hung on to that one. Rachel was glad she did, she knew this very simple act would make Ross' day. That and... oh, so much more. 

Some time later, Rachel had picked all of her lugage and was leaving the gate, followed by her two children. Gradually, the language people were speaking changed. The familiar sound of the new language brought back memories. The musicality of the words she knew, the so many times she didn't know what people were speaking, what Ross was speaking... And many other irrelevant moments to the matter. 

It was all just very much discomforting. 

Without noticing, they were already out and surrounded by many people who were waiting for the other passengers. 

"Mike, stay around, sweetie" 

Rachel held Ella's hand with one of hers and pushed the cart with another, while Mike wandered around looking for Ross. 

"Mike, come here!" 

Mike looked back at his mother for just a moment, and then continued his journey. Rachel sighed, Mike was only reluctant to listening to her when it came to Ross. She absolutely hated that. When the boy ran and became out of sight, Rachel panicked. 

"Michael Geller Green, come back here!" 

And Ross stepped closer between a group of people, holding Mike on his arms. He couldn't understand the angry look on Rachel's face. 

"What, what is it? What happened?" 

Rachel ignored him and looked straight at Mike. 

"Don't you ever do that again, Mike, do you understand me?" 

"But I'd seen dad!" 

"I don't care, you don't just run away like that in an unknown place out of my sight! And don't you dare ignore me like that again!" 

Rachel's outburst took Ross by surprise. He knew her too well, though. Even though Mike's actions had been indeed very wrong, she would normally not talk to him like that. Other things were bothering her and she took it out on Mike. He wasn't about to blame her though. He looked down at the final realisation that the next couple of weeks were not going to be a fairy tale. Too many emotions were being hidden and disguised. And they were going to end up rising once in a while, one way or another. 

He put Mike down and knelt down next to him. 

"Did you ignore your mother, Mike?" 

The little boy looked down. 

"It's just that I'd seen you and I wanted to talk to you and she told me to wait and I didn't want to wait anymore!" 

Ross and Rachel were both touched by that, but did't want to show. They couldn't let Mike's round blue eyes get away with everything, as much as they were tempted to, sometimes. 

"I get that, son, and I apreciate it too. I didn't want to wait, either. But you can't treat your mother like this." the boy remained in silence. "Understood?" he just shook his head yes, still looking gloomy. Ross quickly looked up at Rachel before hugging Mike again. "Now, we're all here and we're gonna have a good time, right?" 

When he pulled away he saw a faint yet genuine smile on his son's face. Shifting his sight again, he finally noticed Ella, who was just watching the whole scene with curious eyes. Sometimes he couldn't believe how gorgeous she was. Everytime he remembered her or looked at a picture, he thought he ought to be mistaken. No one could be that beautiful. But she so was. 

"Hi Ella!" 

Ross hugged her tight. Her tiny arms barely reached his back, but it didn't matter to him. 

"How was the flight?" 

She shrugged, shy. 

"Good" 

Such a soft and sweet voice. 

He finally stood up and looked at Rachel. Despite the tired looks, he could say about her the very same things he thought about Ella. 

"Hi, Rachel" 

They politely hugged. He had to hold his breath to prevent himself from smelling her hair. 

"Hey" 

"How was the flight?" 

"Well, long" he chuckled more out of politeness than anything "These guys got to sleep a lot, but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to go to bed earlier today" 

"That's fine" he smiled. "Here, let me help you" 

He took the cart from her. 

"Oh, thanks" 

On their practicly silent way to the parking lot - Mike seemed to still be upset - Ross' eyes recognised the stuffed animal Ella was holding and smiled to himself. When they reached his car, Rachel sighed. A black Jaguar, she should had known. The Mercedes didn't last for too long, why would the BMW? Same old _Rio Ross_, as she'd nick named him. 

"Don't get fooled, Rachel" she mentally told herself. 

After all the lugages had been loaded, she entered on the front seat beside him while the kids had trouble getting on the back. 

"Put the seat belt on, guys, c'mon" 

"It's hurting my neck" Mike held the cords with his hand, trying to avoid it to rub against his neck. 

"Here" Ross helped him adjust the height and Mike smiled. 

"Thanks, dad" 

"Mommy!!" Ella's helpless voice caught their atention. The little girl appeared to be tangled. 

Rachel couldn't help but chuckle. But before she could help, Ross was already at it. 

"Does she use a car seat, still?" Ross turned and asked Rachel. 

"Yes" 

"Damn, I should've thought of that!" 

The hard disapoitment portrayed in Ross' face for such a foolish thing did something to Rachel. 

"Hey, don't worry" 

He looked down at her hand which was touching his arm, surprised. When he looked back at her, she took it off and approached Ella. 

After the seat belt fiasco had been solved, they were finally out of the parking lot, now with a lighter spirit. 

The city which had been Rachel's home for a whole year was such a strange contrast between familiar and unknown. She realised she never really took the time to allow herself to get to know it, to come to love it. She couldn't. She wasn't supposed to. She'd be betraying so many ideals and plans. The life as she knew it. 

Common sense. 

It was like recognising something from a dream, a dejavú. You remember it so vividly, and at the same time so distorted. 

She was completely oblivious to the conversation Ross and Mike were having. It seemed as if Ross was pointing out names of the places, while Rachel recalled memories of them. The hotel where they'd lived for a few months before they bought their apartment, the beach where she'd exercise every morning, the place where she'd take the kids in the afternoon for ice cream, the restaurant Ross had taken her once to. Standing on that bench completely by herself, watching as people passed by, played soccer on the sand, jumped from the big rock in Delta Wings. Just wondering, wandering,... 

Quickly enough they were already driving down Barra da Tijuca beach, where Ross lived. Rachel remembered it was her who insisted on buying that particular apartment. The neighbourhood was quiet, full of little yet luxious apartments. It didn't look much like the rest of the city, it looked like a small resident area in Florida. Since Rachel didn't even get the time to look for a job there - and, honestly, she never intended to -, she spent most of her time in that neighbourhood. Mike's school was there and it was full of shopping malls. What else could she ask for in that one year? 

And then something popped into Rachel's head. 

"How's Flávia?" she didn't even realise she'd just cut Ross' sentense. 

Nevertheless, he smiled. 

"She's fine. I actually ran into her the other day and I told her you were coming. She's gonna give you a call so you can go out, just the two of you, if you feel like it some of these days" 

Rachel looked back straight ahead. That'd be nice. 

"Who's Flávia?" Mike questioned. 

"She was my- _our_ Portuguese teacher, don't you remember her, Mike?" The little boy shook his head. "Yeah, she'd come over everyday and spend some time with us, to teach us the language and help us doing our things like shopping and all" 

But more than that, Flávia was the only person Rachel had to talk to those days. And she got paid for it. 

She sighed and looked out the window again. Yes, being back was sure painful. So many memories she wished she could keep locked somewhere behind her mind, so many things she wished she'd forget, demons she wished she didn't have to face one more time. The garage door opened as did a little window in Rachel, releasing things she prayed and finally believed she'd lost along the way. 

She was so wrong.

* * *

This is it for now. I was hoping I'd go farther, but I believe if I don't post this now, it'll take me a long time to do it! This is kinda of boring, yeah... But it'll get better soon (lol, I say this all the time, I know). I've just been very busy, sorry...! Either way, I already got the beginning of next chapter. I just didnt add it here 'cause it would mess up the structure of the story!  
Hm, reviews?? :D 


	7. Chapter 7

**The one to give**  
by Tina

* * *

Ross pushed the door open and walked in with the lugages. Rachel took her time, letting her eyes carefully run over every inch of the livingroom before finally stepping inside, after her children. She'd solely decorated the entire penthouse, but refused take anything when she left. She looked at the sculptures and remembered they never got to use them before, they used to be kept in their closet. They would wait untill the kids were older to expose them. 

"Do you want me to take them out?" 

She startled. 

"What?" 

"The sculptures. Do you want me to take them out, back to the closet?" he repeated. 

She realised he noticed she was looking at them. 

"No, that's fine. I guess it won't really be a problem anymore" 

Next thing she noticed was how he'd kept the safety net on the windows and balcony, even though their kids didn't live there anymore. Maybe he'd just recently put therm back up, she though. She slowly crossed the room towards the balcony and Ella followed her. The view was amazing. The apartment was right across the street from the beach and oversaw all of the coast line of Barra da Tijuca. She breathed the salty air and looked down at Ella. 

"Do you like it, honey?" 

"It's big" 

Rachel chuckled. 

"Well, this was your first home..." 

Watching from a good distance, Ross seased the oportunity. 

"And do you wanna see your first bedroom, sweetie?" 

Ella simply nodded and took Rachel's hand, assuring herself her mother would be by her side. When Ross opened the door to Ella's bedroom, Rachel had to swallow her gasp. 

"I had to run a few changes around here, though. There are new toys and other things more apropriate for your age." Ross looked at Ella and was glad to see her eyes brightening up. "Do you like it?" 

"Yes!" 

Ella ran in and span around once, letting her eyes see everything she'd got. It took Rachel by surprise, it even annoyed her. Ross, on the other hand, had a huge grin on his face. His hard work had not been in vain. 

"What about my room, dad??" 

Ross felt Mike tugging on his shirt and smiled. 

"C'mon, I'll take you there" 

When they left, Rachel walked in and kept looking around Ella's bedroom, there was too much to see. The toys, the furniture, the framed pictures. She picked up a frame which contained one of the very last pictures they'd taken as a real family. Ha, real... Rachel didn't know what that word meant, anymore. Still, she let her memory run free, something she wouldn't normally allow herself to do. 

_ Just like they did every single sunday morning, Ross and Rachel were at the beach with their kids. Rachel was for once lying in the sand, tanning, while she watched Mike from a reasonable distance. The little boy was by the edge of the ocean, aparently trying to built a sand castle, Rachel wasn't sure. As smart as he was, Mike couldn't be exactly considered an artist. _

Far from them, Rachel could also peek on Ross and Ella. They were closer to the street, under a booth. Ross was drinking coconut milk and leaning over the stroller, smiling widely at the baby. A mix of frustration, anger and sadness filled Rachel in moments like those, sometimes. They had been living in Rio de Janeiro for almost an entire year and it seemed like Ross was beginning to create roots in there, while Rachel refused to. 

She couldn't stop thinking about New York. Going to Monica and Chandler's, talking to Phoebe, their kids, working, the coffee house... Manhattan and everything it could provide her. She even missed the rush people always seemed to be in, which was such a contrast against the way brazilians seemed to act. The "don't know, don't care" motto was also gone, which was something she would believe she'd like. But the interest brazilians seemed to hold towards her felt disrespecting, she wanted to keep her privacy. Those days, she could easily snap at a simple "How are you?" 

Thing is, she'd hate everything from there before hand, whatever it was. She wouldn't give it a chance, she couldn't give it a chance! 

It didn't matter what could happen. She was not in for bending. After giving in to Ross' oportunity, she realised things weren't easy like that. So she stopped putting effort on it. She stopped putting effort into anything. It was his turn, if he cared about their family, he'd fix things. 

He had noticed how things were different, she knew that. But he'd surprisingly backed out and gave her space. If he thinks time's gonna solve things, magically like that, he's wrong, she thought to herself. As selfish as she knowingly was, Rachel just wanted to go back. She kept making excuses, many "if he cares...". But truth was, whatever he made, wouldn't be enough. 

"If he cares... he'll work on it and make things better here."  
But whatever he did, wouldn't make things brighter. She didn't want to be there. And she wanted him to stop pretending, it was worthless. 

"If he cares... he'll give me space."  
As it turns out, that's what he did. And she hated it. Was he just going to stand there and wait for something to happen? For her to work, again? She was too tired. 

"If he cares... then he'll go back to New York."  
But she would still hold resentment, for the fact he ever considered dragging her down there. Things were never going to be the same again. 

What were they doing there then? What was the point if, either way, things were going to end up bad? 

Rachel hurt. She hurt because she was alone. She hurt because she felt unloved, as if Ross didn't care about her anymore. She wasn't priority. Because he was a different person now. And, most of all, she hurt because she knew she was only making things harder for them. She hurt because their marriege was dying. 

And she blamed him. She couldn't help but. 

And she hated him for that. He was killing their love, how could he? She had to hurt him too. And by the look on his face, looking down on Ella, she knew taking the kids away would be the best way to do that. 

Since the decision to move to Brazil, those thoughts filled Rachel's mind once in a while. Since Ella's birth, however, their frequence increased. 

She'd usually change her mind, thinking it was just the hormones. If she could just try, they could make it. And they would be one happy family again. 

But she'd already sacrificed so much, now it's his turn! 

Rachel sighed and looked back at Mike. Her eyes filled up with tears and she sighed. If she was so unhappy, maybe she really should leave. Not to hurt Ross, not to take the kids from him. Just for herself. 

If only she could get... a break. 

How ironic. 

As confusing as her memories were, so full of emotional contractions, Rachel remembered it all vividly and still understood. She could still savour that confusion, after all she had not yet come to a conclusion. How could she had been so enclosured in her own little feelings? Maybe if she'd opened up...! 

Too late. 

To pull her back from her memories, Ross re-entered the room. 

"Well, Mike's changing, he said he wants to go down at the beach. Are you coming?" 

Rachel looked down at Ella and saw her surrounded by toys. The little girl, however, looked interested. 

"What do you say, Ella?" 

"Okay!" 

Ross smiled. 

"Well, Rach, I've put your lugage in the guestroom, okay?" 

"Yeah, sure" 

Ross was about to leave when Rachel continued. 

"Hey, Ross, isn't it a bit cold for the beach? This is supposed to be winter, right?" 

Ross smiled again. He had such a pretty-boyish smile when he was happy like that. 

"Yeah, but it's pretty hot today. I'll have Mike bring down a sweat shirt either way and since the sea water's probably cold I'm thinking he could come and swim in the pool, which is heated" 

"Right", Rachel had forgotten about the pool on the second floor of the penthouse. Now she just hoped she could convince their kids to go back to New York at the end of the following two weeks.

* * *

The beach was rather fun. Rachel played in the sand with Ella, while Mike ran around with Ross, kicking a soccer ball. At one point, they'd improvised goal posts with Ella's new sand toys and Ross pretended he couldn't catch the balls Mike would kick towards it. They had coconut milk while Mike listed all the things he wanted to do the next few days and finished their lovely afternoon going to the pool after watching the sunset at the beach. 

Mike was lying on top of a floating matress and Ella had floaties on her arms. Being too scared to float by herself, the little girl was hanging on to Rachel with all her might. 

"Ella, let go, nothing's gonna happen!" Mike rolled his eyes. 

"No!" 

"Mike, leave your sister" Rachel said patiently. 

The little boy just turned to his father's direction and dived, swimming underwater towards him. When he returned to the surface, he had a wide smile on his face. 

"Did you see that, dad??" 

Rachel turned to Ella. 

"Sweetie, mom's got to go to the bathroom" 

"No!!" 

Rachel sighed and smiled. 

"Oh, yes, I do" 

Ross couldn't help but chuckle. 

"C'mon, Ella, just let go, nothing's gonna happen, you're not gonna drown" 

"Mommy, please!" 

"Come here, Ella, I'll take you while your mother goes" Ross interrupted them. 

Ella looked at Rachel, who smiled. Ross took Emma on his arms and Rachel left the pool. He couldn't help but watch her leave. 

Then he lowered his sight to his daughter and smiled wider. He leaned in and kissed her hair. He wanted her to love him so much. 

"Are you liking it here, Ella?" she just nodded. "Anything you wanna do that Mike hasn't said yet?" she disserted. "And do you miss anything from home?" 

One more time, she disserted and Ross ran out of things to ask. 

Fortunatelly, Mike approached and started playfully splashing water at them. Ella spashed water back, giggling in Ross' arms. It was so adorable he couldn't help but hold her tighter. 

When Rachel returned, she couldn't help but notice how Mike and Ella's lips were starting to turn blue, despite the warm water. The weather was getting quite chilling. 

"Guys, sorry to interrupt, but it's time to take a nice hot shower, it's getting late. Come on" 

Ross helped Ella and Mike out. 

"While you do that, I'll make us dinner. What do you guys wanna have?" 

"Mac and cheese!!" Mike shouted. 

Ross chuckled, he hadn't cooked that in a while. Not a very usual dish in Brazil. 

"I'll try to arrange that" 

And sealing their first day, after putting the kids to bed - and getting rather upset by the fact Ella, for once, decided to sleep in her own bedroom and not in bed with her - Rachel bumped into Ross on the way to the kitchen. 

"Oh, I'm just gonna get a glass of water" 

Ross smiled politely. 

"You don't need to explain yourself." 

This is _you_ house now, Ross, Rachel thought to herself. To him, she just smiled. 

"Right" 

She turned to continue her way to the kitchen, but his voice stopped her. 

"Hey Rach" she looked back at him. "I don't think I ever got around to really thank you for this. I know it's, well, hard coming back, but... This means a lot to me. I wish you'd understand how much I apreciate this" 

She simply looked at him. 

"I do" 

She gave him the best smile she could, at the time - which was not a very big one - and entered the kitchen. 

Ross sighed and went to his bedroom. 

Maybe it was't going to be _so_ hard, after all.

* * *

This chapter is weird and confusing, but I'm posting anyway 'cause I wanna move foward any way I can! I'm going through a very blah phase right now and so it's like I can't concentrate too well. Still, writing is something that helps, in a way. So I'm doing it! :) Hm... reviews? They'll get me in a better mood ;) Probably get me to focus more?? lol! :) 


	8. Chapter 8

**The one to give**  
by Tina

* * *

Rachel woke up the next morning with a delicious smell of breakfast filling her room. She coudn't tell if it was coming from their kitchen or from one of the neighbours, but her empty stomach hoped for the first option. Still, she allowed herself to lay on the bed for a little longer, it was too early to get up. She let her eyes look around the room for a while, thinking of how she never expected herself to be the one using it. 

After another round of thoughts that led her to no conclusions, Rachel pushed them away and took a shower. When she was done, on her way to the kitchen she dropped by Ella and Mike's room and found both empty and already neatly cleaned. 

Right, how could she'd forgotten? 

Rachel entred the kitchen and found both her kids and Ross there, while a woman was cooking something. 

"G'morning, mommy!" Ella shouted with her mouth full of pancakes. 

"Morning, sweetie" 

At this, the woman turned around and smiled at Rachel. 

"Dona Raquel, tudo bom?" 

After months of trying to get Vanda, the maid, pronounce her name properly, Rachel had given up. Her interaction with her used to be a funny thing to watch, even earned Rachel a few laughs, given that Vanda couldn't speak English and Rachel's Portuguese never seemed to improve much. Still, she remembered enough to greet Vanda and have a very brief conversation about how things have been. 

When Rachel sat down, she noticed there was not one single empty spot over the table. It was filled with all the things Rachel would ask Vanda to make, such as pancakes, eggs, bacons and other traditionally american breakfast food. This time, however, Rachel noticed there were things in there that didn't use to be part of their breakfast when she lived there. There were many fruits, some of which she could not recognise. 

"I let Dalva and Celina go after you guys left, but I could try and find another nanny for the next few days, if you want. Vanda's just coming for the days now." 

Rachel shook her head. 

"No, I don't think it's gonna be necessary anymore. Thanks" 

Rachel grabbed a fruit. 

"What time are we leaving?" Mike was excited about the sight seeing. 

"Well, I was waiting for your mother so we could set that up. What do you wanna do today?" 

"Don't you have to go to the museum?" 

"Not today. I have Mondays off" 

"Oh, okay. Mike, what do you wanna do today?" 

"Dad?" 

Ross chuckled. 

"Well, you said you wanted to go to the cable car at the Sugar Loaf, right?" 

"Yeah!!" Mike shouted, excited. 

"Right, I think that's a good way of starting a Rio tour. But that really should be something we should do in the afternoon, 'cause we can see the sunset from up there" 

Rachel remembered the first time she was there with Ross and looked down. 

_The hands on each other's, the stolen kisses and tender looks... _

"So I suggest we go and do something else during the day and then we can go there. Anyone got any suggestion?" 

"As long as we don't go to any museum" Rachel couldn't help herself and chuckled. Ross looked at her and chuckled back. 

"Well, that crosses out half of _my_ list, then" 

"Can we go to a park??" Mike interrupted their little moment. 

Rachel looked at him and smiled. Going to the park was something they used to do so much back in New York. She remembered their Central Park zoo family thing. She looked at Ross and could see he was thinking the same. It could still be it, couldn't it? 

"I think that's a great idea, Mike" Rachel commented. "Ella?" she looked at her daughter and noticed she was eating one of those fruits she couldn't recognise. Her mouth was full and the little girl couldn't speak. Rachel chuckled "So you like that?" 

Ella just nodded and Ross smiled adoringly.

* * *

The walk around the Botanical Garden was simply lovely. There were times Mike and Ella would make each other company and Ross and Rachel could talk. She told him about her new job, now at Louis Vuitton and how she'd moved in to Long Island to be closer to her family again. Aparently, Jill had recently had a baby out of a wedlock, much to their father's dislike, and Amy was getting married to a guy Rachel had to admit she loved. 

"I guess she never expected she'd fall in love with a guy who organises Star Trek conventions on his spare time" 

"I bet she overlooks _our_ relationship now, huh?" 

Rachel laughed. 

"Actually, she says Star Trek comes way above Jurassic Park, when people say that" 

Things were getting so much easier and lighter and comfortable and... natural... Rachel was doing a good job putting those thoughts aside. She just wasn't sure now if that was a good idea. But the the way their interaction was flowing made her forget about it. It was in fact worth it, they always had so much fun together. 

They had lunch at a fancy and yet casual - oh, the contradictions - restaurant and then Ross took them to a bakery down town - where aparently the high society used to meet for tea, in the past. 

Everywhere Rachel looked, she could spot tourist. Sometimes she was under the impression that there were more tourists than brazilians in Rio de Janeiro. Of course that was given to the fact she was only around the tourists spots. But, still... 

Later that afternoon, they went to Sugar Loaf. When they entered the cable car, Ella looked outside through the glass walls and hugged Rachel's leg, scared. 

"Oh, sweetie, calm down. It's safe" 

But Ella didn't care, she just hugged Rachel's leg tighter. 

"I wanna go down, mommy!" 

"Sweetie, it's just for a little while" 

"No, mommy!" 

"Ella, do you want daddy to pick you up?" 

Rachel looked at Ross and looked down. Bad idea. When Ella put her foot down, she was pouty, unbendy and very harsh. She would turn him down and he'd get so upset over this... But to her surprise, Ella put her arms up, towards Ross, and he picked her up. 

She stood there with her mouth open, unable to speak. Almost unable to breathe. 

Such a small gesture could touch her so much. 

She actually came to believe that if she took Ross from Ella, she wouldn't get to love him as a father and wouldn't suffer so much. But now she thought maybe she just left this gap, this void in her little girl which she saved for her daddy. And he was willing to fill it, Rachel never questioned that. And that realisation just made her feel even more guity about the whole scenario. 

With the slightest movement of the car, Rachel saw Ella hug Ross tighter. He held her tenderly and planted a kiss on the top of her hair. Mike quickly hugged her legs and she looked down at him. Praying tears wouldn't fill her eyes, Rachel stroked her little boy's hair. 

There was only one thing missing to make them the perfect little family she'd always pictured. 

If only things could be easier.   
Up on the highest hill, Ross and Rachel stopped to take a lot of pictures. After Mike was tired of smiling for them, he ran to the opposite direction and Ross followed. 

"Wow, dad, look at that!!" 

Mike rushed to the edge and held on to the fence, staring at the amazing view. Ross stood by him and sighed. This was the beautiful city that... ruined his marriege? Broke up his family? 

He still couldn't tell what had happened. He'd thought about asking her one of those days, he was sick of all those questions, but... he feared it would just make things worse. They were finally getting along, becoming friends. Friends... was that all they could come to be again? 

He looked back and found her kneeling down next to Ella. There was another woman with a little girl around Ella's age near them and they were chatting, as if introducing the girls to each other. 

But he just focused on Rachel. She was smiling down at the kids and stroking Ella's back. He loved how much she loved their daughter. She was so caring and responsable and... so much else he could spend hours listing. And she was _so_ beautiful. No other woman could ever compare to her. No other woman could ever make him feel the way he felt about her. He looked down, knowing even though he still loved her very much, they'd probably never be together again. Too much had happened, too much pain had been felt. 

Still, he knew that if she gave him the chance, he'd jump for it again. 

But after everything she'd told him, he wouldn't let himself get hopeful. 

_Ross was standing helplessly in the middle of the room while Rachel packed a suitcase. He held a hand up to his forehead and sighed, his eyes already swollen and red, much like Rachel's. She couldn't be leaving him. This couldn't be happening. He wouldn't let it happen. _

"Rachel, please, let's talk this through" 

Rachel disserted, brushing more tears away, not stopping on her way back to the wardrobe. 

"I'm sick of talking, Ross, it's not gonna change anything" 

"Yes, it will. If, for once, you told me what's going on, we could work on this." Rachel looked as if she didn't even hear him. "Okay, Rachel, fine" he sighed. "Then I'll go back with you" 

She finally stopped and looked up at him. 

"No" 

He approached her. 

"Yes, I will" he said, firmly. "I am not letting you go, Rachel" 

He took her hands, but she made him let go of them. As if that meant something. 

He should've held them tighter. 

She looked straight into his eyes in a way that almost made him shiver. 

"I don't want you to come, Ross" 

Ross looked down, defeated. 

"Don't do this to me, Rachel, please" 

"This is not about you, Ross. God, how can you be so self involved? Can't you see that I'm dying here, Ross?? This place is killing me!" 

"Why didn't you tell me?? We could've gone back sooner, Rachel!" 

"Stop saying 'we'!" 

Ross grabbed her. 

"I told you before and I'm standing for it, I won't let you go. If you go, I'll go with you" 

He kissed her, but she broke it off quickly. Their last kiss. 

"I don't want you anymore. I don't love you anymore, Ross. Now let me go" 

Her voice was harsh and steady. He let her go and looked down. 

He brushed his tears one more time, looking so lost. 

With one last sigh, he left the room. 

Ross finally dropped his sight from her. If she indeed felt that way, there was nothing he could do. He'd just have to try harder to get over their past to built a better future. So he looked back at Mike and started pointing out the places they were bound to visit the following days, oblivious to Rachel's eyes following him this time. She was blushing, having sensed Ross' eyes on her this whole time. How could he still make her heart skip a beat like that?

* * *

Well, another confusing chapter if you ask me. It's supposed to make better sense at the end. So yeah, I'm going somewhere. Sorry about all this chapter confusion, but ffnet is... confusing, sometimes! :) Ah, anyway...! Reviews, please?? :) 


	9. Chapter 9

**The one to give**  
by Tina

* * *

Okay, so I guess _'confusing_' is not the right word to express what I think these last few chapters have been. They just got me thinking I'm not saying everything I want to say, or _how_ I want to say them. I wanna leave loose ends to tie it all up in the end. But... haha, that's fine, I'll go on as it is :) As I said, I'm having trouble concentrating, so I'm not writing the right words and sometimes it just feels like it's falling apart! I can be so "methodic" (is this a word?) when I'm writing..!

* * *

Through the thick walls, Rachel could still hear the muffed sound of Ross' alarm clock. She opened her eyes and looked at her watch, it was 5:30. She remember about his morning jogs and for a moment, considered joining him. "Nah, I didn't bring the right clothes", she told herself as if that was the only reason she decided not to. 

Over the last couple of months of their marriege, the simple sound of the alarm clock could bring the worst of Rachel's nerves. The still, constant and ear piercing sound would pull her away from her dreams abruptly. She never managed to fall back asleep. 

It was a terrible way to start another endless day. 

This time, however, Rachel wasn't bothered. The sound quickly stopped and she followed Ross' steps in her mind. 

He always stretched and lied down for a couple of minutes before sitting up. 

He'd kiss her cheek and whisper _'good morning'_. 

"Guess he won't be doing that today." She rolled on her bed. 

Then he'd go into the bathroom and wash his face and brush his teeth. 

Change into his jogging clothes and kiss her one more time before leaving. 

Rachel didn't get the chance to join him much back when she lived there. First, the pregnancy made her lazy enough to allow herself to sleep all through the mornings and just walk around the beach in the afternoons. Then, there was Ella who kept her up all night and drained her of all the energy she needed to get _anything_ done. 

After hearing Ross carefully close the door, Rachel closed her eyes and fell asleep again.   
A few hours later, Rachel woke up feeling something different pressed up against her. When she opened her eyes, she saw Ella sitting in bed with her, her back glued on Rachel, holding one of her new teddy bears and flipping through pages of a children's book. Not that it mattered to Ella - she couldn't read, anyway - but Rachel noticed it was in Portuguese. 

"Hey, good morning" Rachel greeted Ella softly. 

The little girl turned around and smiled at her mother. 

"G'morning, mommy" 

Rachel kissed her hair and Ella continued to flip the pages. They were filled with beautiful and colorful drawings of animals. 

"Have you been up for long?" Ella simply nodded, not looking up at her mother. "Have you had breakfast?" she nodded again. 

Rachel didn't know whether she should be annoyed or pleased. Ella never did anything without her, before. 

"Did your father wake you up?" 

"No" 

"But did you have breakfast with him?" 

"Yeah. Mike and me" 

Rachel looked at her watch one more time, it was 9:15. 

"Is he still home?" 

"No" 

So Rachel laid awake for another 10 minutes or so before getting up. She had phoned Flávia the previous day and she was supposed to drop by at 11 and take Rachel shopping. Luckily, Flávia also had kids and they'd leave them and Rachel's with babysitters at Ross'. And since Flávia was married to a british guy, her children were bilingual, which made things much easier. 

After taking a shower, changing and having breakfast, Rachel just sat on a couch in Mike's bedroom - which was decorated with a nature theme - and watched both her children playing. She couldn't help but chuckle when Ella kept trying to convince her brother that his Actionman was supposed to fall in love with her Barbie. 

"Ella, no! Actionmen don't fall in love, they just fight, that's all!" 

"But Barbie needs a boyfriend" 

"I don't care!" 

Ella looked up at him with her big round chocolate brown puppie eyes and he sighed. 

"Okay, fine. But only if this one" he held up another toy "falls in love with her too! And then can fight over her!" 

Ella smiled. 

"Okay!!" 

And in the middle of the toy fight, Mike lost control of his toys and instead of coliding them together, he pushed one hardly into his finger. Imediately, he dropped them on the floor and held his finger. 

"Ouch!!" 

Rachel stood up, approached and knelt down next to Mike. 

"What happened?" 

"Nothing, I just hit this thing on my finger" 

When he uncovered it, they could see blood coming from between his nail and flesh. 

"Fighting is bad" Ella said quietly, dropping her Barbie on the floor. Rachel smiled and stood up. 

"Come on, Mike, it's nothing bad, but we should put some medicine there and a band aid, just in case" 

"Okay" 

Rachel thought twice between entering Ross' room. She could easily have asked Vanda to go inside and get it for her, but a part of her _wanted_ to go inside. To try and invade more of his privacy. The house was still the same as she'd left, but would "their" bedroom be too? 

Finally turning the doorknob, she had her answer. She entered and was closely followed by Mike and Ella. 

The bed was the central element of the room. It was a wide and high bed with white blankets and countless pillows. The wall which the head of the bed was pushed against was pale purple, _their_ pale purple. But above the bed she saw new things. Six black and white pictures hung above it. Two of each of his children: Ben, Mike and Ella. One of them as babies, and one rather recent one. They looked very professional, yet, at the same time, very casual. 

Ella, for once, was smiling in hers. 

One nighstand rested on each side of the bed. On each of them, a big picture frame rested. In one, Rachel noticed a picture of the gang, herself included, taken on Monica and Chandler's wedding. On the other, Ross, Rachel, younger Mike and baby Ella posed as a perfect family next to Jack and Judy, his parents. 

It seemed like Rachel was not the only one who noticed the pictures. Mike rushed over to both nightstands and smiled. 

"Look, Ella, it's Uncle Chandler and Aunt Monica! And that guy from t.v. dad keeps telling us about! And Aunt Phoebe!" 

Mike was poiting and smiling. 

"Mike, be careful, honey" 

Rachel always became slightly annoyed when the gang was brought up. 

Mike looked at her and frowned. 

"C'mon, let's just go fix you up, now!" 

She tried lightening things up with a cheary tone of voice, but Mike's look didn't get any better. 

They entered the bathroom and Rachel started opening drawers, the ones she knew that for sure didn't contain what she was looking for. The kids weren't paying atention though. Ella was looking into the big bathtub with an amazed expression, while Mike was trying to figure out how Ross' eletric toothbrush worked. 

As she opened one of them, Rachel froze. A pack of half used condoms laid there. She imediately shut it closed and bent to open the right drawer. She picked up everything she needed and left, ordering her children to follow her imediately.

* * *

They hadn't been at the mall for over an hour and Rachel was already exiting the 3rd store with her 5th bag. 

"Want me to carry one for you?" Flávia offered, carrying just a small one herself. 

Rachel smiled weakly. 

"So far we're good, but I'm afraid very soon we can go back to that question" 

Flávia smiled back. 

"Alright, what else do you wanna see?" 

"What was that store where we used to buy jeans all the time? I mean, you would. I would get all upset because I was too fat to get them myself" 

Flávia chuckled. 

"You were pregnant, Rach. And after a while I remember you bought some yourself" 

"Yeah, okay...! Those were very good, we should drop by" 

"But you've already bought four jeans today!" 

"And your point is...?" 

Flávia shot her a sarcastic look and sighed. 

"Can't win you, can I?" 

"Nope!" Rachel chuckled. Things were getting easy again... "Besides, you know, I work with fashion. I always take these back to work and show them around" 

"Ah, stealing our brazilian jist, eh?" 

Rachel chuckled. 

"A tad!" 

"Right, that's fine" Flávia smiled as they entered a store "Here it is" 

Rachel started looking through jeans and sorting out the ones she'd try on. 

"You know what I also need to get? Bathing suits" 

"I sort of figured that! Everybody who comes here takes back a lot of bikinis and stuff, you guys have some weird pieces up there, don't you?" 

Rachel chuckled. 

"I'm not sure I'll go for a bikini now though. After giving birth to Ella I swear my body never went back to its usual shape" 

Flávia paused what she was doing and shot Rachel a look. 

"Okay, I know I didn't know you before and all, but... With all respect, Rachel, shut up" Rachel smiled. "You've got a wonderful body, you're very fit and I'm making you buy the tiniest bikini in store!" 

"Which I'll wear in front of my children and ex-husband. Yes, very apropriate!" 

Flávia smiled at her and approached. All the time Rachel lived there, she'd talk to Flávia about her problems with Ross. Probably, however, not as openly as she now wished she had. 

But up untill then, neither of them had been brought it up. 

"Hey, so how are things going with you two?" 

Rachel sighed. 

"Considering how they were when I left, pretty good" 

Flávia smiled in a friendly way. 

"You know if you need someone to talk to, I'm here, right?" 

Rachel looked at her and smiled back. 

"I know. Thanks. But, really, I guess things are going okay..." she trailed off and remembered what happened earlier that day and how weird it made her feel. "Hm, have you uh... Have you seen much of him since I left?" 

"Not much, no. He usually met up with Hugh down at the beach when they went jogging together, but now Hugh's just doing that at night. Why?" 

"No, nothing." Rachel replied rather quickly. 

Flávia decided to let it go. 

"Aw, anyway... Ella and Mike have grown up so much, huh?" 

Rachel proudly smiled.

* * *

Rachel and Flávia came back to Ross' apartment at around two in the afternoon, when Ross had said he'd be back from the museum. When they arrived, though, it seemed like Ross had been there for quite a long time. He was sitting on the floor while Ella and two other girls played with his hair. They had made numerous mini piggy tails with his short hair using very colorful acessories, while Mike and another boy were playing video games. 

The sight before her made Rachel instantly burst into laughter. Ross looked up and smiled. 

"Is this amusing to you?" 

"Very much" 

Ella just smiled at her mom and continued to play with her father's hair. Rachel smiled sweetly. 

"Hi, Flávia" 

"Hi, Ross, how are you doing?" 

"Fine, as you can see" Flávia chuckled. "My God, your kids sure have grown up a lot since last time I've seen them" 

"Oh, I could say the same to you" 

Ross turned and looked at Ella and smiled adoringly. 

"Yeah, they have" 

Rachel sat down on the couch and Flávia followed. Rachel put all of her shopping bags on the coffee table and sighed, tired. 

"Wow, what do you got there? Where did you take her, Flávia, to every shopping mall in town?" 

"Nope, just one. So prepare, we still got a lot others ahead" 

Mike joined them. 

"Are we going out? What are we doing today? I'm sick of staying in!" 

Ross noticed something on his finger. 

"What's that on your finger, son?" 

"I got hurt and mom put this on" 

It was one of the band-aids he kept for his children. There were the Ella ones, with pictures from Disney cartoons. And the ones for Mike, with assorted animals. The one he was using now, however, had the Candlestick from "The Beauty and the Beast" on it and Mike did not happy about it. Ross chuckled. 

"Do you wanna change that one? I got ones with dinosaurs or lions or elephants...!" 

Mike smiled. 

"Yeah!" 

Ross chuckled again and looked at Rachel, who avoided his eyes. He knew she had gone into his bathroom, but could not see what the big deal was. Whatever the case, he stood up. 

"Okay, we can go uh... I don't know. Flávia, got any ideas? You and the kids should join us" 

One of the little girls, who was about 5, put an arm around Ella in a protective way and smiled. 

"Yeah, mum!" 

"Okay, that's an idea.." 

"So I'll leave you two decide what we should do. I'll be right back" 

He and Mike left the room. 

Flávia looked at Rachel and could tell there was so much behind that look of hers. But she knew Rachel was stubborn. Both Rachel and Ross, in fact. 

"You know what I think you should do?" 

Rachel looked at her. 

"What?" 

"You're gonna be here for like two weeks, right?" Rachel nodded. "Well, I think you should get away for like a couple of days, go to like, I don't know Petrópolis or Búzios. You've got time for that, you won't have much else to do here in the city" 

Rachel paused and thought to herself. She'd been to both places with Ross before. Petrópolis was a cute little city up in the mountains, cozy and romantic. Búzios was a beach, fancy and fun, which could, however, still become equally romantic. 

It wouldn't be so bad now, would it? 

"It's an idea"

* * *

It's a bit longer than most of the chapters :) Keep those comments coming now, will you, please?? :D I apreciate them so very much!! Thanks for reading and... I promise things are gonna start getting more interesting!! :D 


	10. Chapter 10

**The one to give**  
by Tina

* * *

If there was a rating somewhere between PG-13 and R, I'd use it. Since there isn't... I'll keep it PG-13. At least for now! Nothing strong, really. Or distasteful, I hope. Just want to say that if you're one who gets uncomfortable talking about sexuality, then maybe you shouldn't read this. I just believe sex is a very important (and very _normal_) part of relationships, so how could I write a story about a couple without bringing it up? In a deeper level, I mean. Anyway, just beware! :)

* * *

Rachel watched her children playing in the pool from a tanning chair. Ella was now feeling confident enough to be there by herself, sitting on a float that had two little holes through which she put her legs inside the water. Despite the safety of it, Ella still couldn't stop waving her tiny little legs madly under water, as if she would sink if she stopped. Mike was holding a water gun and splashing his sister, who didn't seem to mind. At most, she'd stick her tongue at him and giggle. 

Their mother's mind, however, was far from there. Rachel couldn't stop thinking about the half pack of condoms in Ross' drawer. 

Did he have a girlfriend? 

'Rachel, don't be naive... You don't need to be in a relationship to sleep with someone!' 

She couldn't tell which was worse: knowing Ross was seeing someone or that he was just sleeping around with random girls. 

In _their_ bed! In the bed they had made love to each other so many times. Where they had shared _meaningful_ moments. 

She knew she didn't exactly have the _right_ to feel that way, but she couldn't help it. Ever since everything their separation, she hadn't been with anyone else. Not only she was simply not in the right place for it, but she also had the kids, who she refused to leave aside so she could go and find someone. She didn't want just anyone, after all. 

'Maybe the condoms have been there this whole time, since I left!' 

But before she could let herself be excited with the new possibility, she thought twice. 

'Don't be _even more_ naive, Rachel!' It'd been too long ago, she knew it couldn't be. 

Some people let themselves get fooled by Ross' shy ways. But Rachel was well aware of how it could be a turn on to many women out there. Many sexually agressive women out there, in special. And things had only got "worse" in Brazil. More than the sensitive, shy, sexy, brown eyed puppie, he was now the foreign guy, driving a black fancy car, living in a penthouse at Barra da Tijuca and freshly divorced. 

And he was no disapoitment in bed, Rachel well remembered that. The more she thought about it, the worst she felt. Not just for the present, but for their past. For the many nights she'd turned him down before she left him. She couldn't blame him for wanting to sleep with someone else after all she'd put him through. 

She shook her head. What'd happened? 

They'd always had this heat for each other which never seemed to die away. But Rachel's new feelings were making it hard for them to light up that fire. She drove him away both psychological and physically. 

And now it was like she couldn't be atracted to anyone, anymore. It scared her sometimes to think of what she'd become. She couldn't love anyone besides her children. And she couldn't desire a man the way she did before. She would wear revealing clothes, but, still, at the same time, turn her back to her sexuality. 

She looked down and the sight of her body covered by the minimal straps of the bikini Flávia had made her buy was random. She was indifferent to her flat stomach, tonned legs and full breasts. 

And yet... the thought of Ross having sex with another woman - kissing her, touching her, taking her - was torture. 

She had to admit... 

"Mike, enough!!" 

Rachel snapped out of her thoughts, startled by Ella's firm words. She'd never seen her daughter speak like that before. The little girl was shooting Mike a look and was soaked, even though her upper body was off the water. 

"What's going on there?" 

Ella just turned around and started waving her legs to take her another way. 

"Nothing" Mike answered, lowering his water gun. 

Rachel sighed. Mike and Ella rarely fought. And on the few ocasions they did, they never seemed to need her help. 

They were so not like their parents, she thought. 

"Kids?" came Ross' voice from inside. 

"Out here, dad!" Mike cried out. 

Ross stepped outside and Rachel was confused. Mike took out his gun again and poited at Ross. 

"You've just stepped into my land, outsider!" 

Ross chuckled and raised his arms. 

"And what are you gonna do about it, Mr?" 

Mike looked at his mom as if asking whether he could splash his father. Ross' look also shifted over to Rachel and his jaws dropped. 

The past few days Rachel had been wandering around with this weird looking bathing suit that covered all of Rachel's interesting curves. Clearily, the exact opposite of what she was wearing now. She noticed the look on his face and blushed. She felt soft butterflies flying down her stomach and looked at her body. 

It looked somewhat... different, this time. 

She brushed some of her golden locks of wavy hair away from her face and looked back at Mike. 

With a devilish smile, she nodded. 

Mike smiled brightly and splashed Ross, who never seemed to notice what hit him. 

Oh the 2nd load of water, he looked back at Mike and down at his wet suit. 

"Hm, I'm gonna have to change now" he said in a gooffy soft voice. 

"I thought you were just coming back later" 

"Oh, right" Ross snapped out of it. "I thought maybe we could have lunch together and then I'd take you guys to the museum. I'll sort some things out while you look around and after that we could go and do something" 

"Sounds like a plan. What time do you wanna leave?" 

"I suppose I could join you guys for about a half hour. Then we should be leaving at around 11, is that okay?" 

"Fine"

* * *

They were half way through lunch when Rachel wondered whether she should bring up Flávia's trip suggestion. On the previous afternoon, they'd briefly talked about it and Ross had seemed interested by the idea. But since they had not discussed it ever since, Rachel feared missing the oportunity. So, after she finished cutting Ella's second piece of meat, she turned to Ross. 

"Hm, hey, so what did you think about Flávia's suggestion about those couple of days away?" 

"I wanna go!" Mike didn't mind his mouth was full. 

Ross smiled at his son and at Rachel. 

"I think it's a good idea. I was just this morning seeing if I could arrange those two days off of work, in fact. I'll just have to check and see if I can get this guy to cover up for me in this meeting and he just comes in the afternoon, that's why we're going there now, actually. But I think it's a certain thing" 

"Oh, good" 

"Where do you guys want to go, huh?" 

"What are the options?" Mike asked with an interested look. 

"Well... we could go to a beach or we could go to somewhere in the mountains, or camping in national parks...!" 

Mike looked thoughtful. 

"Well, we got the beach here" 

"True" Ross smiled. 

"And we went camping last summer" 

"Mountains it is, then?" 

Rachel's heart beated faster at that. But Mike looked reluctant. 

"I don't know...! What's to do there?" 

"Well, we could go and try to find waterfalls and tracks and things like that" 

Mike smiled. 

"Okay then!" 

Rachel smiled too and looked at Ross. 

"When do you wanna leave?" 

"How's friday afternoon? We can come back on sunday" 

"Friday's good"

* * *

Mike was staring up at a dinosaur replica that was easily five times his size. People were passing by and smiling at the boy. Watching from a good distance, Rachel smiled too. Mike's eyes were big and curious, they barely moved. If Rachel didn't know better, she'd say he was following the instructions he'd learned watching 'Jurassic Park'. He was standing in front of a real dinosaur and was trying not to move. This way, the dinosaur would not notice his presence. 

Rachel shook her head and looked around. Ella was right next to her, hand glued on hers. She was sucking on a lollipop Ross' assistant had given her and had been pretty quiet ever since they'd arrived. She looked intimidated. She always did when she was in an unfamiliar place for the first time. 

They'd spent way too much time in that room, so Rachel rushed things over to be able to meet Ross at the time they'd agreed on. 

"C'mon, Mike, let's go. If you want to see more of it, you can come back with your father some other time" 

"Do you think he'll bring me?" 

Rachel smiled. 

"I'm sure of it" 

Mike smiled and followed his mother. 

They entered the rest of the rooms quickly. Mike kept complaining he didn't get the chance to play on the interactive games and information screens, but Rachel did not give in. She didn't like that place very much...! 

Soon they entered the last room, where they were supposed to meet Ross. But he wasn't there yet. Mike ran towards a game screen and Ella slowly let go of Rachel's hand to join him. She watched her kids and smiled, they were laughing and pointing at the screen. She sighed and looked around. 

One particular display caught her atention. 

Right... 

The homo-habilis, how could she forget? 

She approached the glass and looked inside. It looked very much like the one she'd woken up with Ross they first time they spent the night together. 

"Has it really been... wow, twelve years? Was that right?" 

Sometimes, it seemed like it was yesterday. Sometimes it all just came so vividly in her mind. His speech about how they were lobsters. The prom tape and the kiss. _That_ kiss... Their first time... 

A chill ran up her spine and she sighed out loud, involuntarily. 

When she turned around, she found Ross looking at her. From the look on his face, she knew he could tell what she was thinking about. 

"Uh, the hot girl's giving you the eyes, my man. I say go for it! If your ex-wife show up, I'll stall her. What does she look like?" 

Ross shot Keith, his co-worker, a look. 

"That _is_ my ex-wife" 

"Oh!" Keith shook his head. "Sorry!" Ross looked back at Rachel, who was now approaching their kids. "Maybe _I_ should go and talk to her, then" 

Ross shot him a look, filled with jealousy. 

"Okay, that's enough out of you! I'll see you tomorrow" 

"Geez, I'm just saying if-" 

Ross turned around and shot him another look. 

"Okay, tomorrow it is!" 

Ross sighed on his way to join the others. He was not supposed to stand there and listen to how beautiful his ex-wife was, right? He had eyes, he could see it for himself... Unfortunately.

* * *

Wow, I thought I was losing you guys, but the last round of reviews make me rethink that! :) Good to know you guys can see that I'm not stalling! I just don't really write fics that go _"Oh, I'm sorry, I was wrong! Wanna make up and be happy ever after? / Yeah, okay!! / Oh, and will you marry me? / Yes, yes, yes! I love you / I love you too"_ haha! Sure, that's nice to read once in a while! But it's not my thing, nuh-uh! 

Sooooo...! This means I'll take my time to delevop this just the way I want to! I won't do it like I did it on my last fic. I rushed things there, really! And when it was over I got reviews saying it should've been longer. Yes, it should have. But if I added more chapters, because of the way I built up the story I would indeed be stalling! And I don't like writing useless things...! So believe me, everything I write is important. Well, to me, anyway :D 

**This doesn't mean that we won't get sone interesting R&R action though!!** So stay tunned ;) And leave me a review, please, so I can see how you're taking this and how to make this even better for you guys :) Thank you for reading!! 


	11. Chapter 11

**The one to give**  
by Tina

* * *

To make up for the days he wouldn't atend to work - he worked saturdays and on friday would only drop by the museum due to their trip - Ross had scheduled all his meetings to that thursday. Since he wouldn't be home anytime soon, Rachel made plans with Flávia. It was a nice and quiet day. They went shopping, for a change, with the kids and Rachel even tried polishing up the little Portuguese she knew. Flávia smiled, it was something she seemed reluctant to do before. 

Flávia also filled her with tips on what to do in Petrópolis and what places to visit, restaurants to dine. Rachel wasn't surprised to notice they all seemed to be programs for two. Preferably, for two people involved in a loving relationship. 

But Rachel didn't point that out. She just repeated those names out loud and tried to remember them. 

Not that she'd actually _need_ them, but... 

As soon as they got home, Rachel started packing. She seemed to disconsider the fact that it was winter. It was rather hot by the beach, yes, but it was bound to be chilly up in the mountains, where they were heading to. Thankfully, for usual precaution, she packed a couple of long sleeves among her tops and low cut jeans. 

Ross came home at night with dinner and a couple of movies for the kids. Rachel smiled at Ross when she saw the title of one of them: _Weekend at Bernie's._ It was just the perfect ending for that day. Just as nice and cozy as it had all been. 

The next morning, while Ross was at the museum, Rachel left the kids watching the second movie so she could pack their bags. At noon, Ross came home and they had lunch. At one o'clock sharp, they were in Ross' black Toyota HiLux, which Rachel didn't even know he had, heading to Petrópolis. For the way they were prepared, it looked as if they were heading for a days-long road trip, even though it was only a one hour drive. Thankfully, since Ella kept asking from her new car chair _"are we there yet?"_ every ten minutes. 

Ross put on a CD with brazilian music. Rachel didn't understand everything, but she could make out some of the words here and there. It was soothing and relaxing. 

_"Se eu pudesse roubar as gotas de luar que vi brilhar nos olhos teus, guardava aquele encanto para enfeitar meu pranto na hora do adeus..."_

She looked out the window and was pleased to see the city shrinking. Rio was full of trees, surrounded by many hills and invaded by the sea. But the beach was now far behind. They were going up the hills a the number of trees was only increasing. Though the air conditioner was on, she could also feel the air difference. It was just seemed so different when she was not _there_. 

_"Sei que muito breve, tu irás me esquecer. Eu sei que eu vou sofrer, por culpa da minha paixão. Eu devia te deixar, mas vou continuar pra castigar meu pobre coração..."_

Ross was sinking into the song, thinking _'how appropriate'_.

* * *

"I spy with my little eye something starting with a... P!" Mike was still insisting on playing as they hopped off the car. 

"A dog!!" Ella answered. 

Mike shot her an annoyed look. 

"That's a D, Ella" 

"A cat!!" 

"Still not a P!" 

"A lion!!" she was persistent. 

"Mom!!" Mike's voice was exasperated. 

Ross smiled as he unbuckled Ella from her chair. 

"Words that start with P go 'p'" Ross tried to produce a sort of "deaf" sound of the letter P. 

"A piano?" 

"Yes!" Ross said. 

Ella smiled. 

"I won!!" 

"No, that's not the word!" 

"Daddy said so!" 

Ross felt all fuzzy inside hearing her call him _'daddy'_. Mike, on the other hand, didn't look too pleased himself. 

"No, he said you got the letter right!" 

"You lost!" Ella giggled. 

Mike shot her a look and she ran to her mother's arms, still giggling uncontrolably. Rachel simply smiled and they entered the reception. 

It was a nice and small inn. Nevertheless, still very fancy, for Rachel's standards. And that said a lot. The reception was like a livingroom, only there was a traditional reception table in one corner. The whole floor and ceiling were covered in bright hard wood and the furniture, walls and curtains were imaculate white. A nice older woman was at the desk. Ross aproached and Rachel stood near with the kids. 

She heard him speak. 

No. Her Portuguese must be really bad. Had she heard him ask for the Ross Geller booking, a bed with two singles and one with a master bed? She was almost positive she'd heard him say a room for a couple. _Casal_, that's how you say it! That's how he said it! That's how they'd say to get a room whenever they were in a hotel. 

She panicked. 

Quickly, he came back to answer her silent questions. 

He handed her a key. 

"Here, it's for you and Ella. In such short notice I could only book you guys a master bedroom, I hope that's okay." 

Disapoitment? 

Rachel smiled weakly. 

"No, that's fine. She sleeps with me basicly everyday back home, anyway" 

The afternoon was simply lovely. They wandered around the city and briefly entered a few museums and old historical builtings. Ross was worried not to bore them, so he'd decided he'd come back some other time by himself to see things better. When they were gone... The thought of them leaving him again squeezed his heart. 

At sunset, they were already in a nice restaurant, dining. 

Walking their way back to the inn, Ella and Mike were protected by the coats Rachel always packed for them. She, on the other hand, had her arms crossed and Ross noticed she was shuderring softly. He took of his coat and, without asking, covered her shoulders with it. She quickly looked up at him, surprised. 

"You looked like you could use it" 

She smiled and tugged on it. 

"Thanks" 

She looked down and kept walking. She couldn't help but leaning in closer to the fabric to feel the scent. 

The kids were tired from the full week they'd had and, sure enough, as soon as they got arrived Rachel's room, both threw themselves onto the large bed. Ross stood by the door, uncertain. 

"No, no, no. C'mon up, both of you. I wanna see you both hopping into the shower now, go" 

Ross just rested the side of his head on the wall and smiled. 

"But mom...! I took a shower last night" 

Rachel shot Mike a look. 

"Oh, right, _that_ changes everything" 

Mike noticed the sarcasm in his mother's voice and still laughed out loud. Knowing he couldn't possibly try and reason with her about it, he got up and walked into the bathroom. 

"Fine!" 

"Where's your suitcase?" 

"In my room" 

Rachel turned around and Ross stood straight. 

"I'll pick it up" 

"Thanks" 

After the kids were bathed and in their pijamas, Rachel excused herself to shower, aswell. Ross watched the kids, uncertainly sitting down on Rachel's bed. Mike turned on the t.v. in atempt to keep himself awake. However, his eyeslids were too heavy. Before Rachel could come back, both kids were already sound asleep. 

"Oh, good, they're down for the night" Rachel said, exiting the bathroom in her pijamas. 

Ross couldn't understand how she could still look so sexy in silk pants and long sleeves. He quickly got up as she approached to tuck Ella and Mike under the covers. It seemed like she was going to have to squeeze herself in between them for the night. 

"So you're going to bed, already?" 

She looked up at him and weakly smiled. 

"Don't really have a choice now, do I?" 

Hmm, he could keep her company. That'd be nice. They could stay in and just talk while they watched their children sleeping... 

"We could go to the bar downstairs, hm, maybe. Have some wine, talk" 

Uh-ow, too far. 

Way-way too far. 

Rachel panicked and almost gagged through her words, responding imediately. 

"But the kids!" 

And he regret saying it. What was he thinking? 

_'She left you! Get that? Left you!'_

"Yeah, you're right." he answered just as quickly "I'll leave you guys now, then. Should we leave Mike here?" 

"For tonight, I guess that'd be a good idea. He gets cranky when we wake him up" 

"Right" Ross sighed. "Call me if you need anything. Here" he wrote his cellphone number on a pad next to the phone, in the nightstand. "I'll just go down for a glass of wine to help and relax before I go to bed" 

"Okay" 

And with no more words, he left. 

Rachel sighed. 

She'd done the right thing, right? 

_'Rachel, a glass of wine doesn't mean anything! You'd be doing just what you'd be doing in here! Only outside!' _

But she knew it was different. 

_'And I could use a glass of wine right now...' _

She looked down at Ella and Mike, sleeping like angels. They never woke up through the night. Never. Even if they did, they always went back to sleep right away. They were good kids... Oh, such good kids. Rachel lowered herself and kissed their heads. 

After one more brief thought, Rachel stood up and wrote Mike a note on top of Ross' phone number. 

_"Mike, I'm downstairs with your father. If you need anything, call us. Love, Mom" _

She smiled and stood up. She got dressed as quickly as she could, slipping into one of her new jeans and one of the few long sleeves she'd brough. It was black with a deep cut on front. Rachel looked at herself intently through the mirror and then left.

* * *

Another usual note to the amazing reviewers: hi! :D I can't say this enough: thank you for the reviews! You guys wouldn't imagine how happy and giddy they make me :) I'm growing into this fic again because of them!! Well, because of you :P Anyway... even though I already have the whole fic planned in my head by now (though I'm still not sure about the very end), I'm not gonna say _anything_ ;) You're just gonna have to read! lmao! And keep on trying to guess what's gonna happen! It's fun to see where you guys think this is heading ;)  
And, oh, believe me... I update this fanfic the _minute_ I get a chapter finished. And then I keep refreshing my mailbox to see if I got reviews! Hah, I'm such a nerd...! haha, proudly!! 

**Credit:** That song I added is called "Gotas de luar" (hm, "Drops of Moon", or something!), written by Nelson Cavaquinho and Guilherme de Brito, performed by Marisa Monte :) If you like knowing songs from other countries... well, I like this one :) Marisa is probably my favorite singer in the whole world and this song is very soothing. Just her voice and guitar :) Cute! Download it if you wish ;) About the lyrics... hmmmm. I might add it later again, with a possible translation ;) 


	12. Chapter 12

**The one to give**  
by Tina

* * *

Quick note before I start: Rachel's 38 years old and when I say low-cut jeans and tops and all, I don't mean anything vulgar or innapropriate for her age. I really just imagine the sort of thing both Rachel and Jennifer Aniston wear :)

* * *

Rachel tripped slightly on her way back into her room and giggled as silently as she could. She knew it wasn't just the few glasses of wine she'd had that were making her so lightheaded. However, maybe that realisation and its open acceptance just came because of the alcohol. She looked at the kids, still sleeping like the sweet little angels they were and smiled even more. 

The evening with Ross had been just... there were so many adjectives she could think of to describle it. It was so natural, soft, familiar... and, most of all, reassuring. It showed her that she was wrong. Behind the posh car and beneath the new suits, the same old Ross was still there. They'd talked about the past, way back into the past. About high school, about Rachel running away on Barry and going to live with Monica. 

Their relationship, however, had not been a topic discussed. 

'Not the time for that', Rachel thought to herself. 

And it felt good to be around him, to reminisce the so many great moments they'd lived together, even not as a couple. The beauty of their relationship laid in the fact that it was not based on mere passion. There was so much more than that. 

They used to be just such good _friends_. 

She was glad they were taking that step back. Back to that caring and sweet affection they used to share. 

Maybe it could lead them to... another step back. 

A much bigger one. 

She quickly changed back to her pijamas and didn't have the strengh to do much else. She threw herself onto her bed, between her children and _dreamed herself to sleep._

Meanwhile, in the room next door, Ross was sitting on his bed and looking down at his feet. 

How was that going to help? How was that evening ever going to help him move on?? 

He wouldn't let himself believe that it'd been a good sign and he mentally kicked himself for letting her enchant him like that one more time. He knew he couldn't let his guard down, allow himself to be hopeful and go after her. It'd happened so many times towards the end of their marriege. One day she'd be angry. The next, again. Most of the days, in fact, she was a wreck. Then, one magical day, she'd wake up with a broad smile upon her face. She'd hold him and tell him how sorry she was, that she loved him. That she was just going through a hard phase, but not to worry, 'cause they were going to be okay. 

And the next moment, she was a mess one more time. 

Untill one day, finally, it was goodbye forever. 

That double behavior of hers could not fool him again. He _knew_ that. But why did he let it happen? 

He sighed. 

It was stronger than him, wasn't it? She smiled his way and he couldn't help it, anymore. 

'Well, you're going to have to start trying harder now, then' he told himself as he remembered she was leaving in a week. 

You're not gonna make it easier for her to hurt you even deeper again. He wasn't sure he could take it one more time. 

Without even bothering to change, Ross laid down on his bed and _cried himself to sleep._

* * *

Rachel was slower than usual, taking some time to get both Mike and Ella set to go down for breakfast the next morning. The headache that kept her from being quicker was, however, not frowned upon. It was simply a little gift from the night before, which she didn't regred. In fact, she couldn't wait to see him again. To look into his eyes and actually smile, thanks to a bottle of wine that healed most of her feelings. 

Not exactly the _wine_, but... 

Her smile was still fresh when they reached the restaurant and spot Ross saving them a table. Mike ran up to him and Ella also quickened up her pace, following her brother. 

"Morning, dad!" 

Mike hugged Ross. 

"Morning, son" 

They broke the hug and Rachel watched as Ross' eyes shone brightly when they spot Ella waiting for her hug. 

"G'morning, daddy!" 

Ross hugged her and kissed the top of her head. 

"Good morning, sweet heart" 

Rachel approached and for once wished he'd also hug her and kiss her like that. 

Hm, or maybe not exactly like that. 

"Good morning" she smiled at him. 

"Morning" 

She was surprised to see a plainly polite smile. She stood behind the back of a chair and looked down, for a moment. 

"Okay, kids, let's go to the buffay" 

Stading there next to the serving table while Ella and Mike discussed something about their food, Rachel looked back at Ross and frowned. He was looking down at his plate, eating quietly. What happened to that bright smile from last night? Their loose ways and welcoming eyes? No, she wouldn't let their memory fade like that. It'd meant a lot to her, she needed to know it'd meant just as much to him. 

When they were back to the table, Rachel grabbed her cup of coffee and smiled at Ross. 

"Boy, do I need this. My head's still spinning from last night" 

Mike looked up, confused. 

"What about last night?" 

"Nothing, Mike" Ross said and Rachel's heart broke. 

"Do you like that?" Ross pointed to something in Mike's place. He seemed eager to change the subject. 

Mike put it into his mouth - a round tiny bun covered with sugar and cinnamon - and nodded. 

"That's called _bolinho de chuva_. You know what that means?" Mike shook his head. "It means _little rain cake_" 

Ella giggled and Ross smiled at her. 

"Here, try this" Ross cut something from his plate and put into Mike's. 

"Do you also want some, Ella?" 

She nodded. 

"It's _tapioca_" 

Rachel simply watched, as an outsider, an intruder. Then she lowered her sight and ate. 

Clearily, it had not meant that much to him...

* * *

That saturday, they'd decided to find a waterfal and have a picnic. Because of the kids, however, it had to be somewhere close. Thankfully, actually, because both Ross and Rachel also seemed too tired to go tracking. Possibly, it wasn't that the kids were too young; _they_ were getting too old for this. 

The atmosphere remained quiet and uncomfortable between them. Rachel mainly watched as Ross bonded with their kids. It gave her time to think about how different his life must be when they were not there. No one to go home to, no one to take out, to bring videos and food to, to share his stories with. 

'No, that must be what the girlfriends are for', she thought o herself, feeling even lower. 

Still, she knew he loved those kids. Knowing she possibly couldn't take life without them, she coudn't begin to imagine how he must feel. 

She sat down on a rock and watched as Ross picked Ella up and brushed the tip of her toes over the survace of the water, near the waterfall. The toddler squealed and brought her tiny little legs closer to her body, out of the water. 

"It's cold, daddy!!" 

Rachel sighed, she'd never seen Ella this happy before. 

At night, after a brief stop at the inn so they could take showers and change, they were having dinner in one of the restaurants Flávia had recomended. The suggestion, however, had been his. But it was not what Rachel expected. The whole time he was talking to the kids, barely paying atention to the fact that she was also there. 

When they were deciding on deserts, an atractive woman aproached their table. Rachel looked at Ross and noticed his smile. 

"Clara?" 

"Ross!" 

They hugged and Rachel shifted herself on her seat, uncomfortable. She looked at her children and saw both of them looking up at this Clara woman. She was tall, beautiful. Looked younger, Rachel noticed. 27, at most! Long brown hair, brown eyes. Good sense of fashion, though Rachel thought she could use a little more fabric on her chest area. 

"Hey, how are you? It's been a while" Rachel noticed she had an accent. 

"I'm good, just good. Hm, look, these are my children, Ella and Mike" 

Clara smiled brightly. 

"Oh, they're so cute. God, she looks just like you" 

Ross stroked Ella's hair as he went on. 

"And that's my ex-wife, Rachel" 

"Hey, nice to meet you" 

The politeness in her voice disgusted Rachel. 

"Right back at ya" 

Ross was slightly annoyed with the subtle sarcasm in Rachel's words. 

"Who _are_ you?" Mike asked and Rachel could give her son a new video game for that. 

Clara exchanged looks with Ross. 

"Well, I'm Clara. I worked for your dad at the museum" 

"Oh, another paleontologist" Rachel had to control herself not to roll her eyes. For the way she'd exchanged looks with Ross, Rachel could tell that was not all there was to tell. And she hated Clara for that. 

Ross shot her a look. 

"No, actually, I work with interior designing. I designed his office and pretty much every other room in that museum" 

"Yes, Rachel, remember how you once said you liked the way that desk was placed in aligment with the window? And how the color of the walls went really well with the furniture?" 

Rachel kept watching Ross' repressive looks with fury builting up inside of her. 

Clearily, however, it was not fury. It was simply jealousy. 

She moved her sight back to Clara and sighed. 

"So, tell me, wasn't your dad like the man who sponsored everything and paid for the construction?" 

Clara looked at Rachel for a few seconds and sighed, offended. So it was not her talented that got her there, huh? 

Ross raised his hand up to face, while Rachel's stare was still fixated on Clara. 

"Yes" After a pause, she looked back at Ross. "Well, I'll see you around. Nice meeting you" Rachel gave her a fake smile. Clara turned to Ross, looking even worse "Good seeing you again, Ross" 

"You too" 

Ross and Clara kissed each one of their cheeks. Rachel watched with disgust. Clara noticed the look on her face and decided she was not going to leave that table gazing at the floor. She looked back at Ross and smiled. 

"We should get together sometime" 

"That's a good idea" 

"Here, this is my new phone number" Clara handed him a card. "Call me" 

"I will" 

"Alright, I'll see you some other time, then" 

"See you, bye" 

One more time, they kissed each other's cheeks and she left. Rachel watched with something else filling her now. A sense of loss, emptiness. 

'Yeah, he's slept with her...' 

Ross sat back down and shot Rachel a look. Respecting the children's presence, however, he didn't say a word.

* * *

O-kay! Just because I didn't want to rush things, I had to write this chapter, as much as it pains me. Ouch. Things should get more interesting next chapter though, so watch out for that! Oooops, have I said too much? lmao!! :)  
I'm in a bit of a rush right now, so I won't write much else...! But I wanna make it clear that... yes, reviews are still very much welcome! :) See ya... tomorrow, maybe? ;) 


	13. Chapter 13

**The one to give**  
by Tina

* * *

Rachel lied in bed next to Ella with her back glued to the matress, staring at the ceiling. Though she was physically exausted, she couldn't sleep. The past 24 hours kept coming back to haunt her. Funny how things could change in a day, huh? 

Actually, anything but funny... 

Ella was breathing loud and Rachel turned to look at her with concern. It didn't take long before the two-years-old started coughing in her sleep. Her mother felt her forehead with the palm of her hand and sat up. Had she remembered to pack a thermometer? 

After finding one somewhere in her bag, Rachel gently stuck it under Ella's left arm. After waiting a few minutes, Rachel looked at it and calmed down. Not too bad, it should go down. Either way, it was a good excuse to get them out of there first thing in the morning. 

She looked back up at the ceiling and sighed. Why couldn't he just... _understand_? 

They left Petrópolis right after breakfast. Ella's fever had gone up and she couldn't stop coughing. All the way back, she lazily leaned against her car seat and tried to get some sleep. Rachel kept turning around to check on her, while Mike looked out the window and Ross drove silently. 

When they got home, Rachel got Ella quickly in bed. She spent her whole day nursing and smothering her child, while Ross took a very bored Mike out to do something. It wasn't untill six o'clock they arrived, with dinner and medicine for Ella. 

"No, this is not what she takes back home!" 

Rachel let her anger from the previous night still show in her voice. Ross noticed and seemed just as impatient at her. 

He didn't want anything with Clara, anymore. But Rachel couldn't think she could mistreat people like that just because she felt like it. She couldn't hurt people just to be spiteful. If she'd left him, then she should realise he had his life now. If she didn't want to be a part of it, fine. It hurt, but he'd manage. She could not, however, demand that he'd keep himself solely devoted to her and not go after anyone else. It didn't work that way, he deserved a decent life. 

So he'd played along with Clara. It didn't mean he liked her, but he equally wanted to hurt Rachel. 

He did not, however, want to make a scene in front of his kids. Standing there on the kitchen with Rachel, Mike and Ella, he could only swallow those words he had to say to her and sighed. 

"I still have some of the medicine you kept for the kids, we can look through that after dinner. For now, that's all they had at the drug store. It's the same thing though, it'll get her fever down just the same" 

Rachel noticed the way he kept looking at the kids, as if making sure they could not feel the tension. She decided that playing along would be the better solution. 

"Okay, after dinner we can look for those" 

'God, why won't she just settle for these?' he exasperatedly thought, looking at the medicine. Spiteful, yes... Rachel was very spiteful. 

After dinner, Mike was feeling rather worn off from his afternoon with his dad and had no trouble falling asleep. Ella almost didn't make it through dinner either, having just had some cough syrup which made her very sleepy. After both of them had been tucked in, Rachel still insisted on looking for that medicine he said she'd left there. 

They opened the cabinets on his bathroom and searched around. Ross pulled a very large box out of one drawer. 

"Here, I think these are all theirs" 

She took it and looked through them. 

"Most of these are expired" 

"Well, everything must come to an end, huh?" he said in a very sarcastic tone, which Rachel did not apreciate. 

She sat down and kept on looking through the box, though, trying hard not to argue back. What good could come from it? 

"The syrup isn't here" 

"I guess we ran out of that, then. Or I must've thrown it out." 

Rachel quickly stood up from the stool she was sitting on and shot him a look. 

"What is the matter with you?" 

Ross watched her with confusion. Confusion and frustration. And anger. 

"I beg your pardon?" 

"You just threw it out?" 

"Yes, it must've expired, Rachel. Now calm down, _I_ should be the one asking what the hell's the matter with _you_!" 

"Ah, excuse me? With _me_? _You_'re the one who got her sick in the first place!" 

"Right, I'd forgotten I had the ability of doing that, I'm sorry your Highness!" 

Rachel shot him a disgusted look. 

"Since you claim yourself to be a Doctor so much, Ross, you should've known better before you put her feet into that freezing water!" 

"Do you really think blaming me for this is gonna make you feel better about this whole thing?" 

Rachel just kept looking at him, not knowing what to say. Her expression was still steady, however. Furious and frustrated. 

"For once you should stop being so spiteful and see that your dumb actions are actually affecting people that surround you, Rachel! For once, that's all I'm asking!" 

"Oh, so now this is about your little girlfriend?" 

"You and I both know it's never been about Ella getting sick! Stop using our daughter like this, like an excuse for every little one of your imature feelings!" 

Rachel approached him and raised her index finger towards the tip of his nose. The look in her eyes scared him. 

"Don't you _ever_ say that I'm using Ella again" 

Ross looked down for a few seconds, untill she raised her finger and sighed. 

"But you're right, maybe this _is_ about something else" he looked up at her "About the fact that one night we're talking and having fun, smiling... And the next you barely even look at my face!" 

Ross turned around and paced, exasperated. 

"What do you want me to do, Rachel, what?? I mean, seriously. Do you want to be my little friend as if nothing happened, as if you never broke my heart? Well, it's too hard, I can't do it. I can't bear to look at your face these days anymore and remember everything that's happened! All the things that you would say and then just take back! Even here, now, one minute you're acting all weird about being back and using the kids as an excuse not to be alone with me... and then you change your mind, you come back, we have a great time and I just could so clearily see what you would do next! You were going to blow me off again, and I can't bear this anymore!" 

"So you just went ahead and did it before me?" he could see disgust in her eyes. "You knew what I was _going to do_ and you just beat me at it? Wow, that is so mature, Dr. Geller" her eyes were glistening with angry tears. "Well, since you're Mr. Know-It-All, you must understand exactly how I felt then, huh? And then you just go and flirt with this woman in front of me and your kids, how sensitive of you!" 

"I was not flirting with her!" 

"She gave her your phone number!" 

"'Cause she was mad at you, you were humiliating her!" 

"You slept with her!" Rachel pointed her finger back at him and he fell silent. She looked at him and her tears finally dropped. She couldn't speak for a few seconds. Ross looked down one more time and sighed. "You slept with her" Rachel repeated with a softer voice. 

Ross looked up at her. Her final words to him as a real couple kept ringing in his ear, piercing his mind almost unbearably. 

"Why would you care, Rachel? You don't love me anymore, you said so yourself. We're divorced, I can do whatever I want." 

"Yeah, go bang any girl you want, Ross, see if I care." 

"Judging from this conversation, I'd say very much." 

Rachel's fury level rised again. 

"How would you even know? You don't even know me, anymore!" 

"That's right, I don't! You've changed, Rachel, way before we split up! And this has all happened because of you, so don't go around and try to place the blame on me, okay?" 

"I'm sorry, _my_ fault?!" Rachel disregarded the fact she really considered this all to be her fault indeed. But she wouldn't admit it to him. 

"Yes! I told you we didn't have to come, but you insisted. Then I said I'd come back with you but you said no! You said you didn't love me anymore, what was I to do??" 

"Not believe me!" 

He looked at her, confused. 

"What?" 

Her tears were running free now. It didn't matter what she'd say... She had run out of explanations, out of lies. Things couldn't get worse than that and now her chest was about to explode. She was tired and she couldn't control her actions anymore. God, she was so tired... 

She collapsed back onto the stool and cried. Ross knelt down next to her and didn't know what to say. 

"Rach, what?" 

She removed her hands from her face and looked at him. 

"Did you really believe I'd stopped loving you?" 

His heart was thorn. Should it feel warm or break into pieces? Her words were more than he could ever expect, but the knoledge of what had happened hurt him too much. 

"Why did you tell me you had?" 

"I don't know, Ross, I wanted to hurt you, okay? I didn't want to say no to you, but I also didn't want to stay here!" 

And his frustration began to rise again. 

"We had to make a choice, Rachel!" 

"No matter what happened, things would end badly, Ross!" 

"I'd told you I would go back, Rachel!" 

"You would be mad at me!" 

"Oh, so now _you_'re Ms. Know-It-All??" 

Rachel shot him a look and stood up again. 

"Like you'd want to leave this! I wouln't want to be traded for this! You love it, Ross, I know it. You love the money and the cars, and the girls-" 

He cut her sentence. 

"No, Rachel! Do you really think this is a way of living? Do you really think I've been _happy_ these past few years??" 

"Then why didn't you come back??" 

"Because you said you didn't want me to, Rachel!! God, how many times will I have to tell you this?" 

"Why, why, why did you believe me?" 

Rachel was drying her tears, not minding her hysterical ways. 

"Can't you recall those last few months, Rachel? The hell we went through? It was pretty hard to believe you still loved me after all of that!" 

Rachel just stood there, unable to speak. She'd never felt so guilty before. 

"What did you expect me to do? Go after you and beg for you to take me back?" he continued. 

She sighed and couldn't quite figure out how to explain the way she felt back then. It was all so irrational. 

"I don't know, Ross." her voice was shaky. "I guess I just figured I needed some time to figure things out." 

While she was shaking in regret, his mind was racing frenetically, now knowing that things could had been so different for them. 

"And was I supposed to read your mind??" he shouted. 

Her temperature rose. Wasn't he going to give her a break? There was nothing she could do _now_! 

"You know what, Ross, fuck you! Forget it, it's over, everything's changed, you've got your little girlfriends now, you don't need us!" she threw the one box of medicine she was holding on the floor. The noise wasn't too great because it landed on a t-shirt that had fallen from the sink. She turned to leave, but before she could, Ross grabbed her and made her turn around. 

"No, Rachel" his voice was firm. "Nothing's changed!" 

They kept looking at each other's eyes for a second. A second Rachel never knew that could be filled with so many feelings. 

Guilt, rage, regret, frustration, love, lust... and a raw sexual disire. 

Ross leaned in and finally kissed her.

* * *

Hm, yes, I'm a mean little girl. I'm exausted from writing this, it's too intense. I don't like it very much, but I guess it says _almost_ everything I wanted them to say. Writing dialogues can be so tricky!! Anyway... leave me a review and I might write the next chapter soon! haha! :) Who am I kidding, eh? Thanks for reading! :) 


	14. Chapter 14

**The one to give**  
by Tina

* * *

His lips met hers so quickly she didn't know exactly what was happening. Before she could begin to understand it, she was already taken over by that so familiar feeling. Her knees went weak, her stomach was filled with mad butterflies and she lost control of pretty much every inch of her body. But they still kept on acting, on instinct. Her lips caressed his, gladly kissed him back. Her arms embraced him tightly around the waist and she welcomingly opened her mouth, craving for more. 

Instict. 

Something she had repressed for so many years. But he managed to bring it up in her. 

It was the right thing to do... The _only_ thing to do. 

After all, there was no one out there who could ever make her feel the way he did. Who could deprive her of reason like that. She knew things would not get easier this way, but she couldn't help it. She had to have him. It had been so long, she had almost forgotten what it was like to have his arms around her, his lips on hers. 

And now there he was, refreshing her memory. Probably opening cuts, but also healing so much. The pain was suddenly vanished. He could take it all away like that, so easily. How could there ever been a day when she thought she could live without him? 

Their tenderness, intimacy and connection were still there. 

And there was no stopping now. 

Ross couldn't let go of her. He had promised himself if he ever got a real chance to be with her again, he would grab it with both hands. And even though this vow was alternated with another one which told him he shouldn't fall for Rachel's uncertainty again, he chose to follow the first one for the time being. Because kissing her was beyond discription. All he could think was that having her again seemed, at the moment, worth any pain it might cause in the future. 

So... to hell with everything else. 

Simply kissing him was getting Rachel heated up. In the rushed blur she was merged on, she couldn't stop her hands from traveling all the way up his back and down to his butt. When he did the same, her temperature rose further up and she pulled him even closer. 

He finally took his lips from hers to kiss her perfect neck and collarbone. He pressed her against the bathroom wall as she moaned quietly. He smiled and continued to kiss her everywhere he could, even through the fabric of her clothes. Whenever they were together, he always wanted to make sure she was enjoying herself. And it wasn't a hard thing to do. Not only he loved pleasing her - it made _him_ enjoy himself even more - but also because Rachel loved making love. 

Whenever they were together, which happened with great frequency when they were together, it was because they both wanted to. Because it brought them together and because it was _good_. 

Sensing things were getting too carried away in the bathroom, Ross looked up at her. Though he was very much afraid anything could make her change her mind, he also didn't want that magical moment of theirs to happen right on the bathroom floor. It would only label it as an irrational instict. 

He knew it could easily be called that. But he also desperately wanted to turn this into something else. Something else that could change their future. 

"Maybe we should, hm, move this to the bedroom" Ross carefully picked his words, and still thought they didn't come out right. 

Nevertheless, she nodded. 

"Okay" she mumbled through an uneven breathing. 

Before they left, he quickly opened the drawer she had opened a few days ago and picked up a condom. 

On the way into the bedroom, he wrapped his arms around her waist again and pulled her close. She instantly resumed kissing him and soon they fell onto the bed. While she opened the buttons of his shirt and planted fire-y kisses on his chest, he watched her and caressed her waist. 

It was surreal. 

She looked up at him and smiled when she saw the look on his face. She shifted herself up towards him and they linked their lips. He rolled on top of her and just having his weight over hers was overwhelming. And his hands, God, she loved his hands... 

So many memories of so many wonderful moments. 

And this was now one of them. 

The knowledge they had on each other added up to the time they had been apart resulted on what they could only call the best night they'd ever shared. Every act was so meaningful and filled with so many feelings Rachel couldn't even begin to list. This was like a retreat. They understood each other whenever they made love, it was a peaceful and sacret moment. 

They had decided to put their problems aside. It was not the time for them. They needed to be together as if everything was okay, as if they were the only ones in the world and there was nothing to worry about. And after the weight had been carried off their backs with that one kiss which started it all, they enjoyed the intire night with the single worry of making the best of it. 

And they did. 

That lightness sensation kept on going for hours after they were done. 

Both awake, yet silent, they laid still in bed for hours, not wanting to completely surrender themselves to slumber. They were trapped somewhere between reality and dreams, just awake enough to feel each other's presence; their arms, body and breathing. To savour that feeling, not allowing it to end much too soon. 

Ocasionally, Rachel would feel him stroking her. Either her hair, her bare shoulders or naked back. She would pay him back by kissing his lips softly. 

How could she bring herself to end this moment? 

But when the alarm clock beside his bed marked 4 a.m., she decided she should leave to her own room before she fell asleep for good. She didn't want their kids to wake up and find out she had slept there. It was a risk she couldn't take, even though it was unlikely to happen. 

She looked up at him and noticed his eyes were closed. Maybe he'd finally fallen asleep. But when she tried letting go of him, he opened his eyes. 

"What?" he whispered. 

"I should go now. The kids might be up early and I shouldn't sleep in here" her voice was barely heard. 

"Oh" 

He finally let go of her and she sat up. He watched as she slowly dressed herself and, before she could leave, he spoke again. 

"Rach" she turned to look at him "Tonight... What did it- what does it mean?" 

He didn't know how else to put it. 

She sighed and knelt down next to him. Affectionately, she rested her face on his, their noses right next to each other's, and took a deep breath. She was not yet fully on control of her actions. But then again sometimes she would wonder if she ever was, when it came to Ross. Specially in such moments, when she found herself to be so much in love with him. 

"No matter what I've said or eventually say... I love you, Ross" 

He backed away just enough to look into her eyes. 

"I love you too" 

And with one last passionate kiss, she left the room.

* * *

Though she was tired from spending the last few nights practicly awake, Rachel couldn't sleep. She kept remembering everything that had just happened and was having trouble believing it herself. After everything that had happened the last few years, she never imagined they could be able to share much more than mere words. 

Having him kiss her, touch her, make love to her... was, therefore, beyond her capacity of comprehention. 

But it had happened. 

She closed her eyes and let her memory replay the evening in her head. She could still feel his lips on hers, himself in her. The rush of emotions, the desire, the explosion. He always had her so satisfied and yet so anxious for more. 

She had to have more of him. 

_Riiing, riiing, riiing_

Rachel looked at her watch. It was 5:30. She smiled to herself. 

Ross was going jogging. 

She got up and looked through the many shopping bags she had placed next to her suitcase. She pulled out gym clothes and a new pair of sneakers from them and didn't take long to put them on. 

When she heard the door to Ross' room open, she quickly picked up a sweatshirt and left her room. 

"Hey, mind if I join you?" 

Ross turned around and was surprised to see Rachel there. He smiled broadly and nodded, feeling too overwhelved to even speak. 

Silently, they entered the elevator together and Ross pressed the button to the ground level. When he looked over at Rachel, he saw her putting her hair up in a ponytail. Gazing at her neck, he couldn't help but spot a trace from their little _thing_ just a few hours ago. 

She must've noticed the look at his face, because she quickly turned and looked into her reflection in the mirror. At first, she gasped. Then, she just laughed. Ross smiled and chuckled. This had to be a good sign, huh? 

She looked at him and shook her head, a smile on her face. 

"Naughty, naughty, naughty..." 

Ross simply chuckled again. 

The elevator door opened and they stepped out. They walked out of the builting and crossed the desert street to the beach. The sky was still painted pale blue with uncountable shades of orange, as the sun was rising on the horizon. The win blowing was chilly and it made Rachel's cheeks turn red. Ross looked at her and smiled, as they just kept on slowly walking along the coast. 

Normally, he would run. But... not that morning. That morning, he just felt like walking peacefully and admiring how beautiful she was. 

She looked at him and you couldn't tell she was blushing, due her already pink cheeks. 

"What?" 

"Nothing, I just..." 

He trailled off, but by the look on her face he could tell she was expecting him to finish that sentense. 

"I just sometimes can't believe how beautiful you really are" 

Rachel's heart skipped a beat. 

She just looked straight ahead again and lovingly let the back her hand brush on his, taking some time before playing with his fingers and then finally holding his hand.

* * *

Wow, tones of things to say to the reviewers (and readers in general ;)). First of all, don't worry, I am not rushing this. As I said, everything's pretty much planned in my head and it won't be all easy stuff, you know? Don't be fooled by this chapter. There's still _so_ much to come (but I am also not changing the whole setting!).  
Hmm... and one review in particular got me pretty upset. I know it probably wasn't this person's intention, but... what do you mean, 'how would Ross think about moving to Brazil'? Brazil's a wonderful country! Is he too good for it, or something? Rachel is a city girl, I know that. Rio de Janeiro is a big city, did _you_ know that? We have a huge fashion industry here too. Powerful brands, I might say. Sorry, I know you probably didn't mean to offend me like that, but people don't know enough about my country and keep saying stuff like that (oh, you wouldn't believe the things I've heard in my whole life!). Just for the record, we don't live in trees and there's no such thing as the monkey desease. Now do both me and you a favor by going to Google and typing "Rio de Janeiro" on the Image search. That's all I ask!  
And I'm gonna say this once... I don't mind my spelling's not the best.  
Other than that... whoa... :) Thanks for all the reviews, you guys are the best!! :) Sorry I got carried away, but I'm in the worst mood! : Don't be scared to leave me a review now though, lmao! They make me feel a whole lot better! ;) 


	15. Chapter 15

**The one to give**  
by Tina

* * *

As the weight that had been carried off their backs was loaded back on, both Ross and Rachel were rethinking the previous night. Rachel was in the shower, after coming home from jogging. Ross was in Mike's room, waiting a little longer before he could wake his son up. He'd promised him he would take him to spend the whole morning at the museum. And now, all he could do was stare at him and wonder how the previous night could affect his young life. 

Rachel let the water wash away her sweat and thoughtlessness. However, the way the water ran down her body, through the valley between her breats and down her slender legs, she couldn't help but only be reminded of the feeling Ross had stirred on her again. Besides, he made her not only a _woman_, but also a happy woman, a complete woman. 

She ran a hand over her body and shivered. 

Oh, Dr. Geller... 

Exits irrational. 

Enters confused. 

Okay, so maybe they had done it on an impulse. If she wasn't so jealous, it could have never happened. But did that take away the importance of it? The meaning? After all, it did mean a lot. You don't jump in bed with someone for pure fun and then spend hours just holding each other, savouring the feeling. If she didn't love him, she would be glad to leave after they were through. But no... 

The way they looked at each other, kissed and touched. How she had to force herself to leave. 

She didn't want to leave. 

'Sure, you love him, big deal! What else is new?' she asked herself. 'Now, how is sleeping with him going to help? Are you willing to make things work out again?' 

Well, maybe. 

The past week in Rio de Janeiro showed her that living there was something she could get used to, if she finally gave it a chance. But she didn't want to blust that out to him just yet. And neither did she want to tell their kids and get them hopeful on something that could soon go wrong. So Rachel made up her mind. She still had practicly seven whole days untill she was supposed to leave, so she intended to make the best of it and finally decide her future. 

After all, this was their family. They were worth another chance. A well thought decision, a compromise. 

She would set her heart on making the next few days work. If they did, she could maybe stay for another week. And another. Then she could go back to settle things down, bring her things and... stay. She wouldn't mind. Even though Ross had told her that he wasn't happy in Brazil, how could she say she was happy in the US? And the kids... sure, they were good kids, they would settle anywhere. But there was something about the way Mike ran at the beach, that Ella hugged Ross in the cabe car that touched her. 

Just _something_. 

This time, it was _her_ decision, she wouldn't be able to blame Ross. There was no pressure from his part. 

This time, it was not _about_ her. Forget the job, forget the friends she didn't even see those days anymore. She also had to think about Ross, Mike and Ella. It was their future too. 

This time... not with the sole purpose to hurt Ross. Specially since she learned that by hurting him, she got herself hurt too. By getting distant to him, she also had him distant from her. It was a two way game and now it didn't seem worth being miserable to get him to feel the same. No, she wanted to be happy again. They both to be happy. And maybe there could be a way for it to happen simultaniously again. 

Rachel smiled to herself. 

Back in Mike's room, Ross still hadn't made the smallest movement to wake him up. He was just watching his son. It was so peaceful to watch him sleep. Ross couldn't help but wonder how amazing things would be if they were a _"real"_ family again. It didn't matter where, really. But then, he shook it off. Sure, Rachel had been really caring and sweet that morning. But as far as he knew, that couldn't asure him anything. As much as he failed to repress his hope, he knew things could so easily change. 

Still, no matter what, the previous night had been worth it. 

Ross closed his eyes and recalled the look in her eyes. They were so welcoming, again. Her lips, so soft and yet powerful in his skin. 

And her magic words... 

_"No matter what I've said or eventually say... I love you, Ross"_

With a smile, he opened his eyes. He believed her. She loved him, she really did. After all this time, after all they'd gone through and time they'd been apart, she loved him. It was enough to keep him hopeful. Hopeful he could once again wake up everyday to find her next to him, while their son and daughter slept under that same roof. 

And so, he allowed himself to daydream. Finally.

* * *

Mike was having breakfast with his father when Rachel entered with Ella on her arms. The little girl didn't look much healthier, but Ross suspected it was mostly the feeling of having her mommy taking care of her like that. She probably wasn't that much sick, but Rachel was babying her so much she ought to be taking some advantage off the situation. 

Ross smiled to himself. With a nurse like that, he couldn't say he wouldn't do the same. 

"Good morning" 

Ross smiled brighter noticing her still so sweet eyes pointed directly at him. 

"Good morning" 

Rachel kissed the top of Mike's head and put Ella on a chair. 

"Morning, mom" her son replied with a mouth full of toast. 

Ross stroked Ella's hair. 

"You feeling better, sweetie?" 

Ella shook her head and rubbed her eyes. Rachel looked at Ross and he looked at her. 

"I think we're gonna have to stay home again today" 

"No, I wanna go out!!" Mike protested. 

"Oh, no, sweetie, I meant your sister and me. You guys are going to the museum, right?" 

"Right!" 

Mike squeezed the rest of his toast into his mouth and hopped off his chair. 

"C'mon, dad" he managed to say while crumbs flew out of his mouth much like his words. 

Rachel shot him a look. 

"Michael Geller Green" 

Ross smiled. He loved hearing both their last names together. 

"Sorry, mom" he repeated the mistake, having not yet swallowed. Realising that, he left the kitchen before he could hear more of it. 

Ross finally stood up and looked at Rachel. 

"We should be home for lunch" 

"No" Ross looked at her confused. "I mean, take him out to the zoo or something, he doesn't like staying here" Ross looked down and Rachel realised. "In the house, I mean, not in here as in this city. He loves this city!" Rachel kicked herself for getting so talktive. _Slow down_, she told herself as she took a deep breath and continued. "He just wants to make the best of it, you know? He misses this. Come back later and we'll do something, all of us. I'm sure Ella will be better, she's just being crabby" 

"Mommy!" 

Rachel chuckled and kissed Ella's cheek. 

"Yes, you're mommy's little crabby girl" 

Ella reached for Rachel's chair and she picked her up. Ella simply rested her head on Rachel's chest and closed her eyes. Rachel stroked her hair and kissed it. 

"See, you just want a little bit of this, huh?" 

Ross smiled and without a warning, leaned closer and also kissed the top of Ella's head. Rachel raised her eyes to look at him. 

"I'll see you guys later" 

Rachel watched him leave.

* * *

"Where's this piece? There's one piece missing, dad!" 

Mike looked around the floor for the last piece of the puzzle he was putting together. Looking over at Ella's side, he could see her trying to fit a much smaller piece into her own set. 

"Ella, that's mine, give it" 

"No, I want this one" 

The little girl kept on trying to fit it anywhere she could. 

"It's not gonna fit, it's not from yours! Here, look!" he pointed to the one gap in his practicly finished puzzle. "It's mine" 

"No, but I want it in mine!" 

Mike looked at his parents. 

"Mo-om! Dad!" 

Ross and Rachel looked at each other and then looked at Ella. 

"Ella, c'mon, give it to your brother, it's his" 

"But it's got a butterfly, mommy, I want the butterfly" 

Rachel could sense Ella was ready to bed. 

"Okay, then tomorrow you can try and make the one with the butterfly. Now, do you wanna go to bed?" 

"No..." 

"I know you're tired" 

"I am not!" 

Ella imediately gave Mike his piece back, as if making a point. Rachel and Ross chuckled. 

"Thank you!" Mike replied, finally placing the last piece. "Ta-da, I'm done!" 

"Nice!" 

"Bravo!" 

Mike smiled proudly at his parents before undoing his work and starting back again. Rachel sighed and looked at her watch. Noticing it, Ross smiled and looked at her. He too couldn't wait untill his kids were asleep so he and Rachel could talk. And, well, maybe something more. 

"So, how was your day?" 

"Nice..." her smile asured him exactly why it had been _nice_. "Yours?" 

"Great" 

"Got any plans for tomorrow?" 

"You think Ella will be better?" 

"Better enough to do something quiet" 

"So that means I should cross bungy jumping from my list?" 

Rachel chuckled. 

"You know what I mean" 

"I was thinking maybe we could just do something with the kids and at night..." Courage. "I could call a babysitter and we could..." he trailed off and she smiled. 

"Okay" 

"See, there's this bar, sort of, and there's gonna be a show and the museum got tickets, so..." 

"That'd be great" 

They smiled at each other. 

"Ella, get off, give me that!!!" 

Having settled it was bedtime for the two of them, it didn't take long untill both kids were tucked in. Exausted from sleep deprivation and a long day, Ross leaned against the hallway wall. But as Rachel came into view, closing the door to Ella's room, he felt as if his disposition was back. 

"Sleeping like an angel", she whispered. 

Ross smiled. Rachel came closer. 

"Hm, any chance we can get into a fight again tonight?" she whispered as she softly pressed herself against him. He protectively wrapped his arms aroun her waist. 

"I dropped my t-shirt on the bathroom floor, you know?" 

"Oh, you naughty boy!"

* * *

Not much to say :) The next few chapters should be very fluffy like this. But stay tunned because we got more then just this. I just gotta balance the story before we take another step!  
Hmmm.. reviews?? ;) And thanks Audrey for keeping me hostage! woo :D 


	16. Chapter 16

**The one to give**  
by Tina

* * *

Rachel was knelt down on the sand next to Flávia and their daughters at the beach. Flávia's girls - Katie and Lisa - were surrounded by toys and looked as if were trying to built a sand castle. Ella, on the other hand, was head to toe covered in sand and looked more concerned about burrying her legs. Her mother looked at her and laughed. 

"Ella, what are you doing? You're covered in sand now!" 

The little girl looked up at her mother with her chocolate brown eyes and giggled. 

"I know!" 

Rachel brushed some sand off her cheeks and shook her head, still smiling. Flávia looked at her, suspetious. There was something different, a new glow in Rachel's expression. For the time being, however, she decided not to bring it up. 

Closer to the street, Ross and Flávia's husband, Hugh, were having a beer and chatting. 

"Boy, Geller, only you to get me off work on a tuesday to hang out at the beach" 

"Good use of time though, don't you think?" 

Hugh chuckled. 

"Sure" 

Ross watched Mike playing soccer with Hugh and Flávia's seven years old son, Gabriel, and then shifted his sight to Rachel and Ella. That's all he wanted: to look over and see his family beside him. He was filled with a sense of whole, he was complete. There was nothing else in this world he could ask for, it seemed. 

But... What if it... was taken away, again? 

He remembered all the pain he went through the last time Rachel left him. It was almost unbereable. But at least it was a process. Their marriege fell apart in phases. In a way, he could see it coming. 

But now... if she left him again, he knew it would hurt even more. 

After years of craving for his past, he finally got what he wanted the most about it: Rachel's love and their kids. Whenever they were together now, it seemed as if she'd never left him and they were still the same old happy family they would be by now if nothing had got in the way. 

But that's not what things were like. Things _did_ get in the way. The previous two years had been real. 

There were things to deal with... Things he seemed to forget whenever Rachel came up to him. She seduced him in a way that cleared his mind. Sometimes, he thought that even if she left him it still would've been worth it. Some other times, however, he wondered if he could put himself over that hell again. 

Asking her where this was going scared him to death, though. The simple thought of ending what they finally had again was heart breaking. If he was indeed going to be hurt, would he prefer to post pone it? Risk getting even more involved and hurt himself even deeper? Was this just a fling for her? Damn, they were too old for flings! They had so much history for that. Kids, for God's sake! 

God, he'd gladly give way more than just a penny for her thoughts. 

Rachel looked at Flávia, who spotted her never ending smile once again. 

"You're not working now, right?" 

"No, not right now. Everybody I had seems to no longer need classes." Flávia chuckled "Being such a good teacher sucks, my students don't need me anymore...!" 

Rachel smiled brighter. 

"I do" 

Flávia looked confused. 

"What?" 

Rachel looked over to be sure no one, including Ella, could hear them. 

"I want you to be my Portuguese teacher again, Flávia" 

Flávia just looked even more confused. 

"I thought- I thought you were leaving sunday" 

Rachel quickly looked at Ross and then back at Flávia. 

"I might... not" 

Flávia smiled widely. 

"Are you telling me...?" she trailled off and Rachel smiled. After a shy nod from Rachel, Flávia practicly squealed "Oh, this is so great!" 

"I know...!" Rachel melted, feeling glad she had finally opened up with someone. 

"When did this happen?" 

"After Petrópolis..." 

"Liked my suggestion?" Flávia winked. 

"Thank you so much", Rachel smiled. 

"So, hey, what have you guys decided? You're gonna stay longer to figure this out or...?" 

"Actually..." Rachel sighed "We haven't really talked about it" 

"What?" Flávia was back to confused. 

"I just don't wanna give him hopes, you know? And I don't want pressure, I just wanna have these next few days to make up my mind" 

"Rachel, hm... You do realise this is a decision you should make together, right?" 

Rachel looked down. 

"I know, but..." she sighed. "I'm just really, really scared to let him down again. I swear I'm gonna try, but I just don't..." she trailled off, not really knowing how to explain herself. Was it that selfish? Yeah, maybe it was. She couldn't help it. 

"So you just... what, you kissed or...?" 

"We slept together" Flávia just looked at her. "Twice" Flávia still just kept on watching her. "And, hm, we said _I love yous_..." 

"I don't.." Flávia trailled off, not knowing what to say. "Oh, Rachel, sweetie.. You must talk to him. If you want to make this work, stay, I give you all the thumbs up you need. But do it the right way, think things over, _talk_ things over. You went through a lot, you need a clean start. You really must work out the past and present if you want a future!" Rachel nodded and Flávia smiled. "That sounded kinda nice, huh? Past, present, future...! I should write it down!" 

Rachel chuckled, Flávia was so adorable. 

"You're right. Yeah, I'll do the right thing, believe me. I guess this" she looked around "would not be bad after all" 

"Just give it a chance" 

Rachel smiled.

* * *

At night, Ross called a nanny to watch the kids so he and Rachel could go out. Rachel was trying to convince Ella she would be right back while Ross was finishing getting dressed. 

"But mommy, why can't I go?" 

"Sweetie, I told you, we're gonna come home late, way past your bedtime" 

"I've been up past my bedtime before!" 

"When?!" 

Ella's cheeks turned pink. 

"Please, mommy!" 

Rachel looked at her with simpathy. 

"I'm sorry, baby" 

"You said you would be right back, then why did you say you were coming late now?" 

Rachel chuckled at her daughter's arguments. 

"You're not gonna suck me into this, Ella. Bottonline is, you're gonna go to bed soon and when you wake up I'll be here, okay? Just like I would if I hadn't gone out" 

Ella sighed, tired of reasoning, and sat down on the couch. At that moment, Ross entered the room. 

"You ready?" 

"Yeah, do you think this is appropriate?" 

He looked at her properly and had trouble regaigning his breath. She was wearing a knee long black dress, classic yet provocative, with a slit up one leg. 

"Yes, yes, very- hm, very nice" 

She smiled and turned to kiss their kids goodbye. 

"Daddy, can I come too?" 

Rachel chuckled one last time. 

When they arrived the concert hall, they reached a table for six. Another couple was already there, sixty year olds who Ross greeted in Portuguese. Rachel politely said hello. They sat down next to each other. 

"So, what's the deal here?" 

"Well, you see, the museum gives away a bunch of money for cultural events and stuff, so they send us tickets for most of them" 

"Been partying much lately?" she asked with a joking tone, smiling at him in a flirty way. 

"Actually, I usually give my part to my secretary" 

Rachel tilted her head and smiled brighter. 

"You lie" 

Ross chuckled. 

"Right, I forgot to tell you I've turned into a party animal" He pointed around the fancy hall, filled with mostly adult (aparently married) couples "See how wild we get?" 

Rachel laughed. 

A waiter approached. 

"Boa noite. Querem alguma coisa para beber?" 

Before Ross had time to think, Rachel turned to him. 

"Uma garrafa de vinho tinto, por favor. O melhor que tiver." 

The waiter left and Rachel looked back at Ross, who had a bewilred look on his face. She just grinned and wrapped one arm around him. 

Soon, the lights faded and the show began. Ross wrapped one arm around her aswell and she leaned back on him, resting her head on his chest and closing her eyes. 

_"Bem que se quis depois de tudo ainda ser feliz, mas já não há caminho pra voltar. O que é que a vida fez da nossa vida? O que é que a gente não faz por amor?"_

Ross lowered his lips to her ears and whispered the meaning of the song for her. He had to, it was so... them. 

"We really wanted, after all that's happened, to still be happy, but there's no way back now. And what did life make of our lives? And what won't we do for love?" 

_"Mas tanto faz, já me esqueci de te esquecer porque o teu desejo é o meu melhor prazer e o meu destino é querer sempre mais. A minha estrada corre pro teu mar..."_

"But whatever, I've forgotten to forget you, because your wish is my greatest pleasure and my destiny is to want always more. My road runs to your sea." 

_"Agora vem pra perto vem, vem depressa vem sem fim dentro de mim que eu quero sentir o teu corpo pesando sobre o meu. Vem meu amor vem pra mim, me abraça devagar, me beija e me faz esquecer..."_

"Now come closer" he pulled her closer and she giggled "hurry, endlessly, to me 'cause I wanna feel your body weighing above mine. Come to me, hold me slowly, kiss me and make me forget..." 

Rachel smiled and finally opened her eyes. He was looking at her, both smiling. 

"It sounds cuter in Portuguese" he blushed. He wanted it to be special...! 

"I know" she nodded. 

He lowered his head and kissed her. 

It had to be worth it...

* * *

Here we go :) Keep leaving me reviews telling me what you think, not just about the fic itself, but their decisions and stuff. I wanna make sure this seems believeable! :) See ya next chap! Hopefully, soon!  
To the brazilians... I do understand it'd be very unlikely for Marisa Monte to open a show singing "Bem que se quis" (that's the song we had there ;)), but I just had to! I was between her, Gil, Chico Buarque, Maria Rita and Rita Lee. But Marisa won. Marisa always wins :)  
Song written by Pino Daniele and Nelson Motta :) Performed by Marisa Monte :) Damn, even Ross and Rachel went to a Marisa concert and I haven't! haha 


	17. Chapter 17

**The one to give**  
by Tina

* * *

Standing right outside the door to the penthouse, Ross and Rachel looked at each other after returning from their morning jog. There was something so provocative with the way this particular drop of Rachel's sweat rolled from her temples down her neck and into the gap on front of her zip-up sweat shirt, Ross noticed. He pulled her closer and kissed her salty neck, quickly moving down to her neckline. 

Rachel giggled and wrapped her arms around him. She knew the minute those doors opened, their affectionated gestures had to cease. Much like everything that was happening with them, it was implicit. They didn't talk about it, but both just knew the kids should not aknowledge their parents' new _'relationship'._

Ross reached for the zipper and lowered it just enough to bear her black top. She contented herself with simply sighing blissfully, softly leaning against the wall behind her. 

"Hm, Ross?" her voice was soft. 

He looked up at her. 

"What?" 

"I think I can hear the kids" 

"Don't worry, the nanny's in there with them" 

"Okay" 

Rachel smiled and he kissed her lips. She could feel his hands going down her body and shivered. Hm, maybe she was too old for this, but it felt too good to stop. So, this was a private little hall, but it still felt weird. She felt as if she was back in NY, between apartments 19 and 20, right after another date with Ross. Even though they always had their own little retreat in the safety of the 4 walls of her bedroom, they always allowed things to get a bit steamy in the hall. 

But she wasn't 27 anymore. 

And even though she wished that acting like things were still the same would actually _make_ them the same, she knew better. So, with a final giggle, she placed her hands softly on his chest and gently pulled him away. 

"You don't get enough, do you?" 

He rested his forehead on hers and smiled. 

"Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting for this?" 

Realising what he's said, Ross quickly went serious and pulled away. But she still kept her arms around him, not wanting to tense things up. With a weak smile, she kissed him softly. 

"Not in the middle of the hall" 

He weakly smiled back. 

"Now, let's go in, the kids must be unpatient. I bet Ella got up right after we left" 

Ross chuckled. 

"Yeah, bet she did" 

Later that day, Flávia and Rachel were sitting on the tanning chairs while the kids were playing in the pool with nannies. 

"Should we run the basics first or do you want to skip to where we were before you quit?" 

"I'm pretty sure we'll need to revise everything, my memory's not my friend" Rachel answered rubbing lotion onto her skin. "By the way, nice class!" 

"Oh, isn't it?" 

Flávia laid down on her own chair. 

"Okay, can you still remember the personal pronouns? Or should I say pronomes pessoais do caso reto?" 

"Eu, tu, ele, nós, vós, eles" 

"Correct! Just remember we don't usually say, "tu"... Unless of course you're in Portugal! Or up in someplaces either up North or down South. Either way, not the case, so you-" 

Rachel cut her: 

"Say você instead and use the verb as if it was mean to be for ele" 

"Very good. Now c'mon, to be in the present task, let's see if you still remember that" 

"Eu sou, tu és, ele é, nós somos, vós sois, eles são... Only I'll never say most of these!" 

"True. We should just do conversation you know, stupid grammar won't get you anywhere" 

Rachel laughed. 

"You're the teacher! Stuff like _'please pass the pie'_ or- or _'the book is on the table'_?" 

Flávia shot her a look. 

"Yes, 'cause _those_ are the things you need to learn! Very useful, indeed!" 

Rachel laughed again. 

"I don't know, it could happen"

* * *

Ross was finally finishing up a few pages of work before heading back home. He couldn't wait. He remembered the previous night and felt warm inside. The past few days have been a dream. He hoped it would all end well, but as for the moment it didn't matter. 

Suddenly, without notice, the door opened and Keith walked in. 

"Have you got the list of next month's events?" 

"No, but they're usually faxed before the brochures arrive. Ask Gisela, she might know" 

Keith sat down across from Ross on the desk. 

"Yeah, whatever, that's not why I came here for anyway" 

Ross shot him a confused look. 

"Soooo... a little bird told me a certain someone spent the whole night with his arms and, well, other stuff all over a new girl. Up till there, okay, no big news." Keith's next words were intentionally very slow, to create greater impact "But people have been saying it was your ex-wife!" Ross rolled his eyes "Is that all you got to say for yourself?" 

"Keith, not that this is any of your business, but guess what? Oh, that's right, this _isn't_ any of your business!" 

Keith shot him a serious look. 

"Ross, hm, what are doing?" 

Ross looked at Keith and then quickly lowered his sight. 

"Have you forgotten the past few years, was this it?" 

"No! I just haven't forgotten what happened _before_ that either!" 

"Well, then, good. Is she willing to work past those problems?" 

Ross kept looking at Keith and didn't know what to say. Despite his ways, Ross knew Keith was just caring for him. However, at the moment, Ross just wished he didn't. 

Ross' silence was more than enough answer to Keith. But the look he had on his face did anything but encorage Keith to lecture him. 

"So, what are you guys going to do?" Keith asked after a long deep sigh. 

Ross shrugged. 

"I don't know." 

"Is she leaving or staying or...? What?" 

Ross shook his head. 

"Don't know." 

"And what if she does leave?" 

"Then let it be, okay?" Ross answered, impatience rising again. Keith held his hands up, as if apologising. "It's worth it, man. You don't know her, okay? She's not just... any girl. Have you got any idea for how long I've loved this woman? And how much she gave me? She's the mother of my children and the _only_ person out there who can really touch me, you know? Which, yes, also makes her the one with the greatest power to hurt me, but still..." Dramatic pause "It's worth it, man" 

Keith kept looking at Ross in awe. 

"Whoa.... Hm, okay" 

Keith got up. 

"I'm gonna go and see about that fax" 

He walked up to the door. 

"But, man..." Ross looked at him. "Goodluck with the Mrs." 

The sincerity in Keith's words made Ross smile. 

"Thanks"

* * *

Taking the kids to the movies turned out not to be such a great idea. All the children's movies were not subtitled, but instead spoken in Portuguese. So after the first fifteen minutes Ella was already sound asleep, while Mike looked bored. After the following 15 minutes, they left the theater. 

"Can we have dinner?" 

"Sure, that sounds like a good idea" 

Rachel ruffled Michael's hair, but he shook out of it. 

"Mo-om!" 

Rachel rolled her eyes. 

"Actually..." Ross began, looking down at Ella sleeping on his arms "...I think we should go home. It seems like Ella indeed stayed up late last night waiting for us, she's exausted" 

Rachel looked at them and smiled. It was somehow hard for her to believe she'd been a part of Ella's creation whenever she saw her with Ross. They were so alike... And she loved them so much. She couldn't believe how someone could be so lucky to have such amazing people in her life. Instinctively, she hugged Mike while she watched Ross and Ella. 

But the little boy protested. 

"Mo-om! We're in the middle of the shopping mall!" 

Rachel chuckled and let go of him. 

"Right and you're embarassed to be seen with your old mom, I get it" 

Mike just straightened up his shirt. 

"Can I at least have some ice cream before we leave?" 

"Sure, okay" 

"I'll just sit down with Ella" Ross anounced. 

Rachel watched him leave to the nearest table, while she and Mike reached the ice cream place. There was a long line. 

"Sweetie, stay in line, I'll come over when your time comes up, okay?" 

"Just give me the money" Mike said. 

Rachel shot him a look and chuckled. 

"Will you know what to say?" 

"Will _you_?" 

"Excuse me, I will!" 

Mike shot her a look, but Rachel decided to ignore it. Then she approached the table Ross and Ella were in and sat down. 

"That little dude is getting crabbier by the moment, I'm telling you" 

Ross could easily take a guess to why that was, but decided to hold his peace and just kept on holding his daughter and stroking her hair. Rachel could tell there was something crossing his mind and wanted to tell him about her thoughts to stay. But this just didn't seem like the time. Not at all. She looked at Mike and noticed that the line before him had shortned. He was looking up at the cashier, with his back turned to Ross and Rachel. 

She stood up, but before she could leave, she quickly plated a kiss on Ross' lips, taking him by surprise. She chuckled and approached Mike. 

"Okay, Mikey, what flavour do you want?" 

"Chocolate!" 

"Oh, that's easy, chocolate in Portuguese is chocolate!" she looked down at Mike and smiled. "Just chocolate?" 

"With Vanilla?" 

"Alright, with baunilha!" 

Their turn came and they approached the cashier. 

"Um sorvete de chocolate com baunilha, por favor" 

Rachel looked proud of herself and looked back at the table. However, he found that Ross was not alone. A woman was in the table with him and Ella. 

"No copinho ou casquinha?" 

Rachel turned around, confused, and looked at the cashier. 

"Ah, huh?" she was dazed, lost. 

"Na casquinha comum ou num copinho de plástico?" 

Rachel kept looking at hm with a lost expression. 

Blank.

* * *

I'm sooooooo tired, so pardom my mistakes... Should post another chapter tomorrow (thursday), but then I'll probably spend a while without updating. Sorry! I'm just going away for a few days (really need to!).  
So... reviews, please? ;) 


	18. Chapter 18

**The one to give**  
by Tina

* * *

Rachel was having trouble sleeping that night. As usual now, she was laid in Ross' bed ready to sleep, after making love. He had his arms protectively around her and her cheek rested safely on his chest. Even though she was able to forget all about that evening and the thoughts they rose in her head for a few minutes, she was having trouble keeping them away now. 

_'Rachel, this is Isabella, a friend'_

It seemed like Ross had too many girl-friends these days. Way too many. 

She shook her head slightly. No, she was just under this impression because the female friends were the only ones Rachel paid atention to. Why did they all have to be so beautiful, anyway? 

It didn't matter. 

But still... Rachel couldn't stop thinking about his life after she left. He must've had a lot of girlfriends, huh? She could easily picture him mopping around, depressed, atracting the simpathy of all the women who'd be glad to cheer him up. And of course he'd be in a much better mood. 

And the picture just kept getting uglier and uglier in her imagination. 

Ross kissed the top of her head and started getting up. 

"I'll be right back" 

Rachel pulled away so he could sit up. She looked at his broad back and pondered... How many other women had had the oportunity to interact with him like that? 

He entered the bathroom and Rachel rolled to the other side, closing her eyes. 

Oh, the fear. The very same fear that had made her screw up so many great things she had before. 

She wasn't aware that _fear_ was causing such great discomfort, but still tried to shoosh it away.

* * *

"I can't believe I hadn't thought of this before!" 

Flávia and Rachel were entering a restaurant after leaving the kids to spend a few hours with Flávia's husband, Hugh. 

"Sort of a support group, is it?" Rachel rolled her eyes. 

"Don't mock this, it could work! It's a great idea and you'll see!" 

They reached a table where about five women were sitting, having drinks. 

"Hey girls!" Flávia greeted with them with a broad smile. 

"Tah-tah-tah, em Português!" one of them joked, with a disaproving voice. 

The other girls laughed and Rachel just stood there. 

"No, actually, this is Rachel" The women smiled and waved at Rachel. "She's new. Well, sort of" She laughed and Rachel shot her a look. "Anyway, this is not the point. Bottonline is: English is allowed today so we can all get to know Rachel! Rachel, sit!" 

Rachel's eyes grew wider when everybody looked at her. This was embarassing, but Rachel knew Flávia was just trying to help. 

"Hm, er, hi" she nervously said, followed by a wave of responces. 

"Where are you from?" one of them asked. 

"New York. Originally, Long Island. Then I lived in Manhatan for many years and now I'm back in Long Island" 

"You mean you're not living here?" another woman asked. 

Rachel looked at Flávia, not exactly knowing how to go on. 

"I did, for about a year. Then I moved out and now..." she thought about the way she felt the previous night, but decided to ignore it. "Now I might be coming back" 

"Her husband's working here" Flávia explained. 

"Ex-husband" Rachel corrected her. 

"It can be hard, huh? My husband was also transfered here a couple of years ago and we had some troubles at first, but after a while you just get used to it. We came from London, by the way" which was a given, Rachel thought to herself, because of her heavy accent. 

"Yeah" was all Rachel allowed herself to say. 

"What do you work with?" 

"Fashion. I work at Louis Vuitton back in the states" 

"Willing to give that up to come back?" the voice of the blond haired woman was careful. 

"I might. Hm, so did you guys all moved down here because of your husbands?" 

Among a roar of yes, Rachel spotted one no. 

"I'm the one who got transfered here, actually." 

"And your husband tagged along?" It wasn't untill those words left her mouth that she realised the woman was not wearing a ring. "Oh, sorry" 

"That's okay. Kevin and I split up a couple of months before I came" 

"Oh, so it didn't have anything to do with this?" 

"No, it did" 

"Oh." 

Rachel couldn't help but think of how such thing could break up a marriege before it even begun. A simple thought! Plans that could _"easily"_ be undone. They had sworn they would stand by each's side other through bad and worse, for God's sake! 

But then again... so had she. 

"Don't get me wrong..." she began, as if she could read Rachel's mind "...it's not like we broke up because of _this_. I mean... it all just sort of puts the relationship in prospective, you know? I could easily give up this job to save my marriege. It is, or, well, _was_, more important than my job" 

"Then what happened?" Rachel found herself really curious. 

"It just... didn't feel right knowing that _I_ was willing to give up anything for him and he wouldn't do the same for me. And I know this sounds spiteful and imature, but I just hate it that he was so selfish and couldn't recognise the great chance that was given to me" 

Rachel's insides crumbled and she felt sick. 

That's how Ross must see her... Selfish. 

Lunch was just lovely, despite everything. Rachel got to know all of their stories while they encoraged her to stay. They kept saying great things about Brazil and how you get used to it, you grow to _love_ it. You make new friends, you meet new things, you built a new life. And Rachel herself throught she could use a new life. 

The realisation she had reached, however, didn't leave her mind for one minute. She didn't think it was possible, but now she felt even more guilty than before.

* * *

"Yeah, yeah, dad, go!!" 

When Rachel entered the t.v. room, Mike was cheering as Ross was giving the Playstation a go. Ella was standing near, looking anxious. The minute she looked at the screen, some big monster ate another one and Rachel had to figure out it was Ross', because Mike's cheering got louder. 

"Yay!!" Ella screamed through giggles. 

"Way to go, dad!" 

Mike and Ross high fived. 

"Thank, you, thank you" Ross replied with a quickly inflated ego, which made Rachel chuckle. 

"Yeah, way to teach your kids" she sarcastically said. 

Ross smiled back at her and said nothing in return. 

"Hm, can I talk to you? In private?" she lowered her voice. 

"Yeah, hm, sure" he turned to the kids. "What do you kids wanna do tonight?" 

"Bowling!" Ella shouted. 

Rachel laughed while Ross looked intrigued. 

"That could work" 

"You know she can't even hold the ball off the ground, right?" Rachel commented. 

"Well, she can play with me!" 

"You can't bowl either, Ross" she mocked him in the cutest way someone could be mocked. 

"Hey, I just ate the diamond guard monster!" 

Rachel smiled. 

"Sorry, I forgot we were bowling in the video game" 

"Didn't you want to talk to me?" 

Her smile grew wider at his atempt to change topic. 

"Kids, yeah, just plan the bowling thing, we'll be right back" 

The nanny was still on standby and watched the kids, so Ross and Rachel left to another room. The second Ross closed the door, he turned to Rachel and embraced her into a passionate kiss. Taken aback, she still accepted it gladly. After a while, though, she broke it. 

"Hm, you know..." she was still dazed "...when I said _talk_, hm, for once, I _meant_ talk!" 

"Oh" Ross went bright red and Rachel smiled. "Okay, then" 

Rachel loved how adorable he could get when he was embarassed. She quickly wrapped her arms around him and kissed him again. 

"Hmm, talk, Rachel, focus" 

She laughed. 

"Okay. Hmm..." 

She looked around, not knowing how to begin. She took a deep breath and sat down on the couch. Ross went nervous and uncertainly sat next to her. She looked up at him and he was profoundly scared by her serious expression. Sure, she had just returned a caring gesture of his, but she could still easily be ready to break his heart now. Everything was possible with that woman. 

It couldn't be... 

Ross' heart was pounding like mad. 

"I just..." Rachel didn't know how to start. "Can I ask you something?" 

"Of course" his answer came very quickly. 

"Hm..." slight pause "How many girlfriends have you had since I left?" 

Ross didn't know how to approache the matter. He knew how freaked out Rachel could get over things like this and make a big deal out of them. How could he ever make her see that no one could ever compare to her? And, at the moment, _should_ he make her see that? Because if she was about to leave him again, it was, as Joey would call it, a _moo point_. Did he want her to know how bad he was if they weren't going to be together? Was he going to give her that much information power? 

He took the high road. The safe road. 

"I've just seen two people, a few times" he stopped, trying to read her expression and see if that was enough answer. "Nothing serious, really, just made me realise I was not ready yet" 

"Oh" 

Rachel didn't know what to think. She didn't know why exactly she'd asked him that question, but she had to know. She wanted to know how things were like after she left. And now, on one hand she felt jealous of those two girls who got to be with him. He was hers. However, on the other hand, she felt guilty for screwing him up that bad. He couldn't even be with anyone yet. It was all her fault. How could she claim him hers if she neglected him? 

She was a terrible, _terrible_ person. 

He deserved more. 

She shook her head, trying to prevent tears from forming. She was so angry at herself. She didn't have the right to feel this way. And most importantly, she didn't have the right to drag him into something that she just _knew_ she was going to screw up, eventually. He was so right when he told her that, before. So, _so_ right... 'He's always right', she thought. 

And she was selfish enough to keep going. 

'Just two days and a half to go now. I should at least enjoy the mess that has already been done!' 

If she was already labeled as "selfish", she could aswell just make use of the title and be it. 

And with that, she threw her arms around him and kissed him full on the lips. Ross was rather confused, but didn't protest. 

Rachel was now almost sure she'd be leaving in a few days in order to keep herself from hurting him again. She loved him too much and guilt was already eating her alive. Meanwhile, Ross held her almost so sure that this was the beginning of their happy ending. 

Oh, the lack of comunication...

* * *

Yeah, I don't know, sorry :) I had to add this to start unravelling the end. Yeah, sad, isn't it? We're still gonna have many chapters to come, but I gotta stick to my plan! I kinda like this fic and all, but I can't keep writing it forever! I have strict structure rules, I'm such a perfectionist sometimes :)  
Thanks for the great reviews!! And sorry for last chapter, kinda. I was feeling really sick and wanted to post it ASAP really bad! Now, tomorrow I'm leaving town for a few days, so no update. I'll probably be back on tuesday though, it'll give me time to think ;) Please leave more reviews, I like knowing how you're following this :) 


	19. Chapter 19

**The one to give**  
by Tina

* * *

Ella's soft breathing soon became steady. Her eyelids had long rested shut for the night, but Ross couldn't stop reading the story with the same heart felt tone. It wasn't untill the last few verses that he allowed himself to stop. 

_"I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."_

He shut the book and stared at his child. So beautiful. 

He brushed a hand softly through her dark hair and leaned closer. Planted a tender kiss on her forehead and sighed. Laid down next to his little angel and wrapped one arm carefully around her. 

That friday night came too soon. But when Ross thought about everything that had happened on the last few days, it seemed like a century since they had arrived. But clearily, a centure just wasn't enough. 

This was it, he had to confront Rachel now. Or... did he? They still had saturday... 

He kissed Ella's forehead one more time and prayed she'd still be there for many nights to come. 

"What took you so long?" Rachel was already waiting, spread in his bed with the t.v. on. She greeted him, with a broad smile. "Did the kids give you a hard time?" 

Ross smiled weakly and sat down on the edge, looking at the t.v.. 

"No, no... I just couldn't get myself out of there, you know?" 

The emotional weight of his words seemed to have been loaded on Rachel's conscience. She crawled across the bed and hugged him from behind. 

"I know, they're wonderful kids..." 

She kissed his neck and rested her chin on his shoulder, wrapping her arms around him. He caressed them gently while his gaze fell on the t.v.. His mind, however, was focused anywhere but there. 

"Rach?" 

"Yeah?" 

He kissed her left forearm. 

"Can I ask you something?" 

She froze. There was so much to ask...! 

"Okay" 

He could sense the fear in her voice and looked down. Gently, he made her let go of him and turned around to face her. 

"How come you don't see the guys anymore?" 

Rachel quickly looked down and kept her sight low. How could she explain something she didn't quite understand herself? 

"I..." as she began, her voice was too weak. "I don't know" 

He looked down aswell. 

"I just... I knew I let them down" 

Ross quickly looked up at her, confused. Rachel was too uncomfortable. She couldn't figure out a way of saying exactly what she had just thought of because it would bring up matters she didn't want to discuss with him just yet. Not when it could be the last time they shared such intimate moments. 

"I..." she finally looked back into his eyes and trailed off. 

He deserved answers. But they needed a proper goodbye. 

She held his hand. 

"Can we talk about this tomorrow?" Ross looked down, but she quickly picked up his chin and kissed his cheek provocatively, keeping her face close to his. "I can think of other things we can do while the kids are sleeping" she whispered into his ear and nibbled his ear lobe. 

_'Not fair!'_ Ross thought to himself. 

She knew too well how to seduce him yet one more time. And so she did, prepared to think of it as the last time they'd ever be together. 

Ross once more let himself be carried by the moment. Once, twice, the millionth time,... What difference woud it make now? 

Even though they'd done this many times, it always seemed different. But it was the familiar feeling Rachel wanted to capture and keep safe in her memory. The way their skin felt on each other's, his lips, his tongue. 

His soft voice in her ears. 

"Remember the cranapple juice?" 

The way she giggled at the memory of their first time. How easy it was to giggle in his arms, how many great times they'd shared. The way she could hear her own voice quickly turning from girlish giggles to sensual moans. 

It was so natural the way she let herself go with him. No games, no trying too hard. He had a talent to make her feel that way, to make her smile genuinelly and make her laugh as if everything was okay, even through the hardest of the days. 

The way just about... everything... happened.

* * *

Sunny saturday morning, sure enough the beaches were full. Walking along the coast, Ross and Rachel had one eye trying to spot a nice place to settle and another watching the kids, a few steps ahead. Ella tugged hard to Mike's little hand and he didn't seem to mind. The little girl, however, was having trouble keeping up with her brother's speed. 

"Mike, there's no need to hurry!" Rachel shouted. 

Mike merely turned his head around to look at his mother. His steps mantained a quick pace and Rachel sighed. 

"I don't know what to do with him, anymore" 

"Mike, calm down, will you?" Ross took a shot. 

Again, the little boy turned his head around. This time, however, he slowed down. Rachel sighed once again, frustrated. It was like both Ross and Mike had a point and this was their way or showing it. 

Ross' stare was fixated on his children's linked hands. Imediately, he brushed the back of his to Rachel's. They rubbed gently a few times, softly and playfully. But when he reached out to hold it, she pulled away. 

"There's a nice spot right there" her voice sounded urgent. 

"Actually, those guys are playing footvolley right there, the kids might get hit" Ross pointed it out and they kept walking. 

Uncentain and bothered by Rachel's responce to his gesture, Ross looked around. Families, couples, flirts... 

_'If you don't do anything, she will leave tomorrow'_

Ross walked closer to her and wrapped one arm around her waist. Rachel quickly looked at him surprised and took it off. She eyed him with annoyance in her eyes and motioned to the kids. 

"Not here!" 

Rachel's voice was so short and cold. Ross just stared at her, not wanting to believe his dream was really coming to an end. 

"There's- there's a nice place there" 

He started walking down his way to the place he'd spot. On the way there, he carried both kids on his arms, through squeals and giggles. Rachel had to brush away the tears from her eyes, which mixed with her sweat and the saltiness of the air. Her eyes stung even more, which caused them to water up again. So she just allowed herself to stand by and watch them from a good distance. 

She didn't want him to think she was doing this for herself. She was doing this for him. Was he ever going to see that? 

She sat down on a concrete bench and watched them. Even though Ross was smiling, playing with Ella and Mike, she knew just how much she'd hurt him. She'd just told him she was leaving him again and she didn't have to use words to do so.

* * *

Rachel opened Mike's wardrobe and pulled his suitcase from it. Having just finished packing her own bags and Ella's, Mike's were the only ones left. She set it on the bed and opened it. Back anf forth from the wardrobe to the bed, she got all of his clothes neatly folded inside. Later, she'd have him pick a few things he could bring with him. Not too many though. 

Most of it had to stay behind. 

It ached Rachel to realise Mike was not just leaving a fancy life and expensive toys. He was leaving possibly the most important person in his life. 

To her great misfortune, her son entered the bedroom the exact moment she colapsed on the bed, both physical and emotionally exausted, closely followed by Ross. The later, quickly froze and stood by the door when he noticed what was happening. Mike also froze, but wore an angry expression himself. 

"Hey Mike" Rachel smiled as much as she could. "C'mon, I guess you can pick up a few things to take with you. Maybe a soccer ball and that puzzle you and Ella were making the other day?" 

"I don't wanna go!" 

Rachel looked down. 

"I'm sorry sweetie, but we all agreed we were leaving after two weeks, didn't we? That's tomorrow" 

"I don't care, I wanna stay here with dad!" 

Rachel quickly looked at Ross, but couldn't handle the guilt and pain it took. 

"I'm sorry Mike, you don't have much of a choice" 

"I do, he's my dad, he'll take me! Won't you, dad?" 

Ross was cornered. 

"Mike, I-" 

"No Mike, you're going where I'm going!" Rachel cut Ross before he could get the chance to take her baby away. For some reason, she was now filled with builting rage 

"Then stay too, mom!" 

"Mike, I'm not saying this again, we're going tomorrow. Period!" 

Mike stared at his mother. 

"You're selfish!" 

"What? Watch your tone and your mouth, young man!" 

"I don't care, you _are_ selfish! I want to stay here with my father!" 

"You don't get to choose, Mike!" 

"You don't love me, why would you want to keep me?" 

"What? Of course I love you, Mike!" 

"No, you, don't! If you did, you'd do what's best for me!" 

Rachel knelt down. It was unbearable knowing nobody noticed she was doing this just because she loved them all too much 

"Listen to me. I'm doing what's best for _everyone_, okay?" 

Ross looked down. 

"I'm doing this because I _do_ love you, Mike. More than you'll ever know!" Rachel stroked Mike's hair. The little boy still looked pouty and frustrated. "Okay?" 

Mike crossed his arms and ran up to his bed. He laid down and turned to face the wall on the opposite side. Both his parents watched his back for a while. 

"Rachel, hm, can I talk to you?" 

Rachel looked up at Ross, scared. 

"Okay" 

They left to the livingroom.

* * *

Sorry to leave at this point, but...! I'll ty to get the next chapter soon, but I can't promise anything. Tons of things getting in the way here! Please, reviews are very much welcome! :) 


	20. Chapter 20

**The one to give**  
by Tina

* * *

Rachel could feel her hands trembling softly, her palms sweating. Her heart was pouding like mad and when they reached the livingroom she couldn't stop shifting her body from one side to the other, unpatient. She looked up at Ross and saw the already devastated expression he wore. 

"So..." he began "I guess you're really leaving again, huh?" 

She didn't know what to say. She figured she should have some speech prepared about how this was for the best and he'd agree... they'd hug and say they wished all the best for the other. 

But... this was not at all what was about to happen. She had no speech and she knew she couldn't wish him all the best when leaving him was tearing her apart! She never wanted him to be with anyone else, but couldn't be the one to hurt him again. 

"Yes" she mumbled. 

They looked at each other and he sighed, chucking, almost sarcastic. 'How could I let myself be fooled', it clearily said. Rachel looked down as Ross paced around. 

"Right, right...!" 

Rachel's temper was being quickly teased by his tone. 

"We've never agreed on anything, Ross, I never said I'd stay!" 

"Did I say you did?" he shot her a look. "I'm just finding extremely ridiculous what just happened between us, then! Two people on their late thirties, divorced, two kids, sleeping around just for the sake of it!" 

Rachel didn't know what reaction she should let speak louder. 

_Ridiculous?!_

Ross knew he was being unfair, she didn't exactly lure him into bed. He had fallen because he wanted to and he knew this was a likely possibility all along. But it hurt too much. And Mike's reaction had stirred up so much in him. 

But... how was hurting her going to help? Would it really make him feel better? 

He looked down, ashamed. He should just let it go. If anything, reacting like this would only make things worse. 

He turned around and sighed, massaging his temples. 

"You know what, nevermind. I'm sorry, I'm just upset over Mike" 

Ross turned around and saw Rachel looking at him with still angry eyes, obviously still hurt by his words. How could he call her love for him ridiculous? Her atempt to keep herself from hurting him again? 

To hell with it, now she _wanted_ to hurt him. 

"Well, stop it, I'm his mother, I know what's best for him!" her stare kept fixated on his and she sighed and chuckled much like he'd done earlier. "He's not even your son!" 

Ross looked up at her and couldn't believe what she'd just said. Not in the many years since Mike had been born had she ever said such thing to him. 

"You promised me you were never going to say that" 

"Well, it's truth, isn't it?" she looked as if she was enjoying watching the painful look on his eyes. 

"No, it's not!" he raised his voice, but was extremely discoraged to fight back by her cold expression and the insecurity rising in his heart. There was always a part of him that feared she'd end up throwing that to his face. "Screw you, Rachel..." 

He turned around and left the room. 

Alone in his room, Ross slammed the door and sat down on the bed. He raised his hands to his face and tearlessly sobbed and shaked. 

_'She didn't mean that, she didn't mean that! He's my son and no one can take him from me!'_

He let him mind take him to years ago, where he'd hopefully regaign the reassurance he needed. 

_ Ross was sitting down on the couch, tired from restlessly wandering around his livingroom the past few minutes. He could not quite figure out what he was feeling, but it was too much. He got up once again and paced around some more. He couldn't stand still. It was like he had to catch up with the thoughts in his head. _

She was pregnant?? 

He knew the way he left Monica and Chandler's apartment clearily showed how upset he was about this, but he didn't have space in his mind at the moment to care. 

Who was the father? When did that happen? Had he lost her forever?? 

Those questions seemed much more important at the time. 

The door to his apartment opened and he quickly turned around. Rachel stood there, concern and sadness clear in her eyes. 

"Ross... hm, can we talk?" 

He kept looking at her and didn't know how to react. Why had she chased after him, what did she have to tell him now? 

It shouldn't be a big deal, after all, right? They hadn't been a couple for too long, he knew she'd eventually meet somebody else and have her own life! But it still terrified him. It made things even harder. It killed the little hope inside of him that they'd one day be together again... maybe... 

"Yeah, okay" was all he could manage to say. 

They sat down on the couch, together. Looking closer, he saw tears in her eyes. 

"I... I just want you to know, I..." she trailed off, not knowing how to say it. "This was not meant to happen, Ross. I'm not with anyone, I..." 

She broke down in tears and Ross didn't know what to say. Why was she telling him that? Did she really care about what he thought about this whole thing?? Why, _why_ did she care? 

"Who's the father?" he couldn't believe how bluntly he'd said those words. 

Her eyes were fixated on the floor for a long time. 

"I... We're not together, Ross, it was just a one night thing" she sobbed and looked up at him. "It was stupid and not meant to happen, I..." she kept looking at him for a long time as silent tears rolled down her cheek. He too was getting teary eyed and it was like he could feel what she was feeling, just looking into her eyes. She swallowed hard and grabbed one of his hands. "Can I ask you something?" 

"Yeah" he whispered. 

"Do you ever think about us?" 

Ross was taken aback by the question. 

"Yes" he quickly answered, nonetheless. "A lot" 

Rachel smiled and, without thinking, leaned closer and kissed him. She held the sides of his face and he couldn't help but sink in. When they broke, she kept her eyes closed, savouring the feeling and Ross watched her. As much as he enjoyed it, he had to make sure why she had done it. 

"What-what's going on, Rachel? Why are you doing this?" 

"Because I'm tired of doing the wrong thing, Ross." he could feel the honesty in her words and it softened him up. "This whole thing just made me think about how much time we've wasted here. This is the only thing that makes sense to me! It's always been you, Ross!" 

He hugged her and let her rest on his chest. He stroked her back and thought... She was pregnant with another man's baby, saying she wanted to be with him. What was he to do? 

Hell, he loved her. 

He kissed the top of her head. 

"So you wanna... get back together?" 

She broke the hug to look up at him and nodded. 

"Yes" 

"Rach, I need to know you're not doing this just because-" 

"I'm doing this because I love you, Ross" she broke him. "'Cause this was like a wake up call to me." 

"And this guy-" 

"It's just some random, guy, Ross" she cut him again. "I barely even know him, it was a stupid thing I did, but now..." her eyes filled up with tears again. "I'm pregnant" she shrugged. "And I wanna start doing the right thing, for once, you know? Do the right thing for me and my baby" 

A long silence followed. 

"So the only question is... are you willing to take the both of us into your life?" 

He stroked her hair. If anyone had told him 24 hours before that would be happening, he certainly wouldn't believe it. 

"Of course, Rach... I'm sure I'll love this baby as if it was my own" 

She smiled at him. She knew he would. 

Ross looked up and sighed. Yes, Mike was his son. He'd watched him grow, bathed him, changed diapers, taken care of him when he was sick... 

No one would ever change that. 

Right?

* * *

Rachel was still shaky herself, in the livingroom. She'd regret saying it the moment Ross stormed out. She knew there was nothing else in this world she could say that would hurt him as much as that statement did. Specially 'cause, no matter what, Mike _was_ his son! DNA was nothing compared to his years of dedication. 

But Ross was insecure about that, she knew it. She knew how much he wished Mike was indeed his. She knew it because she could seee how different it was when it came to Ella. The sparkle in his eyes when he found out she was finally having his baby. 

And there was always this part of him, she could tell, that feared she'd take him away. That would say he had no rights over him. Specially after the divorce. 

She turned around and walked towards his room, she had to go talk to him. She had crossed the line. As Joey would say, the line was a dot to her! 

When she did so, however, she faced something she didn't quite expect. One of Mike's toys rested on the floor, as if it's been dropped there. She could swear it wasn't there just minutes ago. And by realising that, she froze. No, it couldn't be! 

"Mike?? Mike????" 

Rachel ran into his bedroom and found it empty. 

"Oh, shit!" 

She ran into all rooms she could find, opening the doorknob with shaky hands, being taken over by overwhelming panic. 

"Mike?? This is not funny, sweetie, where are you??" 

"Mommy?" 

Rachel turned around and found a sleepy looking Ella standing by the door to her bedroom. 

"Sweetie, have you seen your brother?" 

"Noooo..." 

"Okay, go back to sleep, won't you? We're gonna have a full day tomorrow" 

"What's going on? Where's Mike?" Ella looked worried. 

"Go back to sleep, Ella" 

Rachel rushed downstairs to check the first floor of the penthouse and left her daughter confused. 

"Mike???" 

She entered the kitchen, the laudry room, the maid's suites. No sign of her son. 

Re-entering the kitchen, she faced a worried Ross and startled. 

"What's going on?", he asked. 

A lump formed in her throat and her eyes filled up with tears. 

"I can't find Mike. I think he overheard us" 

Ross stared at her. 

"What?!"

* * *

Before you guys say this is really soapy, I wanna say this is something I've been planning since the beginning! Check out the first few chapters and you'll see I've left little clues to the fact Mike's not Ross' son! If you don't like it... well, too bad! haha  
This is it for now! I've been really busy and stuff, but I wanna finish this soon to start a new fic! And now I'm a good girl, I just start fics after I finish old ones! Yeah ;) Hm... reviews?? Puh-lease? ;) 


	21. Chapter 21

**The one to give**  
by Tina

* * *

"What?!" 

Ross' mind raced. Mike knew? How could this happen? And where was he?? By the look on Rachel's face, this was really serious. He looked around and found the kitchen door ajar. His jaws dropped down and he ran out. As he stepped outside the hall, he realised Rachel had followed him. 

"You go down and I'll go up!" 

"No, Rachel, you stay!" 

"No-n-no, Mike, w-we got- got to find him, I-" 

Ross held her by her arms and tried to snap her from her histerical state. His voice was steady, calm and soothing. 

"Listen, I'll go and find him. You stay and look around carefully, okay? Ella's really scared too, you must stay here with her, okay?" 

Rachel nodded after a while, slightly and quickly. 

"Hm, okay" 

He let go of her and turned to look down the stairs, the way he figured Mike must'd taken. 

"Find our son, Ross" 

He turned around quickly, surprised. Rachel had a haunted look in her eyes, it terrified him to his very soul. 

_Their_ son. 

"I will" 

She watched as he turned around again and left down the stairs, calling out for Mike. Her sight lowered to the ground and she took a deep breath. This was so typical of Mike. He always disappeared sometimes, as if trying to test them, she figured. Or maybe he just wanted to be alone for a while. She hoped Ross would find him. He had to! But then again, even if he did... Rachel knew the bigger damage would most likely be if Mike had indeed overheard their argument. 

Even though there was nothing in this world that would make Mike stop loving Ross, she knew this could still cause big damage. Ross was always so weird about it, now Rachel knew why. Many times he'd told her about his fear of Mike rejecting him as a daddy if he knew, wanting to know his real father and ending up loving him more. She always thought it was ridiculous. But now... she understood. 

On the stairs, Ross reached the ground level and still no sign of Mike. Had he by any chance gone inside an apartment? He decided to check the ground level first. His eyes quickly ran across the pool deck, the tennis court and the path leading outside. 

"Mike?? Come on, son, let's go upstairs and talk! Mike?" 

He reached up the entrance and asked the bellman if he knew of Mike's where-abouts. After a negative response, he continued his search. 

It'd happened. The thing he feared the most had happened. Sure he always thought the right thing to do was to tell Mike the truth. He always thought unlegitimate children too should know about their past. Maybe this way they'd understand really just how much their parents loved them. And not just 'cause they had to. 

But... he couldn't. He claimed he feared Mike wouldn't understand, and that was true. But the main reason happened to be that Ross really, _really_ wished Mike was his. And even though it didn't make much sense, he always thought that by keeping it a secret, it would happen. 

Or at least it would keep him closer to it. 

To everybody's eyes, it was him who'd been with Rachel and blended his traces with hers. It was his last name in Mike's birth certificate after all, wasn't it? It was he who instructed Rachel to push, who cut the umbelical chord and taught him how to use a spoon. 

He wished Mike would remember that. 

If he could find Mike... 

Ross was getting desperate. He was running around now, crying out louder. 

About an hour later, he gave up and went upstairs. Rachel opened the door for him. 

"And??" 

"I'm calling the cops!" 

Rachel's expression looked even worse. 

"What?" 

"I can't find him!!" Ross shouted. 

"Oh my God" 

Rachel sat down on a chair and let her tears run free. Ross eyed her as he took the phone and brushed tears away. She didn't even notice as he left the room holding the phone. She just rested her face in her hands and cried non-stop. 

This couldn't be happening. 

When she finally calmed down enough, she got up and looked around for Ross. She heard noises coming from his room and stood by the half open door. Peeking inside, she saw Ross crying on his bed. Ella was moving closer to him, curious and sympathetic. Rachel had never seen such beautiful expression in her daughter's face. 

Ross seemed to be oblivious to his daughter's presence. He kept on crying and was surprised by Ella's touch. She stroke his arm and he looked down at her. 

"Are you okay, daddy?" 

Ross didn't know what to say. After so much time of loneliness, he'd forgotten what it was like to have someone around when you needed them. A friendly face through dark times, a shoulder to cry on. Eyes that could quickly comfort him. Specially such beautiful eyes of such a beautiful little girl. 

Everything was so surreal. Ella looked like an angel. 

"Oh, sweetie..." 

Ross brushed his tears away and Ella hugged him. He was taken aback, but gladly hugger her back, bringing her to sit on his lap. Ella stroked her father's hair and whispered. 

"It's gonna be okay, daddy" 

Rachel was breathless and her tears ran free, more than ever. How did Ella know just what to say? 

What a truly beautiful scene. 

She looked down, so low... This was all her fault. She pressed her back against the wall and slid down. 

Minutes later, Ross stepped outside and faced her. He looked back into his room, where Ella was now trying to sleep in his bed and closed the door. Rachel looked up at him in time to see him kneeling down next to her. 

"What did they say?" she asked. 

Ross looked down. 

"Nothing they can do so far, we have to wait a little longer" 

He looked surprisingly calm, but Rachel knew he was just mantaining such position to keep her from panicking. And she loved him for that. 

"What are we gonna do??" 

"I've just called Hugh and Flávia, they're on their way over. We're gonna look some more and we're gonna find him, alright?" Rachel just nodded, still frightened. "Have you checked the whole house?" 

"Yes. I- I think so" 

"Okay, we can check again. C'mon" 

He stood up and offered a hand to help her up. She hesistated, then looked down. 

Should she tell him? Finally? 

It could make him feel better. Or maybe worse. 

"I have to tell you something" 

He looked down at her and, after a while, nodded. 

"Okay" 

With that, he knelt down next to her again. 

She looked down and up at him again, not knowing how to say it. 

"The night... I got pregnant with Mike..." her voice was shaky. Ross looked down and Rachel got his hand. He looked up at her again and she went on "...The guy I, I slept with..." she bite her lower lip and kept watching Ross, who looked a bit curious himself. Even though it hurt, sometimes he couldn't help but wonder. "It was Patrick. Hm, you know, your- your old neighbour." 

Ross didn't know what to think. He looked around and then back at Rachel. When he spoke, his voice came as a whisper. 

"Wow, what-" 

"I was looking for you" she cut him. 

He stared at her. 

"What?" 

"That night, I... I was looking for you. And- and you weren't home" 

"So you... you slept with my neighbour?" 

"I was devastated that night, Ross, I just-" 

"Wanted someone to fuck you to consolate you?? Is that why Mike was born?" 

He stood up. It seemed like a silly reason why his son ended up being born. He deserved more! 

And also... _it could had been him. _

"No, Ross!" her voice was firm. "I was looking for you, not for anyone" 

"But clearily _anyone_ did it!" 

Rachel stood up aswell. 

"I was looking for you because I knew you would make me feel better. You always did, Ross. You just had to look at me and I felt better! I went in there 'cause I wanted to talk, because I missed you! I had already realised I loved you, Monica's wedding plans made me see that! But when I went into your builting and saw you weren't there, I knew I'd lost you! I knew you were off in a date with someone else... Even if you weren't, it didn't matter, 'cause I thought you didn't love me anymore! So I freaked out, okay?? I was lonely and I was sad. And yes, I did something stupid. But I don't regred it, 'cause I got Mike out of it! And of course, I wish he'd been concieved in a much better way, but it's in the past now! What matters is that we love him and we- we have to find him, Ross..." she was hysterical again "...and- and tell him we love him and that he's your son. He's your son, isn't he, Ross?" 

Ross was overwhelmed with so much information. He couldn't help but wrap his arms around Rachel and calm her down. 

"Of course he is. And we're gonna find him, okay? He can't be too far, he can't get out of the builting" 

Rachel kept on crying on his shoulder and he softly rocked her. 

Talk about two eventful weeks... 

Instinctively, he kissed the top of her head. 

"It's gonna be okay..."

* * *

Yeah, sappy, I know...!  
Replying a few reviews here ;) First, to the annonimous reader... I soooo know what you mean. I also think I'm putting obstacles all over the place here, too much for my taste, really. That was not what I had in mind when I started. But I also didn't want things to be too easy. I'm sort of basing this on personal experiences (though nothing of this kind has ever happened to me, haha!), the whole confusion thing...! As it turns out, it's hard to put into words!  
As for the whole Mike thing, I had planned that since the conception of the fic, so I couldn't leave it aside.  
Which brings me to a point brought up by Existaris.. See, I understand getting pregnant from a one night stand is very unlikely, specially with protection. But I am using the ideas from the show! I'm just making it another guy, not Ross.  
For the other reviewers: mwah, thank you :) See ya next chapter :) Reviews? Still welcome! 


	22. Chapter 22

The one to give

by Tina  
  
----------------  
  
Flávia crossed the livingroom holding a cup of tea and handed it to Rachel, as Ross had instructed her to do. While he and Hugh were still out looking for Mike, her job was to make sure Rachel stayed in and, possibly, calm. The way Ross' eyes were so filled with concern touched Flávia deeply, but the soft impersonality it countained also showed her Rachel had not talked to him about her idea of staying. The past few days Rachel had not mentioned anything about it to her, so now she was beginning to suspect something went wrong.  
  
"Drink this, it's gonna make you feel better"  
  
Rachel looked away from the window and her blank expression was terrifying.  
  
"Thanks"  
  
"Don't worry, Rach, they'll find him in a sec. Kids do that sometimes. Have I ever told you about the time Katie packed a little bag, told Lisa she was moving and just left? It was not for about three hours she came back saying there were too many ants behind the deck"  
  
Rachel smiled weakly, but wasn't too comforted. There was still much to come. Yet, having a friendly face putting so much effort on trying to make her feel better already helped.  
  
"Thanks for coming over, Flávia"  
  
"That's what friends are for"  
  
Only Rachel had forgotten what friends were for. She never saw hers anymore...  
  
"Can I ask you something?"  
  
Rachel looked back up at Flávia. Why did people always have something to ask her?! Well, yeah, probably because those days she always kept so much to herself...  
  
"Sure"  
  
"Have you, hm, talked to Ross about staying?"  
  
Rachel looked out the window again. Partly hoping to catch of glimpse of Mike wandering around. Partly simply to avoid looking at Flávia's disapointed gaze.  
  
"No"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"'Cause I've decided to leave"  
  
"But why?"  
  
"Because...!"  
  
Rachel was frustrated. She always had to explain. It made sense for her, but it seemed like no one else ever got it. No one ever got her. And now her son was missing, there was so much going on she felt like she could explode. Her eyes filled up with tears and she couldn't take it anymore. Once again, she broke down in tears.  
  
"Because I don't want to hurt him, Flávia! And I don't wanna put my kids through this again. They all deserve better. I've been a terrible person to these people and I don't wanna risk ruining this again, it hurts too much. I'm doing this for them. I know Ross will find someone good, who's not as messed up as I am. He doesn't need me here to make him go through that hell again!"  
  
"So you're telling me you're doing this for him?"  
  
"Of course! Or do you think I'd hurt myself like this voluntarily?"  
  
"But Rachel... Don't you think this is up to him? If you love him and he loves you and wants to give this a shot, let him! If it doesn't work out, it's not your fault! Try! That's the best you can do! Other than that, he has the risk of getting hurt by any other woman he meets! But if he wants to be with you, then this is your chance. Do it, Rachel"  
  
Not knowing what to say to that, Rachel finally sipped her tea.  
  
And the words sunk.  
  
--------------------------  
  
Ross entered the 2nd floor of the garage and kept looking around. Most of the spots were occupied by their respective cars, so it was hard for Ross to check whether Mike was around. It didn't take him too long to get a hint of him though. After a couple of minutes, he could hear sobs coming from behind one of his own cars. Relief washed over him, but it was quickly replaced by a sudden panic. What was he going to tell him?  
  
By the muffed sounds he could hear, his son was clearily crying. Ross too had tears in his eyes, though they were now happy tears.  
  
He recomposed himself and tried to think of what to tell Mike. He'd have to be honest, Mike would take it. He had to.  
  
And so he approached the car and peeked on the corner. Sure enough he was there, sitting on the floor, looking up straight at him. For a moment, Ross didn't say a thing. They just kept eye contact.  
  
Simpathetic, understanding.  
  
"Boy, you've sure given your mother and me a scare"  
  
Mike didn't respond. Ross sighed and approached him.  
  
"C'mon, buddy, let's go home"  
  
"Is it truth?"  
  
Playing games wouldn't be at all helpful, Ross knew. He disserted.  
  
"No" Mike looked surprised. "You are my son, Mike" Mike smiled and Ross smiled back. But after a painful breath, he went on "But I am not the man who got your mom pregnant"  
  
Mike's expression turned confused.  
  
"But how-"  
  
Ross cut him.  
  
"I am your father, Mike, because I'm the one who took care of you through all of these years, okay? Nothing else matters here. I mean, aren't fathers those who are there for you, who watch for you, provide you everything you need, who would die for you??" Ross stroked Mike's hair with extremely teary eyes "That's me, buddy. And no one will ever be able to take you from me, okay? Ever! It doesn't matter if you go and live in another country with your mom or if she marries someone else. I'll be there for you either way"  
  
"But I don't want to!"  
  
Ross was stunned. What had he just said?  
  
"You- you don't want me to go after you?"  
  
"No, I don't want to live in another country, dad"  
  
"Oh"  
  
"I want to stay"  
  
Ross finally hugged Mike.  
  
"I wish you could stay too, son. But your mother wants to go and I think it's fair for us to let her do what she thinks it's best. We can't force her into anything, sweetie. It'll only make things worse"  
  
"Do you miss me, dad?"  
  
"Oh, Mike, of course I do. Very-very much"  
  
"I miss you too"  
  
Ross hugged Mike tighter. The dark sport on the botton of his heart that always felt so insecure Mike would resent him had faded. Finally.  
  
"How about this..." Ross broke the hug to look at Mike. "I'll come with you"  
  
Mike smiled.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'll come back to New York with you"  
  
-----------------------------  
  
About an hour later, Mike was drifting off to sleep on his bed. Rachel laid next to him, stroking his hair, cherishing her son. She couldn't take her eyes off of him. She couldn't believe how beautiful he was and how much she loved. What would she ever do without him? She didn't even want to think about what would be of her if something...  
  
No, better not think about it. Everything was alright. There he was, safe, not a single scrap to tell a story. Rachel thanked Ross in her head. He always kept his promises. He was always there to look after them and make things better. Well, when she let him, anyway...  
  
And the best thing about this was the surprising smile Mike wore. Even then, as they laid on bed together, Mike's teeth were bear and Rachel could spot the adorable way his cheeks formed dimples when contracted.  
  
"What's so funny?" she whispered.  
  
Mike's eyelids were looking as if they were getting heavier.  
  
"It's dad"  
  
"What about dad?" Rachel smiled at the sound of Mike still calling Ross dad.  
  
"He said he's coming with us"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Yeah"  
  
Mike finally closed his eyes for the night.  
  
Rachel stayed in there for a few more minutes, thinking. Why exactly was Ross doing that? Was he leaving to really just be with their kids or was he maybe hoping... for more? He probably was doing this for the kids, she figured. But either way, she had to talk to him. 'Cause if there was still hope for them, now she had to-  
  
She kissed Mike's hair softly and left the room.  
  
Ross was in the kitchen, getting a glass of water.  
  
"Is he asleep?" he asked the minute she walked in.  
  
"Yeah, he was pretty tired"  
  
"He sure gave us a scare, huh?"  
  
"Tell me about it..."  
  
Ross set his glass down and started leaving.  
  
"Should I let Ella sleep in my room or do you want me to-"  
  
"No, that's okay, leave her there"  
  
"Okay, goodnight then"  
  
"Wait, Ross"  
  
He turned around.  
  
"What?"  
  
"About earlier..."  
  
He cut her.  
  
"That's- that's fine, Rachel"  
  
"I didn't mean any of that. I've just... been very... confused, you know?"  
  
"Right. No, it's- it's okay. Really." But Rachel could see in his eyes that it was not okay. Her departure was still hurting him. "I'm sorry about what I said too"  
  
"I deserved it"  
  
Silence followed and just when Rachel sensed Ross was about to say goodnight again, she went on.  
  
"So, Mike told me you told him you were moving back to New York"  
  
"Yeah, I... I just really wanna be around them more, you know? The past few weeks showed me I'm missing out on too much, you know? I really miss these kids and now I don't think I can go by without having them around all the time, anymore. I mean, it probably won't be like the past few days, but still..."  
  
Now, say it!  
  
"Ross, hm, sit down, please, we need to talk"  
  
He raised his eyebrows softly, surprised.  
  
"Okay"  
  
They sat down on the kitchen table and Rachel took a deep breath. This is it. Time to be honest, Finally. Time to tell him everything.  
  
"I'm sorry"  
  
Her eyes were big and honest. Her voice soft and emotional.  
  
He knew just what she was talking about. She was talking about the short words, the lack of sentiments. The games, the mood swings, the 'I love you's then 'I hate you's. And so much more over the last few years.  
  
He just nodded.  
  
"I've been confused and I've been scared and I've ruined our marriege. And, and not just that... I come here and I- I put ourselves through this again, I..." He looked down and she brushed one tear away. "I just want you to know... I didn't intend to do this and hurt you again. In fact, I tried to fight it at first, I did, but..." she trailed off. "And then I thought about staying"  
  
He looked up at her.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Yeah, I was going to stay. I even had a few Portuguese classes with Flávia again" Ross just watched her, surprised. "I just changed my mind because... I thought about what you said and I thought you were right."  
  
"Wait, wait. What did I say?"  
  
"That I was going to mess this up again"  
  
She brushed away more tears.  
  
"Oh, Rach, I-"  
  
"No, it's okay, you' were right to say this. I always do it, what would make you think I wouldn't do it again, right?"  
  
"That's not truth. Before any of this happened, we were- we were great..."  
  
Rachel was in silence for a while, recollecting.  
  
"And also... I thought about how you must see me. How selfish you must think I am"  
  
"Rach-"  
  
"No, let me finish" He relutanctively nodded. "I went to lunch with Flávia's old students and one of them told me about how she left her husband because he couldn't move away for her. She said it showed her he just couldn't see how important this was to her and that if he wasn't willing to sacrifice for her, then she shouldn't sacrifice for him. See, this is the same thing, Ross."  
  
"It's not, Rachel and you know it. See... yes, a lot of messed up things happened and I should've been more understanding too, I-"  
  
Rachel put a hand on his forearm.  
  
"No, you were great"  
  
"No, Rach... You were pregnant. You were emotional and stressed and I can't believe I asked so much from you then. You were already going through so much and then moving to another country, having to leave your family and friends and career behind..."  
  
"But I didn't try, Ross"  
  
"You came, didn't you?"  
  
"But then I just gave up."  
  
"I shouldn't have brought you here"  
  
Ross looked down and massaged his temples. Things would've been so different if...  
  
Rachel finally smiled.  
  
"Look at us... First we blame each other and now we're blaming ourselves"  
  
Ross looked up at her.  
  
"Sometimes it seems like placing the blame is all I do. But it- it doesn't change anything"  
  
"It really doesn't"  
  
They kept looking at each other for a long time. Rachel realised she still had a hand on his arm and tenderly stroked it. He looked down at his arm and then back at Rachel.  
  
"I'm staying"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Don't go to New York. I'll come here"  
  
"Are you serious?"  
  
"Yes"  
  
"But, Rachel, I've told Mike, I can-"  
  
"No. I know you can sacrifice for me. And I want you to know I can do the same for you."  
  
"Rach, you don't have to prove me anything"  
  
"Yes, I do." Ross sighed, not believing his ears. "Besides-" she shrugged "I guess I can get used to this again" She looked around and Ross smiled. "The beaches, the house,... The kids love it here too. And I got Flávia, I'll look for a job... The past few days showed me I can really grow to love this" she moved her hand from his arm up to his face. "No pregnancy to drive my hormones crazy this time. Maybe a little PMS, but..." she trailed off and he chuckled.  
  
"Are you sure about this?"  
  
He played with her hair with one hand, ocasionaly brushing the back of his hand on her cheek, making her softly close her eyes at his tender touch.  
  
"It's up to you, actually, Ross" she opened her eyes and looked at him. "I can't promise you anything. I can just promise you I'll try. I can't say this is going to work out for sure and that we won't be hurt again, I can't... So you need to know there is risk. You need to be with me again full aware of that"  
  
"I am, Rach. But there is no one else out there I wanna be with" she smiled. Yes, corny... But so sweet. "And even if I did, there would be risks there too. I would rather take all my chances with you, though"  
  
With that, Rachel couldn't help it anymore. She leaned foward and kissed him. After a few seconds, they broke it.  
  
"Then I guess this is it"  
  
He smiled.  
  
"This is it"  
  
---------------------------------  
  
Not quite the end yet though. There will be one last very small chapter :) An epilogue, yes. Sooooo... tell me what you think :) I'm a review addict!


	23. Epilogue

The one to give

by Tina  
  
---------------------  
  
That sunny December 31st Rachel woke up with a soft kiss on her forehead. Opening her eyes, she smiled at the sight of Ross. Though his face was the first thing she saw when she woke up many times before, it never failed to amaze her. Specially after everything they went through.  
  
"Hey you" she whispered.  
  
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up"  
  
"That's fine, I have to be up early today anyway" He smiled and they kissed. "Morning"  
  
He kissed her neck affectionately.  
  
"Good morning"  
  
"No jogging today?"  
  
"Not after last night"  
  
Rachel chuckled.  
  
"Thought you'd be too tired aswell" Ross continued.  
  
"Hmmm" Rachel just hugged him and finally noticed they had company. Recently complete three years old Ella was sleeping on the couch, hoding her security blanket. "Look who's here"  
  
Ross got up and carefully picked Ella up, carrying the still sleeping child to bed.  
  
"So what's the plan for today?"  
  
"Well, you know... probably going to the beach before finishing the preparations for the party. I still can't get used to the fact it's summer here during the hollidays!"  
  
"Yeah, did you see the clothes Joey brought?"  
  
"And I did warn him a thousand times it wasn't snowing here!"  
  
"Boy, was he disapointed he couldn't ski at the Sugar Loaf...!"  
  
Rachel laughed.  
  
"Should we let Ella sleep?"  
  
Rachel looked at Ella and noticed a sneaky smile on her face. She always used to pretend to be sleeping to pull a joke at her parents.  
  
"Yeah, she must be tired." Rachel began. "Let her sleep. Meanwhile, we can take Mike and the rest of the kids out for ice cream!"  
  
Sure enough, the little girl quickly opened her chocolate brown eyes.  
  
"No, mommy, I'm awake, take me!"  
  
Ross and Rachel laughed.  
  
"Boy, you sure are a light sleeper, aren't you?"  
  
Ella shrugged, smiling brightly.  
  
"What time did you come here?" Ross asked planting a kiss on Ella's hair.  
  
"Not long...! Aunt Phoebe and Uncle Joey wanted to play in my room!"  
  
Rachel laughed. Her little girl's bedroom seemed to have become a litte playground in the house. It was quite expected it would happen among the kids, but it was actually the adults who were found to have more fun in there.  
  
"The guys are really having a blast here, aren't they?"  
  
Rachel smiled at Ross.  
  
"Well, who wouldn't? This is a great place"  
  
Ross smiled back and they kissed softly.  
  
"Ew!!"  
  
They looked at Ella and the little girl covered her mouth and giggled.  
  
-------------------  
  
Rachel finished applying sun lotion in her skin and laid down on the sand next to Phoebe. They watched as Monica rubbed sunscreen in Jack and Erica, who seemed much more concerned on builting sandcastles with cousins Mike and Ella and Phoebe's daughter, Rain.  
  
After she was done, Monica joined them.  
  
"Who'd say I'd be tanning on New Years Eve?"  
  
"Sit back and enjoy" Rachel smiled at Monica.  
  
"This is so nice. Just the girls, again." Phoebe commented.  
  
They all smiled at one another.  
  
"Listen, hm, girls... I just wanna say again that hm... I'm sorry"  
  
Monica rubbed her forearm and Phoebe hugged her gently.  
  
"We know" Monica said.  
  
"And thanks for coming"  
  
"Yeah, coming over to this wonderful city to spend great times with our close friends? Yeah, you owe us big time, Rachel Geller!"  
  
Rachel laughed. Specially at the Geller part...!  
  
"Just so you know, sweetie" Monica began "we'll always be here for you, okay? Even if we're, well, not exactly here! But we..." Monica trailed off, not knowing how to put it.  
  
"I know"  
  
"You do?"  
  
Rachel nodded and hugged both her friends at the same time.  
  
"I love you girls"  
  
"We love you too"  
  
They finally let go.  
  
"So are you guys having a good time?"  
  
"Very much. Rain can't get enough of Ella's toys"  
  
"Rain, huh?"  
  
Rachel shot Phoebe a look and chuckled.  
  
"Hey Rach, can I ask you something?"  
  
"Sure, Mon"  
  
"How are things between you and my brother? I mean, how reeeally are things now?"  
  
Rachel looked at her sister-in-law and smiled truthfully.  
  
"Amazing"  
  
"Really?"  
  
Monica's smile was so genuine.  
  
"Yeah. The past is behind and we got a life here now. I got a life here now."  
  
"How's the job?"  
  
"Really-really good! Never thought I'd have great oportunities here too, but you know what? I was wrong. It feels good to be wrong now! I got good friends here, a nice job, my happy family...!"  
  
"Good friends, huh?"  
  
Phoebe's joking jealous tone was endearing.  
  
"You guys know you're irreplaceable, right?"  
  
"Well, of course!"  
  
Again, Phoebe's tone made Rachel laugh.  
  
"Hello, ladies!" Chandler's greeting anounced the arrival of the rest of the guys. Joey was carrying a lot of visibly recently bought acessories, like sunglasses, hats, underwater equipment and lots and lots of toys. A true tourist.  
  
"Looking good, Tribbiani"  
  
Joey beamed at Rachel, missing the sarcasm in her voice.  
  
"Thanks! Now if you excuse me, I'll go and give these to the kids!"  
  
Phoebe got up.  
  
"I'll go and make sure they get to play with them!"  
  
Mike watched his wife.  
  
"Who wants to bet the kids won't even get to look at those?"  
  
Ross chuckled and sat down next to Rachel, embracing her. She kissed his cheek and his lips, keeping her face glued to his neck afterwards. Out of the corner of her eyes, she could see Monica, Chandler and Mike talking, aswell as Mike, Ella, Rain, Jack and Erica playing with Joey and Phoebe.  
  
Perfection.  
  
At night, at the big New Years party they were throwing, Rachel's two worlds colided. And it was not a bad thing. Flávia gave Phoebe a few practical Portuguese classes for Monica, while Joey begged for dirty words. As the fireworks started, Ross and Rachel had to pull away from their kiss to pay atention to Ella, who looked rather scared.  
  
"Why is it so loud??"  
  
Ross picked her up and the little girl held on to him as if to dear life. Rachel's tummy tingled at the sight of Ross' devotion to their daughter. Mike approached and looked as if he didn't want to look startled by the fireworks, but didn't apreciate them either. The rest of the guests were divided between those who went to the balcony to watch the fireworks at the beach or those who had to watch their startled kids.  
  
Rachel took Mike's hand and they approached the balcony.  
  
"It's just noise, sweetie. Look, isn't it pretty?"  
  
"Yeah"  
  
Ross aproached and put his free arm around Rachel, while Ella still refused to calm down. Rachel smiled at them and ran a hand up Ella's back.  
  
"You know what they say..." she began, looking at Ross "if you start a year doing something, you'll do it for the rest of it"  
  
With that, she leaned closer and kissed him one more time. When they broke, Ross smiled at her.  
  
"I hope Ella won't have to be present for the other times, though"  
  
Rachel laughed and Ella turned to face them.  
  
"Daddy!"  
  
Both of them laughed and kissed Ella. Mike approached again, completing their picture perfect family.  
  
The rest of the gang joined them aswell, wishing their "Happy New Years" and assuring Rachel distance meant nothing. As she hugged Monica, she accepted the fact her life had indeed once again changed. And that wasn't a bad thing. She hadn't lost anything.  
  
The memories... they were still there to be savoured. And the future ready to be lived.  
  
She hugged Ross again and whispered.  
  
"You're my home"  
  
Kiss.  
  
THE END!  
  
----------------------  
  
Extremely sappy, I know! I might change that in the future, but for now I have to post this and get it over with! I got exams coming up and I know I won't be able to study unless I have no fics on progress! So yeah, might take me a few weeks to start a new story! Specially since I have absolutely NO idea what fic I should write next! But don't worry, I probably will start one soon )  
Reviews, please? Let's give this a golden end? ;) Just wanna thank you guys again for reading this and being such amazing reviewers! Mwah! This is all for you! And, well, for me, yes! haha! THANK YOU! I'm gonna miss Ella... :(


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